Quote# 31084

I got a problem with our children being taught by authority figures that it's okay to masterbate because they claim it's better than them fornicating. I nearly don't doubt that it's a conspiracy against our children to get them to sleep around. Prisoners and mental institution patients are forbidden to masterbate. If they're caught, they face punishment. It's that serious. Why is that? Think about it. Because it turns them into a sexual threat.

When you stimulate yourself, the endorphines in your brain are released and cause you to crave sex more and more. The more you masterbate, the more sex you want. It's like doing drugs. When you don't masterbate, the less you think about it.

gardner, The Way, The Truth 33 Comments [11/11/2007 6:39:53 PM]
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If gardner is going to be so preoccupied with it, he should learn how to spell it.

11/11/2007 6:45:40 PM

JackBauer

Prisoners are forbidden to masturbate - but they can have as much buttsex and fellatio as they want?

11/11/2007 6:54:30 PM

Martin

I thought that the mental institution patients couldn't masturbate because they were wearing straight jackets.

11/11/2007 6:56:38 PM

Joe-Bob

As someone who has had to tour prisons for both internships and classwork...you are wrong. Thank you for talking out your ass. Good-bye.

11/11/2007 7:01:25 PM

Patches

The more you masterbate, the more sex you want.

So what does the fact that you seem obsessed about posting about sex say about what you do in your spare time?

11/11/2007 7:13:11 PM

√ėyvind

Prisoners and mental institution patients are forbidden to masterbate. If they're caught, they face punishment. It's that serious. Why is that? Think about it. Because it turns them into a sexual threat.

Glad that tech who caught me didn't know.

Oh, and lying for Jesus is still lying.

11/11/2007 7:18:01 PM

aqualung

further down the thread:

I can agree that many schools teach abstinence only, mine did, and at the same time they taught sex education, which was thoroughly embarrassing.

If you were embarrassed by learning about the opposite sex's body and birth control that's YOUR problem.

Realistically, kids are not only forced to live sexed up, but then they are also pretty much restricted from getting married.

So, what color is the sky on your planet?

11/11/2007 7:31:28 PM

Mister Spak

"When you don't masterbate, the less you think about it."


I think I've discovered why fundies are so obsessed with certain sexual acts . . .

11/11/2007 8:22:06 PM

Michael

"I also have a problem with authority figures teaching our kids how to spell masterbate... it's just not right!"

11/11/2007 8:47:50 PM

Lithp

Uhh...no.

Just because endorphines are released, it doesn't mean you become addicted. Sex CAN become an addiction, but usually ISN'T. Listen to me, gardner: THE ENDORPHINES DON'T TELL YOU YOU WANT SEX BEFORE YOU DO IT. THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.

So, what else is involved? What made you want to masturbate in the first place? Your logic is as flawed as my Jesus is half-fish theory.

Actually, the fact of the matter is that the longer you go without dealing with it, the MORE you think about it.

11/11/2007 9:15:09 PM

Lunalelle

You're referring to prisons and asylums from about a hundred years ago when they still thought that not masturbating was what caused hysteria, promiscuity, and asexuality in women (during which the doctor, following the diagnosis, would proceed to frig the woman until orgasm was reached) but that masturbating for males was using up a finite amount of semen and therefore terrible for a man's constitution. We have since learned otherwise. Welcome to the twenty first century.

11/11/2007 9:49:11 PM

Osiris

Endorphines don't work that way.

11/12/2007 12:07:14 AM

EnemyPartyII

True that, if you jerk off and blow all over the wared attendent or prison guard youwill get in trouble, I don't think ANY institution of that kind has a specific standing order relating to masturbation.

11/12/2007 1:24:46 AM

Mr Smith

I'm guessing gardner's right hand is glued to his cock the way he goes on about masturbation.

11/12/2007 4:36:44 AM

Katsuro

Wow, not a single thing in that quote is true, impressive.

My mother being someone who worked in a psychiatric ward, and a friend's father being a prison officer, I can confrim that masturbating is not banned in either places.

Personally, I blame the Victorians for all this prudishness.

11/12/2007 6:25:51 AM

Athar

But what will kent hovind do with all that time?

11/12/2007 6:32:15 AM

Brain_In_A_Jar

When you don't masterbate, the less you think about it.

Are you even a human being? If so, how the hell can you not know how wrong this statement is? Haven't you heard of blue balls?

Lack of sexual satisfaction leads to higher sexual desire, not less. Sexual desire is hardwired into us, for bloody obvious evolutionary benefit - there's no way of shutting it down short of fundamental genetic modification. Admittedly certain psychoactive drugs and medicines, notably some common antidepressants, can slow the build up of such desires a bit, but they can't halt them. Fortunately for us, fundies are scared of most evolutionary, mental and genetic aspects of biological science (they tend to support conclusions about humanity that they really don't like), so they probably wont try anything as stupid as genetic modification or mass medication.

11/12/2007 7:59:38 AM

EMR

This is like saying the best way to stop hunger is to stop eating.

11/12/2007 8:43:33 AM

Xotan

Masterbate, Misterbate, Mistressbate, Mrsbate, Missbate.

Doesn't anybody masturbate any more?

That mastUrbate, I mean!

11/12/2007 9:33:22 AM

approximate

Just go beat yer meat in a corner and shut up.

11/12/2007 10:02:34 AM

rubber chicken

Yeah! and when you are caught having a knuckle shuffle in prison they lock you up in a small cell, all on your own, with nothing to do because that'll stop you ?

Dicksplash, try a 23 hour lockdown with no library access and you'll end up shooting smoke like everybody else.

11/12/2007 10:17:48 AM



Prisoners and people in mental institutions are not forbidden to masturbate. Lie number one. Lie number two, following your logic, sex contributes to wanting more sex, which is false. Endorphines are just substances, chemicals that control the sensation of pleasure. It has nothing to do with addiction.

11/12/2007 10:21:22 AM

flipper

We're even! I have a problem with fundie idiots who make up shit out their ass to try and back-up their stupid theories!

11/12/2007 1:31:12 PM

Mudflappus

How do you type with such thick glasses and hairy palms gardner?

11/12/2007 3:15:09 PM

PoisonedRationality

I'm confused. Schools teach children that masturbation is better than sleeping around to get them to sleep around...?

Am I missing something, here? Did gardner just actually say that?

11/12/2007 3:29:01 PM

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