[On if trans women should disclose their transness to their dates]
A vegan orders a vegan meal and ends up with a steak. A man consents to a sexual encounter with a woman and ends up with a bloke. Don't both have equal right to be pissed about it?
16 comments
Depends if they're pre-op or post-op.
Post-op, it's irrelevant, and the trans individual should feel no obligation to disclose their status until the relationship gets more serious.
Pre-op, well, Malingspann, I would think that if someone was anticipating fun with a certain set of external anatomy, only to find out their partner had the other set, they would have every right to be disappointed and angry. (Note that I did NOT say violent!)
I'm a bisexual, so I'd have fun with whatever was between my partner's legs, but not everyone's orientations are so wide-ranging.
Some time before it gets 'serious' a pre-op transsexual ought to inform their BF or GF that there might be something unexpected between their legs.
As Thanos says though, disappointed and angry but NOT violent.
Yes, I'd think you have a right to KNOW. But unless you actually plan to eat the steak, or make that sexual encounter more important than just a companion for the evening, you have no reason to be angry.
A vegan who never eats meat will be sick to his or her stomach if s/he eats meat by accident.
Sure, if you intend to have a bit of fun in the sack, it's probably best to explain the situation beforehand.
Honestly, I think that trans people should reveal to a partner that they have transitioned, regardless of which stage of the transition they're in.
I think that it's basic courtesy to be honest with your partner about information that could influence their decision to date you.
My girlfriend told me on our first or second date that she was type I diabetic and bipolar, and I appreciated that: It didn't deter me from dating her, but I appreciated knowing it rather than having it sprung upon me later on.
First I look at the purse. /joking
Seriously though, if you are a shallow person, then these things matter more. My reaction to a pre-op would be to apologize for my difficulty in adjusting to a sudden surprise.
Actually, I agree to some extent. If you do plan to have sex with someone, I do think it's just common courtesy to tell them what to expect. And certainly not lie to them. Hell, if I ever dated someone, I'd be honest and tell them I'm autistic if they haven't noticed yet. Not that it would have any impact on the sex itself, just think it's polite to let them know what they're in for and not outright lie to them.
But, while I don't condone violence, I can perfectly understand if your partner gets angry if you actually lied to them instead of just not mentioning the truth.
I once watched a documentary about British men who travelled to find & marry Thai brides.
The fact that said men didn't care about the fact that those they met & ultimately married were trans women.
Also, menus. The fact that you can always refuse the steak and have what you want: from said menu . NEXT!
Okay, I think I forgot some context. This was part of a discussion of trans women being murdered by cis men who dated them. So, OP is justifying murder.
Honestly, if sex is going to happen, yeah, good idea to bring it up. Otherwise? None of your business.
Also, nice dehumanizing metaphor.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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