A couple of years ago I was more or less a beta. I had a few relationships but they were mainly centered around pleasing a woman as much as possible with gifts in exchange for sex. I saw nothing wrong with feminism in its current form. I also tried very hard to make people like me, at the cost of not being true to myself. If someone didn't like me I would try explain my actions to them and try to meet them halfway. If someone was offended by my actions I would apologize and then tip toe around that person.

One day I got a huge bonus at work. For a while I was thinking about going on a trip or spending it on my girlfriend. But in the end I spent most of it on gear; Dbol and Test-E. My rational was I was always tired at work and test would help me be more energetic. Also it would help me push past my platues.

Gear ended up changing my Personality

There is a lot of talk about what it means to be an alpha male or a high test male. And you think you know what it means. However the only way to realy know is to add test into your system.

The first thing I noticed is I had more energy. I was more awake. A fog was lifted. I needed less sleep to feel rested. I had a bigger appetite. I moved more quickly and with purpose. And with all that extra energy I felt like I could accomplish much more.

However there was a problem. I was energetic and more productive. But everyone still moved at their old slow pace. I wanted to do things I wanted to try things, I was more prone to taking risks and being impulsive. But everyone else was still their old slow selves: Hesitant, risk-averse, boring. I wanted to have deep conversations, question common wisdom. No one wanted to have a conversation if it wasn't 100% politically correct. I grew bored with talking to most people. Those conversations felt boring and scripted.

My sense of self worth grew. I felt like a god. I saw myself as truly better than the slow masses, who were to afraid of new experiences. My relationship with my girlfriend changed. I wouldn't argue with her anymore. If she didn't like something about my personality than she could leave because there was a line of sluts waiting for me.

Women picked up on my confidence. I no longer had approach anxiety. I would walk up to girls because I was bored and I saw them as a source of entertainment. I would start stupid conversations with women just to be entertained by their reactions:

Hey are you the girl from Craigs list?* NO!* I was supposed to meet a girl who looks just like you, 50 dollars right? Ew No do I look like a prostitute men are such pigs! Fuck You! Oh im sory I was trying to buy a textbook and the girl said she was blond at about your height. Girl feels terrible starts apologizing. I get infinite lols maybe a phone number.

When I came of my cycle. I no longer had the same feeling of superiority. However the behavior patterns that I developed while being a high test stayed with me. Being an Alpha felt realy good, and there is no way I was willing to ever go back.