I’ve been ‘red-pilled’ (I hate saying that because I think it sounds dumb but whatever, everyone gets what it means) since I was like 11 or 12 when inquisitive me decided to research race and all that it entails. Ever since then I’ve felt like a character in one of those ‘emperor’s got no clothes’ type stories marveling at some insanity no one else really seems to notice.
I really like and have always liked history, and that’s what helped cue me in to the fact that things just aren’t normal. It’s not normal for women to demand the right to murder their unborn children as a sacred right (did you see those fucking videos from Ireland?). It’s not normal for us to be crammed into these massive, soulless metropolises (metropoles?) full of fumes and plastic and concrete and millions of people who don’t look or sound anything like you, whose faces are a bunch of uniform blurs. It’s not normal for governments to import millions of foreigners and castigate their own people for questioning it (didn’t some German politician just say Germany was a ‘nation of immigrants’? Jesus).
We’re not supposed to care about anything anymore. Not our families, not our peoples, not our values, barely even our friends.
If you don’t like your family, or if they try (God forbid) to reign in your idiocy and self-destructiveness? ‘Cut them off. They’re toxic. You don’t need them.’ (no I’m not advocating staying with truly abusive families, but you know what I mean). You’re not supposed to care about your race or people because ‘we’re all individuals’ and ‘you shouldn’t be proud of things you didn’t do’ or ‘race is a recent racist white colonial invention’. And maybe it’s true that people 2,000 years ago didn’t think in terms of ‘asian’ and ‘European’ and ‘African’, but they were Romans and Cherusci and Gauls and Han and that meant something. It was something you could hold on to. Something to ground you. Something to be a part of. Not anymore. It’s all about you. Be yourself. Do what makes you happy. I hate seeing that shit. It’s so atomizing. There are no more familial or ethnic bonds, just a bunch of little yous.
I feel adrift. I live in a very liberal milieu so it feels like I’m gritting my teeth and lying to everyone else and myself all of the time. I’m so sick of hearing friends and acquaintances complain that this or that breed of social degeneracy isn’t as tolerated as it should be. Not too long ago I remember hearing someone call someone else out for “slut-shaming”. What the fuck? How did we get to a point in society where it’s bad to shame someone for being a wanton whore who goes out and fucks a dozen guys and passes out drunk on a couch? For that matter, why is it bad to shame some useless sleaze who does nothing but fuck willing holes and brag about it to his friends like it’s a damn badge of honor?
And everyone’s always on some fucking drug or another. “Hold on, I’m gonna meet my hook-up.” “Great, are we gonna smoke?” “No, I haven’t tried it yet.” Maybe I can’t blame them for wanting to escape in some way from this horrible, mixed up nightmare pit we live in, but it’s not escape for them. They like this state of affairs. This is good.
Everything’s just so fake and atomized. I live on a college camps (God grant me strength) and I can’t go fifty feet without seeing some shitty poster for a progressive club or some fucking “black culture” union. I have to hear my friends blather on about how racist Trump is or how this is discriminatory or whatever the fuck
And at the center of this all is the race issue.
This is where I really get lost. I’m not white. I grew up around white people, all my friends as a kid were white, basically everyone I knew and cared about save my immediate family was white. I hardly even really registered the fact that I wasn’t white until I was almost a preteen.
And now I just feel so lost. I walk my campus or the street and I see this fucking throng of every conceivable race on the planet earth seething all around me. It just looks so out of place. It just feels so wrong. Like God grabbed the earth and shook it like a snow globe. I feel wrong. I don’t belong anywhere.
Maybe this sounds sycophantic or uncle tom-ish but I love Europeans. Like I said, I love history and especially European history, and I’ve always adored European culture. All of my close friends and associates are white. When I see the videos from Paris or London or whatever and you can walk blocks without seeing a single ethnic native it breaks my heart. I want Europeans and their traditions and histories to survive. I don’t want to see Berliner Dom sand-blasted to build a mosque.
And there’s where I come to an impossible cross-roads because I agree with you guys on pretty much everything but supporting your movement basically means supporting my own separation from this country and home that I love. Maybe I would do that because like I said, I love Europeans. Maybe that sounds pathetic, but they’ve been better and closer to me more than my ‘own’ race, so how can I feel otherwise? And it's because of that I'd rather die than go and start anew in some other land that's entirely alien to me.
But I can’t do an about-face and I can’t in good conscience support this international global order that wants to crush every last vestige of identity and solidarity and goodness out of the world.
Whenever I see news about rising right-wing/nationalist sentiment here or in Europe or wherever I become happy because I hope these people can wake up in time to save themselves from obliteration, but I also become sad because this isn’t a movement for me and it never will be.
I'm sorry if this is rambling or confusing. I didn't know where to post this and no one else would tell me anything but that I'm sick for not loving this fucking twisted parody of life that the elites have created for us. I'm having a really bad night. I don’t know. I wish I’d never been born. I wish I was dead. I can’t find peace anywhere in this world.
Thanks for listening.
PleaseDontKillGod, Reddit 2 Comments
[10/9/2018 12:06:08 PM]
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