Attributes that will not help you get laid even one iota

Instead of just summarizing with, "everything but looks and money," I figured I'd list some things and explain how worthless they are when it comes to attracting women.

SENSE OF HUMOR: Women are not attracted to funny. In fact, a sense of humor can actually work against you, as women think of relationships as serious business. Sure, she'll tease Chad and laugh at random shit while she's with him, but it won't be because he's funny. It'll be an instinctive reaction because she finds him attractive. I can make just about any woman laugh with my dry humor. They go, "that little boy is so funnyyyyy. So anyway, Ashley, Chad is picking me up tonight."

Bill Burr: "I was never making enough money. There's something weird about being a stand-up comedian where for the most part you don't have groupies. You still have to work for it. I also think different emotions that, say, singers can bring out in women makes them kind of swoon. Nobody swoons over a comedian."

BEING A MUSICIAN: While Burr was correct about women not being attracted to comedians, he is wrong about women being into musicians solely for the sake of them being musicians. You see, women are into musicians either because they are physically attractive, or because they are rich and famous. A musician who is not rich and famous will not attract a single chick with his music.

My brother is an aspiring musician. He has played tons of shit, including overseas in front of crowds of around 1,000 people. You know how many women have hit on him after shows over the years? You can count it on...NO hands.

He has had a few girlfriends, but not one of them had any idea what it was he did. He met his current girlfriend at a bar, just getting a beer.

You see, when you're 5'5" like my brother, women don't care what kind of guitar player you are.

Women love mediocre talents who are in boy bands a helluva lot more than they love far more talented artists who aren't as popular. The guys in the boy bands are sooooo yummy and so rich and famous.

INTELLIGENCE: Yeah, she's really impressed by your brain. Albert Einstein's picture is on her ceiling and she fingers herself to it.

There are two ways women think of intelligence:

Academic achievements. My Dad has a PhD, so my mom loves to say that this was why she was so attracted to him. But really, what is there about his PhD - which is in the science field - that affects her in any way that isn't financial? My mom majored in linguistics and has no scientific inclination. She has discussed the technical parts of my dad's work with him about one time back in 1982, which was all it took for her to go, "uhhhh, OK, now I know not to bring that up again."

When the guy talks over her head, she thinks to herself, "I love it when he talks all smart and stuff. xD." She doesn't understand it, so this means it's intelligent, and she can brag to her friends about how her possibly pseudo-intellectual SO is sooooooo smart.

TALENT IN GENERAL: When I was a kid, I used to fantasize about "impressing" girls. What naive heterosexual boy doesn't?

The problem is, they're not impressed. They simply don't care. You're a great athlete? A great musician? A great painter? A great writer?

What interests her is in how much money you'll attain from this. She'll want to hitch her ride to a guy who is going places.

If she spots a young LeBron James in the gym, she might get excited about what the future could be like if she were with him and he became an NBA star. The talent itself being something she's attracted to? HA!

Even Roger Federer's wife, who was a fucking tennis player herself, frequently looks bored during his matches.

"Oh, he hit a winner from between his legs? Let's just finish this match, I want to go back to the hotel."

KINDNESS: They say it themselves. "Women are not objects you put kindness tokens into and get sex out of."

Nice guys are a dime a dozen. "You're sweet" is a patronizing remark and means she will never fuck you.