I desire to meet a single, saved heaven bound, marriage minded man. A man who TOTALLY loves God with all of his heart and fellowships with Him. Just knowing about Him is insufficient. A man, whom by character, is gentle, loyal, loving, caring, compassionate, patient, understanding, kind, fun, joyful, humble, content, respectful, trusting, confident (not prideful), spiritually strong and mentally balanced. Who's naturally healthy and believes in healing. A provider, protector, and willing to give his life for me. Will love me as he loves himself and as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself for it. Will receive all of my love and put me first after Christ. One who's financially stable, has good credit and pays his bills on time. Pays tithes and give offerings with great enthusiasm. Will always speak well to me and of me, will honor me, and bathe me with the washing of the water of the Word. Attends and serves in church regularly. Willing to equally submit, coupled with godly compromise in a relationship. Will forgive and forget my mistakes. Will intercede for me. Gentle and very passionate (in marriage only!). This man is my husband. He's looking and, praying for me. He is blessed of the Lord and will obtain favor when he finds me.
73 comments
You've clearly misunderstood the bit where you're supposed to basically be a slave to your husband and not expect anything but grudging respect toward you from him.
You'll NEVER find a husband with THAT un-scriptural attitude!
"gentle, loyal, loving, caring, compassionate, patient, understanding, kind, fun, joyful, humble, content, respectful, trusting, confident (not prideful), spiritually strong and mentally balanced"
Settle for a guy who won't beat you. I swear that the criteria you have presented are 1. unlikely to be possessed by a single person 2. nearly contradictory and 3. indicative of someone who would probably be too good for you.
And, I say this, for the lulz.
Seriously, who wants to set this girl up with bobx, professional misogynist and rape apologist? Because I think that it would be comedy gold.
even if they believe in God, such a man does not exist.
Sorry love, you'll have to put up with scumbags like rest of us >.<
OR, you could do what some girls do (including myself) get your tits out, find a whippable guy and get him. He'll buy you stuff, drive you around and do whatever you tell him to. It's much more fun! :D
sorry, totally wandered off into an erotic daydream of bathing this woman in a tub...
ooh yes...i wash your back with the word of Jesus...i srcape your pits in His name...i sprinkle your crack with holy spirit extract....ooh....i want to bathe you with the blood of jesus...yum...god im so turned on...this is pretty erotic.
we shall call it Holy Porn!
Read your Bible cover to cover. Pay close attention to everything it says about women.
If you've already done that, then it seems you want to be
a slave and have about the same respect from others as if
you were a piece of furniture.
I'm a man who is only attracted to women and I would NEVER
treat any woman, or any one, the way the Bible says that
women should be treated.
gentle, loyal, loving, caring, compassionate, patient, understanding, kind, fun, joyful, humble, content, respectful, trusting, confident (not prideful), spiritually strong and mentally balanced.
If he's mentally balanced, he won't be a gawdbot.
You fail.
@SomeGuyInAHat
Or too female.
mentally balanced
contradicts the
TOTALLY loves God with all of his heart and fellowships with Him [...] Pays tithes and give offerings with great enthusiasm. Will always speak well to me and of me, will honor me, and bathe me with the washing of the water of the Word. Attends and serves in church regularly.
part.
Why don't you just go ahead and admit that you're attracted to Jesus already?
"A man, whom by character, is gentle, loyal, loving, caring, compassionate, patient, understanding, kind, fun, joyful, humble, content, respectful, trusting, confident (not prideful), spiritually strong and mentally balanced."
I think most of us would desire such a spouse, but your quest is an impossible one as you will never find a mentally balanced Fundie.
The things I seized on... whatever happened to for richer and for poorer? In sickness and in health? If you're not willing to offer that much, B2WH, why should *he* be willing to give his life for you? If he's not supposed to say anything negative about you, do you think *you* live up to all these qualifications?
This is why my guy is an agnostic. I'm a Christian, but I swear, in my experience dating Christians is ridiculously over-complicated. You're supposed to be perfect, an even better Christian than they are by their own standards of behavior, and also supposed to forgive them all their flaws including failure to live up to their own standards. Sorry, no.
Hey, this stuff isn't limited to fundies... I have a (former) friend, card carrying Wiccan, has the exact same list. She wants to stop working and be his servant and push out babies. Just swap out some of the religious stuff for pagan ritual. Lifting her up as the house goddess and all that.
