Quote# 22953

Jesus was jumped! I truly believe that Jesus' execution was an example of gang violence.

First of all for the sake of argument let's leave the Jew's involvement out in this. The fact of the matter is that it was the Homo erotic Romans that carried it out. The Romans acted like a gang. The dressed in gang colors they all wore red. They would all roll together riding almost 10000 solders deep. So lets face it roman soldiers don't fight alone they are a bunch of punk ass bitches

Hey and they had to have Jesus escorted by a whole crew of Roman soldiers. I bet if it was a fair one Jesus would have drop one of them gay roman soldiers. Think about it Jesus was a carpenter which means he was built. I mean he had to carry his own torture stack you have to have strength to carry that for long distance. So Jesus was no punk.

In conclusion Jesus' death was an example of gang violence because the Romans were too gay and cowardly to shoot the fair one with Jesus. I mean I bet Jesus if he had the chance would be like "yeah I am God's son but I am not getting sacrificed by some group of homosexuals". Imaging J.C. darkening some eyeballs it would be great.

FirstbornPsycho, Myspace 59 Comments [4/1/2007 12:00:00 AM]
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szenah

I thought Jesus' death was pre-ordained by God and was meant to serve as an act of substitutional atonement, and that if he hadn't been crucified you'd still be pagan and unsaved.

What were you blaming the gangs of gay Romans for again?

4/3/2007 11:16:38 AM

anevilmeme

WTF?

The Roman army was just that an army, not a gang.


4/3/2007 11:24:07 AM

Lupine

Jesus couldn't carry the cross. They got an African dude named Simon to do that.

4/3/2007 11:28:37 AM

Gnomist

Troll, but brilliant.

4/3/2007 11:31:08 AM

David B.

Interesting rewrite of the bible there, FP.

\"Yo, meek-ass, inherit this!\" *CRUNCH!*

\"I'm gonna break a loaf of whup-ass on you all! An' don't think there won't be enough to go round!\" *THWACK!* *BOFF!\"

\"Blessed are the peacemakers, mo'fo! And I got my piece right here!\" *KA-CHIC!* *BAMBAMBAM!*

The Gospel according to Tarantino, I love it!

4/3/2007 11:32:20 AM

balom


4/3/2007 11:39:04 AM

Easy Lover

Ha ha ha ha.

Ahahahahahhahahahahahaha.

Brilliant.

The dressed in gang colors they all wore red

Not grasped the concept of a uniform then.

They would all roll together riding almost 10000 solders deep

and fighting together they defeated those that were better individual warriors but could not stand against the combined force.

I mean I bet Jesus if he had the chance would be like \"yeah I am God's son but I am not getting sacrificed by some group of homosexuals\".

I really wish that this wasn't a troll because that line is brilliant.

4/3/2007 11:39:05 AM

Mister Spak

Er - if Jesus was an omnipotent god why does it matter how many romans there were?

4/3/2007 12:22:41 PM

NJ Osprey

In conclusion Jesus' death was an example of gang violence because the Romans were too gay and cowardly to shoot the fair one with Jesus.

Yep. Gay Romans ruled an empire for almost 1,000 years. And that cohort over there thinks that you have a great ass. Better look out....

4/3/2007 12:25:06 PM

Prager

Roman legionaries were punk ass bitches?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (CRASH - falls on the floor laughing)

4/3/2007 12:44:49 PM

Aethernaut

HA! WTF?!

4/3/2007 1:01:16 PM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

All carpenters are \"built\"??? I think this psycho must have them confused with the ironworkers. Now, those guys are built!

4/3/2007 1:08:04 PM

niccomm

...speechless...

4/3/2007 1:24:59 PM

DarthFurious

\"Cyborg Pirate Ninja Jesus\"

Fuck thats beautiful, man. Absolutely beautiful.

4/3/2007 1:29:25 PM

Archangel_Lucifer

So lets face it roman soldiers don't fight alone they are a bunch of punk ass bitches


Yet somehow they managed to conquer a enormous empire...

4/3/2007 1:30:00 PM

Øyvind

Hilarious. Outright hilarious.

Jesus was jumped! I truly believe that Jesus' execution was an example of gang violence.
'By Jove, I think he's got it!' award!

