Well, I love to sit and think about my heavenly home. What I envision is sitting under a huge tree, I am thinking of maybe the tree of life because it sets alone on a hill overlooking lushes valleys. I am sitting under this tree just talking with Jesus. He lays in the grass with His head proped up on his elbow. I am just talking a mile a minute because I am so thankful to have His complete and interested attention. He is in no hurry for me to just spit it out. He hangs on my every word and the more I talk the more Love He allows me to feel.
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Meanwhile, 20 billion other people wait impatiently beneath their own trees, checking their Rolexes every 10,000 years or so, wondering when you'll finally shut up and let them have some hot juicy Jesus-love too.
It's posts like this that make me depressed. Cheryl is probably someone who's desperate for attention, who just wants a friend to listen to her. But instead of going out into the real world to find a friend, she can only find acceptance in a daydream.
The only thing that could make this worse is if the reason she's so friendless and has no one to confide in is because she drove everyone off with endless nattering about Jesus.
;_;
Oh sure, that might be pleasant for an hour or so -- but you're not going to hold Jesus's "complete and interested attention" for much longer, if that. So, what are you going to do with the rest of eternity? (Heaven sounds like non-ending tedium, IMO.)
In my dream, jezuz reaches over to brush his hand "innocently" across my "staff of life". I tell him that I'm straight, and that I have been hating fags my entire life(because the bible told me to). At this point, I begin to pummel him mercilessly, and he eventually expires after he falls down and "hit's" his head 6 or 7 times on a large rock.
And then, after 10,000 years or so, Jesus appears to have an epileptic fit and that's when you discover that he's an android, programmed to listen, nod, and spew out a few dozen cliches. You look over the wall of your garden and discover a sea of gardens exactly the same... with other poor slobs babbling away to their personal Jesus-doll savior. Off in the distance, you hear a voice intoning solemnly,
"Imagine you are a God who has created a heaven full of people selfishly demanding your time. The adoration is so relentless and so saccharine that you are at your wit's end and nothing is getting done...."
That's when you realize... You're in Rod Serling's Heaven!
Well, since Jesus can bilocate, one would assume that he is not limited to replicating himself only once (or that whole omnipresence thing wouldn't work out), so there actually is enough Jesus to go around.
On the other hand, Jesus ain't your therapist.
Well, I love to sit and think about my heavenly home.
I like to sit and think about how to grow my online retail business and fantasize about the home improvements and the gifts I'll be able to buy for my wife. Day dreams are fine but ultimately, reality is more satisfying. Don't believe me? Watch the Star Trek episode The Cage . You can see it free at CBS.com.
What I envision is sitting under a huge tree, I am thinking of maybe the tree of life...
I'd be wary of any tree Jehovah had a hand in setting up. Don't forget that last knee-slapping gasser He pulled on us with another tree.
...the more I talk the more Love He allows me to feel.
Allow?
ALLOW?!?!?!
I
@frick
That's precisely why they need this delusion shattered. They're people like you and me, people who deserve healthy solutions and therapy, but have this unfulfilling Christinsanity blocking their way to recovery.
It's a travesty of reason and a tragedy of humanity.
Lushes have their own valleys in Heaven? It sound better and better.
In reality, Jesus doesn't exist any more: he's long gone. But if he did still exist, and he came across you babbling this suggestive tripe incessantly into his ear, I'm sure he'd smite you good. Because, Cheryl, you are a deluded fucking bore.
fergus
I'm surprised nobody has pointed out...you're with *Jesus,* somebody with, presumably, infinite wisdom, and *you* want to do all the talking.
I think this woman is lonely. She implies that nobody listens to her IRL: "I am so thankful to have His complete and interested attention." What a shame that the death-cult mentality on RR is going to harm her rather than help her.
I do like the idea of a lushes valley, though.
Hey, even doctors can have fantasies like that!
There's a cottage camp just outside Akron... in a grove of maple trees. Green, cool, beautiful. That's my favorite tree. And I'd go there with a pretty woman. Oh. A strange woman, a quiet woman. Oh, under a tree. I wouldn't even want to know her name, while I would be just... Mr. Smith. Then I would send out for cold beer. (No whiskey.) Then I would tell her things. Things that I've never told to anyone. Things that are locked deep... in here. And as I talked to her, I would want her to hold out her soft white hand and say, "Poor thing. You poor, poor thing."
I guess something about having an invisible friend brings this out in people...
What I envision is sitting under a huge tree, I am thinking of maybe the tree of life because it sets alone on a hill overlooking lushes valleys.
Umm, have you forgotten what a hissy fit god threw the last time anybody messed about with the absolutely verboten tree? Condemning humanity to hardship and pain for millennia ring a bell? How can you think it would be a good idea to go anywhere near that fucking thing?
If there is a god I feel so sorry for him. Having to spend an eternity listening to all this fundie-babble and brown-nosing, AND KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO SAY BEFORE THEY SAID IT!
PS they talk about their pets: no animals have NO souls so they can't go.
PPS all you get to do is sing praises to god and Jesus forever.
"Well, I love to sit and think about my heavenly home."
It sure beats actually doing something useful doesn't it, C4C?
Sad how your vision of paradise is where you'll be able to yammer on forever with someone actually caring what your saying. Makes me think that you're a pathetic lonely person who drives everyone away with her continuous babbling.
Or, just maybe, you could get an actual boyfriend, who could be the same way with you, AND you wouldn't have to die first! Oh, wait, sorry, I mean, "get Raptured." You guys really have NO ambition, do you?
Meanwhile, 20 billion other people wait impatiently beneath their own trees, checking their Rolexes every 10,000 years or so, wondering when you'll finally shut up and let them have some hot juicy Jesus-love too.
Holy shit, someone should paint that scene or something. It'd be another classic.
That last sentence is just a bit creepy. And seriously, how conceited is it to expect Jesus himself to just sit there and listen to you, and only you, talk?
Wow, talk about arrogance. Aren't Christians supposed to be humble? I thought that their religion was about devoting one's self to the adoration of their god, not daydreaming about a god who will devote himself to the adoration of them.
"What I envision is sitting under a huge tree, I am thinking of maybe the tree of life because it sets alone on a hill overlooking lushes valleys."
So you see heaven as a valley, huh?
Are you by some chance a dinosaur?
Kudos if you get the reference.
Fishcakes: What good deeds? They equate "good deeds" with yammering to people about Christ in public and everywhere else they go, or passing out tracts. Or starting prayer threads on RR. The rest of the time they bitch to each other about people who actually DO good things because the people they did them for weren't white/Euro-American/Christian/heterosexual, and how they're going to hell for being good to sinners. They're all kinds of backwards over there.
Hang on a minute - does this idiot not realise that she can go out right fucking now , find a hunky, intelligent, caring male companion and sit idly under a tree spending pleasant time with him, and nobody has to die to achieve it? Or is the entirety of humanity simply not good enough for her, and she won't settle for less than the cosmic jewish zombie himself? And any of the perfectly good trees and valleys in the most beautiful corners of this earth simply won't do, no, it has to be the special, forbidden tree that nobody's allowed to touch?
I'd advise you to take your boyfriend on a picnic, and maybe capture some of that feeling before you wink off into oblivion, but he'd probably just get tired of hearing you talk about this Jesus guy all the time.
God, I hate it when chicks talk about their other boyfriends on dates.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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