Quote# 18490

The Red Planet [Mars] symbolizes the blood of Christ, which represents His substitutionary Spiritual death for the sins of the world on the Cross. The planet is alive with dynamic events that demonstrate the significance of the witness of the blood of Christ in the history of Creation and the Appeal Trial of Satan. The witness of Elect Angels on the planet is evident in the daily and seasonal changes in the weather and volcanoes.

Larry Wood, The Red Planet 39 Comments [12/21/2006 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 8

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Matilde

I was told that the red planet looks red due to the amount of iron in its atmosphere but, well, I can be open to other trolling and/or fundie interpretations.

12/21/2006 3:57:06 PM

Chan

Great! As soon as the Rover returns photographs of these Elect Angels, I'm sure a lot of people will start queueing up to convert.

12/21/2006 4:04:41 PM

Chan

Wait ... Satan gets to go through the Appellate process? You can appeal your Damnation. Whoda thunk it?

At least you'll have your pick of lawyers in the Infernal Regions.

12/21/2006 4:05:53 PM

Papabear

That's a lot of Xian symbols for a planet named after somebody else's war god.

The only volcanoes on Mars are long extinct. Maybe that symbolizes the death of Xianity?

12/21/2006 4:08:35 PM

Pix

Chan: Yeah, and according to the fundies, they're mostly criminal defense attorneys (gettin' them damn murderers set free). Win!

12/21/2006 4:09:18 PM

Zadic

Yes and the moon stood for some supernatural thing to many unadvanced cultures, but long behold we landed there and it's just a moon. Btw, this supposedly holy symbol that we call Mars can very easily be terraformed by Humanity over the next thousand years or so until nice green plants grow there and you no longer see the \"blood of Christ\" there (fyi, I use the term easily only in reference to how easy it is for mortals to do away with a godly symbol).

12/21/2006 5:56:37 PM

McCulloch

Somebody please tell me that this is not serious.

12/21/2006 6:10:03 PM

SaneChick

You're supposed to swallow those pills the nice men in the white coats give you.

12/21/2006 6:23:46 PM

Adrian

No, Mars is red because both the atmosphere as well as the surface of Mars are covered in a layer of oxydized iron (rust). We learned this when we sent the Viking space probes to Mars, which did not uncover evidence of angels or the Blood of Christ. Lastly, for thousands of years Mars has symbolized war, which is why it was named after the Roman god of war. Man, you were wrong on so many levels.

12/21/2006 6:33:49 PM

JammyPants

\"substitutionary spiritual death\"? I bet he's talking about orgasm. The red planet is his engorged, Satanic tool. No doubt he crucifies himself in the bathroom, while viewing Elect Angel centerfolds, on a daily basis.

12/21/2006 6:55:51 PM

anevilmeme

I bet we could find a fundie somewhere that would say the same symbolism exists in a can of Coke

12/21/2006 7:29:37 PM

Old Viking

Good to know. The planet had me completely puzzled until now.

12/21/2006 8:18:32 PM

Mister Spak

I'd like to know what he makes of Uranus.

12/21/2006 8:19:37 PM

Tiny Bulcher

Spak: speech.

12/21/2006 9:19:46 PM

Nekhbet

Larry, are you by any chance from Planet Melmac?

12/21/2006 10:10:39 PM

Pesto

The Red Planet has two sides, front and back.

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

12/21/2006 10:52:19 PM

Khaine

Mr. Wood,
A Mister John Carter has asked me to inform you that he takes great exception at your insults reguarding his adopted world. Furthermore, he wants you to know that if you need any pratical information about the spilling of blood he will be happy to use you as an example on how it is properly done.

12/21/2006 11:10:32 PM

Napoleon the Clown

Iron oxide=blood of Christ? That dude must have had some serious headaches.

12/22/2006 12:25:26 AM

whitewater55

Mr. Wood, a few years in rehab will alleviate your drug proplems. You obviously are a crack head.
Or, maybe your head has just been up yer crack too long.

12/22/2006 12:58:13 AM

WritingIsMyReligion

There are people on Mars? WTF?

12/22/2006 2:29:57 AM

MILF-chan

Certainly explains the unusually high rate of mission failures to Mars.

12/22/2006 2:33:20 AM

The Panusher

Dear Mr. Wood,

My friends on Mars, the ones in the massive tripods with Heat-at-a-distance machines on them, would very like to pay a visit to you, perhaps after John Carter is done. They also have an obssession with blood, but not the blood of christ...

12/22/2006 4:03:45 AM

Tdevil

Larry Wood, the next time you step on a rusty nail, you need not go to the doctor because you've already been injected with the blood of Christ.

12/22/2006 6:03:47 AM

Redhunter

Someone beat me to posting this. Read the whole thing, it's priceless.

\"The power of christ compells the next planet in our solar system to turn red, the power of christ compells the next planet in our solar system to turn red...\"

12/22/2006 8:28:26 AM

Sevagram

Oh, for fuck's sake...

12/22/2006 9:51:16 AM

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