Matt Forney #fundie returnofkings.com

[This is from an article titled, "5 Reasons Why Girls With Tattoos And Piercings Are Broken".]

1. They're sluts

What kind of girl would be comfortable lying down half-naked in public for two hours while some fat dude with a dirty beard jams a sharp needle into her skin? Answer: the kind of girl who takes sharp objects in her vagina as a hobby. Girls with tattoos and/or piercings (aside from earrings) are slags who fall in and out of guys' beds at a moment's notice. If you're unfortunate enough to commit to a girl with ink on her body or metal in her face, she'll cheat on you at the drop of a hat. Tattoos and piercings are the mark of the whore, which is why in more traditional countries like the Philippines, only whores have them.

[...]

3. They're selfish

The reasons girls get tattoos and piercings - "I'm doing it for ME!" - are indicative of narcissism and mild psychopathy. Girls get tattoos for the same reasons they cut their hair short: a desperate attempt to assert how unique and special they are. A girl who willfully disfigures herself like this will never attempt to please you or do anything nice for you. She won't care for you when you're sick, will refuse to sleep with you for completely arbitrary reasons, and will generally be a moody, unlikable cunt.

4. They're boring

Girls' logic when it comes to tattoos is best described by paraphrasing Lena Dunham's character in Girls: "I have a tattoo, and that just makes me naturally interesting." Nothing could be further from the truth. My experience shows me that girls with ink and/or metal are the most boring, conformist chicks you'll ever come across. To be fair, most girls are dull as dirt, but tattooed and pierced girls are aggressively dull, assaulting you with the most hackneyed left-wing tripe you'll ever hear.

My "piercing addict" girlfriend, for example, identified as Marxist (I shit you not) based on one class she took on Latin America and was constantly talking my ear off about some "injustice" or another. The joke was that before she took that class, she was so tuned out to current events that she wasn't even registered to vote. I derived incredible pleasure from shoving my cock in her mouth to shut her up.

5. They're mentally ill

This is the clincher. Any girl who thinks that getting a ring in her nose or a Bible verse on her back is a good idea is going to be off her rocker. In my entire life, I have never met an inked or pierced girl who wasn't sick in the head, whether they had depression, "anxiety" or a full-blown personality disorder. While girls with facial piercings and tattoos on the arms or legs can at least feign normality, chicks with piercings or tattoos on or near their erogenous zones (breasts, labia, ass) are the kinds of broads who will cut you with a knife.

[...]

The only good thing about tattoos and piercings is that they signal which girls you can bang with minimal effort. If you're looking to make a girl wince during anal on the first date, pick the one with a tramp stamp or a tongue piercing. But if you're looking for a girl you can wife up, go for the ones who haven't mangled their bodies beyond repair.

51 comments

Confused?

So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register. Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.