There was a deck of cards
(*sings*)
'During the North African Campaign,
a bunch of soldier boys had been on a long hike,
and they arrived in a little town called Cassino.
The next morning, being Sunday, several of the boys went to church.
A Sergeant commanded the boys in church,
and after the chaplain had read the prayer,
the text was taken up next.
Those of the boys who had a prayer books took them out,
but, this one boy had only a deck of cards,
and so he spread them out.
The Sergeant saw the cards and said, "Soldier, put away those cards".
After the services were over, the soldier was taken prisoner,
and brought before the Provost Marshall.
The marshall said " Sergeant, why have you brought this man here?"
"For playing cards in church Sir."
"And what have you to say for yourself Son?"
"Much, Sir," replied the soldier.
The marshall said, " I hope so, for if not,
I shall punish you more than any man was ever punished."
The soldier said, "Sir, I have been on the march for about six days,
I have neither Bible nor prayerbook, but I hope to satisfy you, Sir,
with the purity of my intentions."
And with that, the boy started his story.
"You see sir, when I look at the Ace,
it reminds me that there is but one God,
and the deuce, reminds me that the bible is divided
into two parts, the old and the new testament.
When I see the trey, I think of the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
And when I see the four,I think of the four Evangelists who preached
the Gospel There was Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
And when I see the five, it reminds me of the five wise virgins
who trimmed their lamps, there were ten of them,
Five were wise and were saved, five were foolish,
and were shut out.
When I see the six, it reminds me that in six days,
God made this great Heaven and Earth.
When I see the seven, it reminds me that on the seventh day,
God rested from His great work.
And when I see the eight, I think of the eight rightous persons
God saved when he destroyed this Earth.
There was Noah, his wife, their three sons, and their wives.
And when I see the nine, I think of the lepers our Saviour cleansed,
and, nine out of the ten, didn't even thank him.
When I see the ten, I think of the ten commandments,
God handed down to Moses on a table of stone.
When I see the king, it reminds me that there is but one King of Heaven,
God Almighty.
And when I see the Queen, I think of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
Who is Queen of Heaven, and the Jack of Knaves is the Devil.
When I count the number of spots in a deck of cards,
I find 365, the number of days in a year.
There are 52 cards, the number of weeks in a year.
There are four suits, the number of weeks in a month.
There are twelve picture cards, the number of months in a year.
There are thirteen tricks, the number of weeks in a quarter.
So, you see Sir, my pack of cards serves me as a Bible,
an Almanac, and a prayerbook.
And Friends, the story is true, I know,
I was that soldier.'
[/Max Bygraves]
Or the version by the Manchester comedian & folk singer Mike Harding:
During the North African Campaign, a group of soldier boys had been walking.
And they arrived in a little town called Cassino.
The next morning, being Sunday, several of the soldier boys went to church.
Those of the boys who had a prayer book took them out,
And one card took his privates.
Then he spread them out on the bench in front of him.
And the sergeant major was walking past at the time, and he saw what that soldier boy was doing, and he lo... leaned over (or 'loaned eva'!),
And he said to the soldier boy (*very camp*):
'Ooh, snap!'
