Quote# 36166

On June 30, 1984, Jesus said: "And also, My children, I ask you again to place a crucifix upon your door. Both front and back doors must have a crucifix. I say this to you because there will be carnage within your areas, and this will pass you by if you keep your crucifix upon your doors."

These Last Days Ministries, tldm.org 80 Comments [3/12/2008 4:20:56 PM]
Fundie Index: 6
Submitted By: Sayna

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NecroVMX

Well if JESUS said it...

3/12/2008 4:22:40 PM

Happymealungen

Yes, theres mentally ill people in mexico as well. Your point being?

3/12/2008 4:28:36 PM

anti-nonsense

I thought God was supposed to be omniscient? Doesn't he know who is Christian without them sticking crosses on their doors?

3/12/2008 4:30:06 PM

Papabear

Yeah, but Ben Franklin told us not to listen to you.

3/12/2008 4:32:23 PM

Mister Spak

I asked Jesus if he really said that. He told me he doesn't talk to These Last Days Ministries.

3/12/2008 4:35:05 PM

Blackvoice


ó_ò

3/12/2008 4:41:13 PM

GigaGuess

Yeah? Well the Easter Bunny said that all I had to do was hide eggs in peoples' shoes.

3/12/2008 4:46:58 PM

Mr Smith

Yeah, he told me to put a door knocker on mine. It does the same thing.

3/12/2008 4:48:38 PM

Doctor Whom

There's a link to let you order Heaven's Home Protection Racket Packet.

3/12/2008 4:49:09 PM

szena

So much for omniscience.

3/12/2008 4:53:25 PM

Illuminatalie

On March 12, 2008, Jesus said, "And also, My children of Cloverdale, whenever one of you beholds a Jehovah's Witness entering thy seldom-travelled country road, verily ye must telephone thy neighbors immediately, so that all may withdraw into their houses and lock their doors and turn their lights off, so that the Witnesses will find no listening ear in thy peaceful valley, and their insanity shall be in vain."

3/12/2008 5:04:10 PM

inmate22841

Rubbish. Jesus is dead. I saw it in a movie. Mel Gibson killed him.

3/12/2008 5:05:20 PM

Brain_In_A_Jar

Evidently god isn't sufficiently omnipotent to know if someone's family is christian or not without them having some kind of label.

Either that or demons are only able to materialise outside your house and then have to go through the door. See, trying to talk about some imaginary, intangible, ethereal world in terms of actual verifiable reality goes all runny when you get into the specifics.

3/12/2008 5:08:24 PM

Dog's Best Friend

Jesus was around in 1984? Man, he's got some good genes!

3/12/2008 5:18:53 PM

lumax

@ Illuminatalie - ROFLMAO that is freakin hysterical!!!!!!! (and true)

3/12/2008 5:40:43 PM

cyborgtroy

And it seems so convenient until they implant the crucifix in your forehead or right hand.

3/12/2008 5:45:17 PM

booley

So Jesus was around in 1984?

Doesn't that mean that the last days already came and went?

So Reagan was indeed the Anti-Christ?

3/12/2008 5:50:11 PM

antichrist

But these are Catholics! So that means the True Christians(TM) are wrong!

FUNDIE FIGHT!!

3/12/2008 5:59:18 PM

onoma

define: 'carnage within your areas'

3/12/2008 6:06:34 PM

Seamus D

You really should stay on your medication.

3/12/2008 6:13:55 PM

Brenz

Jesus' diction has changed ere these 2000 years.

3/12/2008 6:15:29 PM

SweetViolet

By my calculations, Jesus has been dead for 1,951 years, give or take a few months and not adjusting for the Gregorian/Julian calendar thing. So, if you guys are hearing from Jesus in 1984, you can pretty reliably assume that you've been suffering from some form of schizophrenia for something in the neighbourhood of 25 years. There ARE medications and therapies that can remedy that for you.


@Illuminatalie: This is exactly what my grandparents and their neighbours did in rural Oregon in the 1950s and 60s!! I can remember Grandma Violet taking a phone call from a neighbour and then being hustled down into the cellar and shushed lest we kids give away our presence!


3/12/2008 6:16:18 PM

lotus_whitedragon

Hey, Jesus was around in June 30, 1984? Damn, I missed him! And that's my birthday! That bastard owes me a present!

3/12/2008 6:45:07 PM

Caustic Gnostic

Does the vatican get a kickback for every crucifix sold?

3/12/2008 6:45:16 PM

SurfinSeaOtter

1980's passover?

3/12/2008 6:48:12 PM

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