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WASHINGTON— As reported yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin triumphantly outmaneuvered Barrack Obama in a cosmic chess match with global nibiru-nowerepercussions. For decades, the White House used the threat of nuclear war as leverage to forestall Russia’s plan to warn the world about Nibiru. According to our sources, Russian leaders from Gorbachev to Putin had buckled under pressure and ceded to Washington’s demands, because, unlike their American counterparts, Russian leaders disdained the notion of nuclear war and believed that Russia and the United States–along with other major world powers–could work together to preserve the human race.

On Monday, Washington’s house of cards collapsed; Putin learned that Washington’s threat had been a thirty-year-long bluff. He retaliated by turning the table on President Obama, insisting that if Obama did not provide the world with full disclosure about Nibiru within two weeks, he would take center stage and make the announcement himself.

Washington insiders report that Putin’s unexpected defiance has caused a whirlwind of panic at the Oval Office. Allegedly, Obama’s closest advisers are split over how maxresdefaultbest to handle the crisis, with dissenting factions distancing themselves from the president’s position; Obama, our source reveals, aims to play the waiting game and allow Putin to make the next move. He believes that Putin is now bluffing and has no intention on confirming Nibiru’s existence.

“The White House is all about gamesmanship,” our Washington source said. “Obama wholeheartedly feels that Putin, angry because his government fell for a thirty year bluff, is now performing a retaliatory bluff. Look at it this way: If Nibiru never happens, would you want to be known as the president who panicked the world?”

White House dispute over Nibiru disclosure and its NASA co-conspirators have struggled to maintain a thirty year veil of secrecy for fear of social and economic collapse. Ever since Ronald Reagan signed secret executive order prohibiting discussion of Nibiru, American leaders feared that disclosure would almost immediately result in a worldwide breakdown of social services, with anarchy sweeping across the globe. With less than six months remaining in office, and with Nibiru not expected to arrive until mid-to-end 2017, President Obama has the luxury of playing the waiting game; Vladimir Putin does not.

Nevertheless, Putin’s shocking announcement sent ripples of fear through the halls of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Discord between Obama and his most trusted political allies threatens to blow the door open on the Nibiru cover-up. Following Obama’s decision to “wait and see what Putin does,” Secretary of State John Kerry and National Security Advisor Susan Rice held a “closed-door” meeting with General Mark Milley, Commanding General, United States Forces Army Command and long time opponent of Obama’s military strategies. Although the precise nature of that meeting remains a tightly guarded secret, our Washington source mentions a “coup” to seize initiative and launch a surgical strike against Kremlin leadership before it has an opportunity to publicly divulge scientific knowledge of Nibiru.

Meanwhile, Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter held a chilling meeting with Chief of Staff Mark Welsh. Together, they discussed the possibility of launching a full scale nuclear strike against the Russian Federation. Carter was quoted as saying, “If Nibiru is going to wipe out most of the world, won’t what’s left of it be a better place without Russia in it. Maybe we shouldn’t have been bluffing all these years.”

Elsewhere in Washington, Dr. John Holdren, the president’s scientific adviser, admonished Department of Homeland Security Czar Jeh Johnson and Vise President Biden for suggesting the United States launch its entire nuclear arsenal against the Nibiru system to destroy it or divert its trajectory, a proven impossibility according to renowned astronomer Paul Cox and discredited NASA scientist Dr. Ronald Shimschuck.

These absurd scenarios prove the White House is a tumultuous mess. Its leaders are grasping at straws, clamoring for solutions.

Right now, the ball, as they say, is truly in Putin’s court.

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So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

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