Quote# 125534

My conclusion. I don’t need any gigantic penis and 8-packs. All I need now is my own immortal body that can fly. I wanna meet Jesus in the air. And, in the New Millennium, I can ask Jesus to go naked swimming with me in an island in the Pacific. I really would rather peek Jesus’ immortal gorgeous penis bumping and jumping just like a very extremely gorgeous pendulum swinging backward and forward in a really fast way when we both go naked playing volleyball on pearl-white sands of beach. I don’t need a huge jumbo walking HIV in human form with 8-packs and a gigantic penis, earthly and fast aging and dirty and deadly and very poor and very stupid. Bear in mind. I’m an extraordinarily smart Bella Boy, and I’ve found my Edward, Lord Jesus. I’m taken. So, any earthly Jacob with 8-packs and a gigantic penis is simply just a huge jumbo walking HIV in human form to me. Don’t bother me and get lost.

usachinanukewar, All-out US-China nuclear war, looming, to wipe out one-fourths of the earth 6 Comments [3/19/2017 1:51:15 PM]
Fundie Index: 7
Submitted By: Denizen
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Psycho Tits

My conclusion. I don’t need any gigantic penis and 8-packs. All I need now is my own immortal body that can fly.


Well, duh! I think I can say, without being grandiose, that I speak for most of the world when choosing the latter - unless that bit about flying is just Jesus-speak for "getting high" (which is the interpretation my husband favours when discussing usachinanukewar).

I asked my husband, a very wise man indeed, which thing he'd prefer before I went off half-cocked and spoke for most of the world: "Hey, so which would you prefer - a toned body or the capacity to fly whilst being immortal?"

Husband: "Why?"

Me: "It's usachinanukewar..."

Husband: "Are you sure that by 'immortal' and 'fly' he wasn't talking about drugs?"

Me: "O_o - with him it absolutely could be drugs. But honestly, I've never been high or drunk enough, ever, to believe I was immortal and/or could fly."

Husband: "You don't write...what is it, slash-fic...about Jesus either. Or about how great a nuclear war would be."

Me: "True."


3/19/2017 2:03:00 PM



Well I did hear that his father has a holy righteous penis.

3/19/2017 2:05:00 PM

AnonAtheist

Just when I thought this guy couldn't get any more batshit...TWILIGHT FAN (which actually explains a lot.)

3/19/2017 2:59:22 PM

Anon-e-moose

I don’t need any gigantic penis


...where's Navvy when you need him?! [/IMDB.com]

3/19/2017 8:31:57 PM

werewolf

Really? A God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Penis?


3/19/2017 11:09:01 PM

Mister Spak

This is a joker, not a real fundie.

3/20/2017 5:59:41 AM

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