Of Pensacola's many rules, those dealing with male-female relationships are the most talked about. There are restrictions on when and where men and women may speak to each other. Some elevators and stairwells may be used only by women; others may be used only by men. Socializing on particular benches is forbidden. If a man and a woman are walking to class, they may chat; if they stop en route, though, they may be in trouble. [...]
Even couples who are not talking or touching can be reprimanded. Sabrina Poirier, a student at Pensacola who withdrew in 1997, was disciplined for what is known on the campus as "optical intercourse" — staring too intently into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex. This is also referred to as "making eye babies."
66 comments
This is really sad... and really funny.
"optical intercourse" staring too intently into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex.
Is one disciplined for staring too intently into the eyes of a member of the *same* sex? Optical homosexuality?
Jeez! I must have 1000s and 1000s of "eye babies" wandering around somewhere. I must be way behind on my optical child support.
Is there really that much trouble with Xian students groping each other in the elevators and stairways? I thought these were the people who were so proud of their abstinence and self-control. They can't talk to each other if they stop walking? "I'm sorry m'am, but I wouldn't have groped you and made several optical babies with you if you had just kept walking."
I submitted this, but I only took a tiny sample out of that article. Read the whole thing. You will be shocked at how truly radical that concentration camp is.
EDIT: I was coming back to edit the source into my post, but Alejandro beat me to it.
Wow - and no doubt your not allowed to abort if you get eye pregnant.
Hmmm - brings new meaning to eyeing someone off!!!
Oh bugger it let's go!
Can you make eye babies over the eye-ternent with a web cam?
If you make extended contact and purse or lick your lips is that an eye-mack?
When your eye-pregnancy starts to show, is that an eye-pod?
If you make extended eye contact and her father catches you, do you have to go down to the chapel and say eye do?
Is it safe if you're wearing glasses - or is that against religious canon?
Does the campus pharmacy refuse to hand out red-eye prescriptions?
Stop it or you'll go blind!!!!
If you're unsure about your sexuality, is it "My Private Eye Dunno"?
This kinda authoritarian insanity is courtesy of the eye-atollah.
eye-onanism - averting your gaze at the laast instant to avoid diaster.
eye-onoclasm: What happens after theology is taken too literally.
eye owe you! A promissory note you hand to a pretty girl!
an eye on! A positively charged attraction!
It's also the appropriate place for this:
Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's
normal size, and state the conditions."
Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to
hear of it when I get home!"
She sat down, red-faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin.
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan.
"Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!"
[smacks Julian over the head, then dies laughing]
You make me sad, Julian. Truly. Of course, this post makes me much, much, (sadder? more sad?). I am never, ever, EVER moving to Pensacola.
Is alcohol an eye-opener?
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye?
Does this mean fundies are talking about sex when they say 'an eye for an eye'.
Can you fire the teacher when they say they've got their eye on you?
Oh those poor cock-eyed girls!
Are the hall monitors delegated eye-spies?
Can you be arrested for keeping an eye out?
Is porn, images of eye-dolls?
Should we write and tell them there's no eye in tag team sex?
I'm scared of what "I've got my eye in" means now.
Lucky are those with eyes bigger than their stomach.
The eyes have it!
Is a stripper called eye candy?
DON'T look at me when I'm talking to you - show me some respect goddamit.
Sex Ed - the musical "Eyes and Dolls".
Oh what! Now even winking is a sin of the flesh.
Gotta worry when your girlfriend says it time to 'see' other people.
Seeing you is the eye-light of my day darling.
I wonder if eye brow brazilians will ever come in vogue.
Queen: Bohemian Rhapsody. {start and finish}
Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-
I’m just a poor boy,i need no sympathy-
Because I’m easy come,easy go,
A little high,little low,
Anyway the wind blows,doesn’t really matter to me,
To me
...........
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,for me,for me-
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me and leave me to die-
Oh baby-can’t do this to me baby-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here
Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters-,nothing really matters to me,
Any way the wind blows....
GAH! If fundies can reproduce solely by eye contact, we'll be overrun by them in a few years! Since fundie women get pregnant by merely looking at men, and won't ever get an abortion even if their lives depend on it (literally), they'll be breeding like rabbits! AAAUGHH!
Does that mean you can have eye virginity?
Okay, so lets assume fundies don't actually produce eye babies. How is it that these people produce, I mean, if you can't even look at members of the opposite sex, how do you meet them?
....And the survey says I need 8 more 'jokes' to hit 50.
8/- I always wondered how you could undress someone with your eyes.
7/- ABCDEFG Oh eye just fucked my fraternity... HIJK really need to P, are you perveted just like me?
6/- Eye-liner does what exactly? Sounds like it'd heighten the experience, rahter than detract from the sensitivity.
5/- Uh-oh - be careful - you may need an eye-smear to check for HPV. -- Human Pop-eye-loma virus! (Cured with an unguent of Olive Oyl applied freely to sensitive areas!).
4/- Imaginary numbers are the square root of a negative number! They are prefixed by i. Are i-babies what happens when you have an imaginary root with a square? ZING!
3/- Retinal scans as a measure of biosecurity impinge the same constitutional rights as mandatory DNA testing for rape suspects right?
2/- Dem-eyes: Fundy word for undoing.
1/- Every stare is sacred - Every stare is great - when a stare is wasted - God calls it eye-rape!
50 --- that's an OLATINUM PWN3D isn't it?
Or does it go on atomic weight. - I'm somewhere between I-titanium and I-Vanadium with 145 to go to Platinum.
Eye object! Protestation about being eye-doll-eyes'd, usually initiated by the plaintiff in a court of lewd!
I thought iBabies were virtual babies to practice with- for those of us who have never changed a diaper, fed a kid in the middle of the night, answered dumb questions, etc.
oh my god. (Atheismo)
This must be a terrifying place to be.
So if you have a secret affair with someone, you what? hide in a cupboard looking at eachother? (Actually, that's kinda sweet)
So what happened to all that free will? and all those laws on freedom?
image
I love using that image.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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