The fact of the matter is that it was the Homo erotic Romans that carried it out.
True, that. Damned skirt-wearing transvestites fighting a war against a gang of nudist Gauls up in the north. What a freak show.

The Romans acted like a gang. The dressed in gang colors they all wore red. They would all roll together riding almost 10000 solders deep. So lets face it roman soldiers don't fight alone they are a bunch of punk ass bitches.
OK, so they were a gang because
• They were uniforms.
• There were a lot of them.
• They were organized into legions.

By this reasoning, every single army in the world but the terrorists in the Middle East are 'gangs'. The US Army soldiers wear uniforms. They're organized into squads, battalions, and what the Heck not. And they've sure as Heck got more than 10 000 troops in Iraq.

I'm a millimeter away from calling Poe. The only thing that stops me is that I think fundies really can be this stupid.

Hey and they had to have Jesus escorted by a whole crew of Roman soldiers.
How many Americans guarded Saddam following his capture, I wonder? Probably quite a few.

And hey, according to the Bible, he was the son of/incarnation of a god. How many men would you put to guard a man with the Creator of the world as his father, and with supernatural powers? I'd give him a bit more than just a single SWAT team, that's for sure.

I bet if it was a fair one Jesus would have drop one of them gay roman soldiers.
I agree. And Operation Iraqi Fuck-Up should've been a one-on-one fist fight of Bush versus ole Hussein.

Think about it Jesus was a carpenter which means he was built. I mean he had to carry his own torture stack you have to have strength to carry that for long distance. So Jesus was no punk.
'Jesus was no punk'. Best single sentence ever.

In conclusion Jesus' death was an example of gang violence because the Romans were too gay and cowardly to shoot the fair one with Jesus.
I agree, arrests and wars should be fair. I suppose you think Afghanistan and Iraq should have been invaded with far fewer troops than they did, you know, for the sake of a fair fight.

I mean I bet Jesus if he had the chance would be like \"yeah I am God's son but I am not getting sacrificed by some group of homosexuals\".
Funny, I thought the Bible said that was the whole idea of His incarnation on Earth?

Imaging J.C. darkening some eyeballs it would be great.
This guy's going to love the Old Testament portion of his Holy Book, should he ever choose to read it.

4/3/2007 1:39:37 PM

flipper

Trolled all the way to Balrog. Sir I salute you!!!!!!!

4/3/2007 2:04:40 PM

BurntBush

Jesus' execution was a hate crime.

First of all, the Jews were old school OT and believed that man on man sex was a sin that rated stoning.

Now it's a fact that Jesus was a homo, and was known to smoke pole down at the temple.......

Wow, makin' shit up is fun. No wonder you fundies do it so much.

4/3/2007 2:21:09 PM

Puck

From the Gospel of Judas, we can derive the intelligence that Jesus desired to get rid of his mortal shell, and he allowed Pilate and others to orchestrate the 'passion'.

If you're into the mystical shit, that means that Jesus chose to transcend space and time, as the Christ, to be available to whomever acknowledged him to be an emissary of the great Spirit.

I enjoy the Clockwork Orange fantasy version of the 'passion', and I expect FirstbornPsycho recalls that vibe.

On the other hand, the Life of Brian experience was so...positive and optimistic!

4/3/2007 2:45:33 PM

James

Soldiers should fight alone eh? Looks like we have a Chuck Norris wanabee here.

4/3/2007 3:14:22 PM

DasTicken

LOL.. I love it! I see it as a Rambo-like movie. All Jesus will need is some exploding arrows.

4/3/2007 3:20:40 PM

D Laurier

Huh?
Ok batshit insanity meets profound ignorance of history meets blithering idiocy...

4/3/2007 3:35:05 PM

Madame Scarlet

Um... Jesus wasn't supposed to stop it, right? I mean, if the Bible is true, he should've been able to go all Son of God on their asses and make them die of... something. So... even if it were just one dude escorting Jesus, he still wouldn't have stopped it.

4/3/2007 3:36:01 PM

sinner

I nominate for the \"Representin' J-Chrizzle, son!\" award

4/3/2007 3:40:01 PM

Puistokemisti

Didn't Jesus heal one of the soldiers coming to arrest him, after Peter cut his ear off?

4/3/2007 3:45:17 PM

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