We're thinking that the Apple Watch was designed to emit subtle electrical impulses or even mild radiation to alter central-nervous-system functioning and serve as a mind-control device (Don't discount the order's ability to do this. It has been re-syncing people's neurons for decades, and remember that electroshock therapy works). Because the Watch is attached to a transmitter that sends/receives signals via an iPhone, the Illuminati can send messages and orders once it has locked down people's brain patterns. Not only that, it's health/fitness monitors can gather information about who's weak and who's strong. This data can come in handy when crack troops are needed to take down rebellious minds.

By wearing an Apple Watch, the Illuminati will learn everything about you and then use it to control your mind. The company will know when you sleep, when you're at your peak conditioning, and when you're ill. In fact, you'll pretty much be carrying a surveillance camera on your wrist too. This little device is actually much more effective than an iPhone or iPad. Those gizmos are frequently kept out of sight in pockets or purses. Not the Watch, though, it will always be on you, always watching, and always listening. Do you really want that?