Quote# 141894

I deserve a sexual purity award.

For some reason I keep getting bombarded with emails from women who want to have sex. This screenshot I uploaded shows an example of one.

But because of my obedience to God, I have resisted the numerous opportunities I had with all those emails. I therefore deserve an award for being able to resist so much sexual temptation.

Jacob Harrison, FSTDT Forums 23 Comments [1/7/2019 1:42:08 PM]
Fundie Index: 10
Submitted By: Pharaoh Bastethotep

Username  (Login)
Comment  (Text formatting help) 

1 | bottom


Why call sexual abstinence 'purity' in the first place?

1/7/2019 2:00:03 PM


I therefore deserve an award

Here, have a Twinkie.

1/7/2019 2:01:12 PM


No, you don't. Maybe if there was a 'I live my life the way I want to' award, you'd be eligible alongside millions of people.

1/7/2019 3:34:56 PM


Dude, I do the exact same thing twenty times a day. If you get an award for not opening spam just because your willy gets the funny-feels, then you're going to have to settle for the 'Participation' ribbon, 'cause I'm taking home the gold.

1/7/2019 3:47:22 PM


I do not believe for a second that this dude isn't a poe/crank of some sort.

1/7/2019 3:53:01 PM


I deserve a sexual purity award

>OP jerks his gherkin to his cousin in jeans

>Jeans give him a hardon


1/7/2019 4:33:15 PM


The "reward" is that we won't out you to your church for telling such a blatant lie.

1/7/2019 4:40:12 PM

Thinking Allowed

Hey Jake...

1/7/2019 5:20:26 PM

Churchy LaFemme

If you think those emails are from real women actually offering you sex, there's also a Nigerian prince who's willing to split millions of dollars with you if you'll only help him get it out of the country.

1/7/2019 6:41:59 PM


So do I, but I go one step further since I'm not attracted to females and respond back to them. Usually they say "your Facebook profile pic is cute" when it's not even of me, so I point out their stupidity.

The emails normally get bounced.

1/7/2019 9:14:08 PM


I get suggestions every now and again on Facebook, if I'm interested in getting together with hot young girls from Belarus, sometimes from the Ukraine.
But no, I'm happy with my husband and have no interest in these hot young girls (if they exist).

Where's my participation trophy?

1/7/2019 11:21:48 PM

K'Zad Bhat

I'm agreed with Quasirodent, and I figured it was obvious the very first time I saw him, talking about how the US would establish the particular royal line that we prefer. Trust me, no one comes up with such obviously stupid half-assed logic of failure, and also manages to make complete sentences with proper spelling, unless they're trolling. Jacob Harrison is obvious a more than half competent Poe, this guy does not really believe this crap.

1/8/2019 12:17:09 AM


Have a Snickers bar. You sound cranky.

1/8/2019 1:38:45 AM


And I get hundreds of emails from various people around the world offering me millions of dollars if I'd just get in touch with them...

1/8/2019 2:45:25 AM

Doubting Thomas

You do realize that women really aren't trying to hook up with you, and those emails are part of a scam, don't you?

1/8/2019 7:19:42 AM

The Crimson Ghost

I guess it never occurred to Jacob that those are not real women, those are bots?

If it wasn't for child proof safety caps & helmets, ol' Jacob here wouldn't even have reached adulthood since he would have offed himself in some stupidity related accident.

1/8/2019 7:21:52 AM


There used to be women hanging out beyond the gates at Charleston Naval Base. Real women, not scams, offering real sex, often within two blocks of the gate.
Women who were there every day, in all weather. They might disappear for an hour, but they'd be right back on their corner soon enough.
Leaning down to talk through the car windows to guys coming off duty, off patrol, off the work shift...
Fantastic work ethic, those whores.

But I know for a fact that turning them down was not a matter of sexual purity. I was in one or another car with outrageous horndogs who would not pull over to pick up a whore within sight of the base.

It's merely being sober enough to be cautious.

1/8/2019 7:34:46 AM

TB Tabby

Mm-hmm. And I bet all those women are in Canada too.

1/8/2019 10:29:42 AM


@Thinking Allowed & Swede:

Technically, shouldn't that be a lack-of-participation trophy?

1/8/2019 11:16:52 AM

Dizzy Dream

So you deserve an award for not responding to an email? Guess I deserve a reward for not responding to unneeded Viagra ads, or for not giving my bank details to the cousin of an unknown Nigerian prince.

1/8/2019 12:47:05 PM

Sexual "purity" means very little when you've dedicated yourself to other forms of whoring.

1/8/2019 5:45:30 PM

Everyone gets those and everyone ignores them

1/8/2019 5:56:12 PM


[*verrrry deadpan*] Hooray; You deserve a cookie....

Jacob Harrison is sure to love that liver and tuna taste....with just a hint of cheese!

1/9/2019 9:54:19 AM

1 | top: comments page