Quote# 43390

[The sexual references in this rapture-belief-in-a-nutshell are disturbing. Plus, they seriously believe this stuff? Christ's Warriors? Cities falling from the sky? WTF??]

When the Church is raptured (John 14:1-4 1 The. 4:16-17 Rev. 3:10) we obtain our resurrection bodies (1 Cor. 15:50-54) and spend at least a 7 year honeymoon (during the 7 yr. Trib) in heaven with our bridegroom Jesus. The Bema Seat Judgement takes place (2 Cor. 5:10). We then come down as Christ's Warriors (Rev. 19:19 Joel 3:9-11 Jer. 51:20-23) to help Him fight the Battle of Armaggedon. After which we spend the millenium as the Bride of Christ (Rev. 21:9), after the marriage feast with the Lamb (Rev. 19:7-8) in the New Jerusalem that comes down from heaven (Rev. 21:10) and then is raised up and hovers in the sky (Zec. 14:10).

1angel4u, RR 51 Comments [7/22/2008 11:26:26 PM]
Fundie Index: 10
Submitted By: Democritus

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szena

Anything to avoid dealing constructively with the here and now, eh?

7/22/2008 11:28:04 PM

Berny

Seriously, dude!
John was high on mushrooms when he wrote that shit.

7/22/2008 11:28:27 PM

Illuminatalie

The rapture does not work that way, post-tribulationist!

At least 7 years? Cripes, after 6 days won't you get a *bit* tired?

7/22/2008 11:29:06 PM

Esjeur

And some people ask why I'm not Christian anymore...

7/22/2008 11:30:02 PM

Thirddrop

Hey, I'm male, I don't need no bridegroom. Ewww! Also, what in the blue rings of Saturn is the Bema Seat Judgement?

7/22/2008 11:32:21 PM

werewolf

I thought your god was all-powerful, almighty and all that shit. Why does he need any of you to "help Him fight the Battle of Armaggedon"?

I read about those hovering cities in a sci fi novel titled "Cities in Flight" by James Blish. Didn't know your fantasy book had them, too.

7/22/2008 11:34:38 PM

Lucilius

Sounds like a bunch of needless rigamarole for someone who could supposedly just give the word for everything to pop into existence. Has your god grown impotent and bureaucratic in his old age?

7/22/2008 11:38:08 PM

JESUS PLEASE COME SOON!

Bridegroom? Seriously?

I know I keep saying this, but these guys are all just obsessed celebrity stalkers, who happen to have gone after a religious deity. "We'll be together with him in heaven!" Sound familiar?

7/22/2008 11:39:52 PM

Doctor Whom

The passage that you cite from I Thessalonians clearly states that the Rapture was to happen during the life of the author. Have a blessed day.

7/22/2008 11:45:11 PM

Old Viking

Sounds very ... I don't know ... complicated.

7/22/2008 11:51:51 PM

anonymous_troy

And then can we get cotton candy and lemon shake-downs?

7/22/2008 11:57:10 PM

Jay-Sus

Fucking make sense!

7/22/2008 11:59:28 PM

Yeshua

Talk about cherry-picking the Bible to find evidence for what you've already decided was true. I'm sure the post-millennialists, post-tribulationists and the preterists can come up with an equally long list of quotes. The RR cult need to get their heads out of the fictional Tim LaHaye "Left Behind" books and come back to reality.

7/23/2008 12:03:08 AM

Lectora

This is why they freak out over gay sex. They're desperate to have their "honeymoon" with Jesus... they're jealous of people who have real intimacy when all they have is the false hope of intimacy with their gay lover from the sky.

7/23/2008 12:04:23 AM

Annick

A seven-year honeymoon with Jeebus ? Wow... and I thought the Mormons were nasty.

7/23/2008 12:14:08 AM

cool cats

If you think this is bad, ask a fundie about the Song of Solomon and how God loves us and all. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww!

7/23/2008 12:18:42 AM

Grigadil

And they all inhaled the rich fragrant smoke. (Elev 4:20)

7/23/2008 12:24:10 AM

Lilith

For your edification, I googled Bema Seat and found:

"Bema Seat - What Is It and When Is It?
The concept of the Bema Seat comes from the ancient Olympics, where a judge would sit on the Bema Seat at the finish line. The judge's purpose was to determine what position the runners came in-first, second, and so on-and then to give out the appropriate rewards. That is the imagery behind what is known as the Bema Seat.

Also known as the Judgment Seat of Christ, the Bema Seat is described in 1 Corinthians 3:12-15, "If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." Your gold, silver, and costly stones are works done for the glory of God, with the right motive, and in dependence upon the power of the Holy Spirit."

So, basically typical weird fundy interpretation of scripture.

7/23/2008 12:25:59 AM

Allegory for Jesus

So...we have, amongst the Christians, people who worship the words of Jesus, people who worship the words of the Old Testament (more or less selectively), people who worship the words of Paul, and now we have a clear window into the true nature of Rapture Ready: people who worship the near-apocryphal message of the book of Revelation.

It is all so very entertaining...

7/23/2008 12:26:25 AM

approximate

Gang bang in hebbin?

7/23/2008 12:44:53 AM

Airbag

So Jesus is the ultimate polygamist? Are the moronmons on to something?

7/23/2008 1:12:57 AM

pete

So. Heaven is one giant gay wedding? Are the fundies afraid that if gays can marry on Earth then they will be denied their rightful gay marriage to Jesus? If I were Jesus, I would prefer to marry experienced, tender, lovers. Not the repressed freaks from RR.

Aw crap. Lectora beat me to it.

7/23/2008 1:14:48 AM

Wilhelm

I thought that was the plot for the new Adam Sandler movie coming out next year...

7/23/2008 1:22:01 AM

tracer

This woman really, really needs to get laid.

7/23/2008 1:35:07 AM

Brian-sama

Even when I was a Christian, I never understood the whole "Christ's Warriors" or "God's Warriors" thing. Why would a guy who is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent need my help to fight a battle? For that matter, why would there even be a battle in the first place?

7/23/2008 1:53:28 AM

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