I would like to point out she's 35 and "never been kissed." No really, literally.
Well, good news and bad news:
Good news: a certain carpenter and part-time rabbi in Palestine meets all of your criteria.
Bad news: he is celebate.
Tough luck.
Fuck all that word salad, any nude pix, bitch?
Ever had a big one from behind while praying? Last salvation army girl loved it! The Hallelujahs at the end were priceless! She prayed a lot too!
Hahahahaha this is comical.
What a fucking idiot, thinking she can custom design a perfect man to have shipped down from heaven to her fat, awkward, bible thumping self.
Apparently, "great in bed" isn't high on the priority list.
Oh, what am I saying? Fundies are deathly afraid of sex!
apart from the overwhelming amounts of phail on this site, what is it with their menagerie of smilies?!
Normal people get by with very few emoticons; these morons sprinkle them aound like a 3 year old sprinkles glitter!
Wishful thinking for Jesus. Don't you know you're supposed to submit to the first dipshit who gets your father's permission to buy you? This is even more pathetic than the fundie guys who drool over having a wife whose really hot, entirely submissive and has had a complete frontal lobotomy. God isn't going to drop some Gary Stu into your lap, sweetie.
Fucking hell!She doesn't want much, does she?
I fear that Born2worshipHim is destined to be as dissapointed in her love life as she will be in her religious life, when the Rapture fails to show up.
"A man, whom by character, is gentle, loyal, loving, caring, compassionate, patient, understanding, kind, fun, joyful, humble, content, respectful, trusting, confident (not prideful), spiritually strong and mentally balanced. Who's naturally healthy and believes in healing. A provider, protector, and willing to give his life for me. Will love me as he loves himself and as Christ loves the Church and gave Himself for it."
Well, you're not really leaving much room for error there, are you?
A later post by Longing2cJesus:
"I am now 68 and have been praying since I came to the Lord at age 43 for a husband/helpmate. He has not seen fit to provide so I am content and I will say that God has been a very good husband to me and provided for all my needs and helped me through many valleys."
This is your future, Born2worshipHim. Have fun with God as your husband.
she wants:
"A man who TOTALLY loves God with all of his heart and fellowships with Him."
so not much room for her then; any love she has is STOLEN from god.
The best she can hope for is a guy who will be friendly
Willing to equally submit, coupled with godly compromise in a relationship.
WTF - I am sure the other raptards will not like that idea! As a (TM) Xtian woman you are to fully submit and do as your told by your prospective (TM) Xtian husband!
Isn't compromise a swear word in (TM) Xtianity?
"I desire to meet a single, saved heaven bound, marriage minded man. A man who TOTALLY loves God with all of his heart and fellowships with Him." tl;dr...
Unless you're also a tigress in the sack, I'd say the only place you'll find such a paragon of True Christianity is where you are now: Ruptured Retards.
...oh, but they're either too misogynistic or still living with their parents to appeal to your very exacting standards. Or you could take that Bible out of your arse, lower your standards somewhat, and look for a decent Atheist. They're the only men who won't beat you or be too young & immature for you.
So go tell your dad to broker a good marriage for you. He gets a few sheckels of silver, and you get a man the way Rachel did. Your dad's dead? Oh, then you can marry your half-brother like Sarah. No half brother? Okay, then go to a country where there is a war and allow yourself to be carried off as booty. Lots of biblical women landed men in that way.
Or, you could remember that Paul discouraged marriage, since Jesus was coming "soon." True, he did grudgingly admit that if the kids were too horny to wait they should get married rather than sin with each other. Of course, that doesn't describe you now, does it?
Well, I have two good news and a bad news. Good number one is: if you lower just one of your standards just a little bit, I have a right person for you. Good number two is: That person is a fairly good cook and quite good in bed (or at least that's what I heard from the said persons friends in the same bussiness), which are two more things that you didn't really request. Bad news: Well, she's a nun.
It's not really fundie, is it? She wants what her vision of a perfect guy is, and I suppose that's common enough. How many people dive into the dating pool for the first time and say "I want a spouse/fucktoy who only beats me on weekends"? Life, especially in terms of romance, is about making do with what you get. Idealists dream about meeting their soul-mate. She's an idealist (in terms of romance), so I'm just giving it a meh. I don't think that just because the website is called Rapture-ready, everything is worthy of this site.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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