Quote# 50261

Jesus was a pretty tough guy. If he was born in 21st century Britain, instead of 1st century Palestine, people would soon wake up to the fact Jesus is not a guy who is easily messed with. He would be be a damn tough kid at school, and would take cheek from no one. He would not be the bed-wetting sissy the liberals make him out to be: he would be into manly things like sports and hunting and fixing up old cars. He was, if I need to remind anyone, a carpenter in his day, which is a pretty hardy profession. Today, he'd probably be a miner or construction worker. They'd probably send him to prison nowadays instead of crucifying him - but he'd be 'top dog' inside and no-one would dare mess with him or his disciples. That is the Jesus of the Bible, and it's the Jesus that the liberals don't want anyone to know about.

Garvan Ellison, The Garvanian 77 Comments [10/21/2008 4:38:20 PM]
Fundie Index: 8
Submitted By: Barry

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Ummm I think you need to re-read NT...

10/21/2008 4:41:58 PM

Rebellious Scot

Jesus: didn't he say, "Turn the other cheek." So yeh, I see him as radical, much like MLK, Voltaire etc. He probably was moral but not incorruptible. But, just LMFAO! Oooh I got piccy hold on.

10/21/2008 4:42:00 PM


Matthew 5:39, bitch!

10/21/2008 4:43:34 PM


I'm just imagining Jesus in prison clothes. "I'm the Son of God, and these boys here are my bitches."

Actually, that kinda makes the whole 'deciples' thing make sense...

10/21/2008 4:43:38 PM

Smells Like a Monkey

I don't think Jesus would have enough time for hobbies, being as how he's your savior and everything...

10/21/2008 4:44:29 PM


They'd probably send him to prison nowadays instead of crucifying him - but he'd be 'top dog' inside

Great, just the mental image I need, Jesus asserting his dominance by anally-raping his fellow prisoners. I'm going to throw up.

and no-one would dare mess with him or his disciples.

Have you even read the New Testament?

10/21/2008 4:45:27 PM

Rebellious Scot


10/21/2008 4:45:57 PM

Thinking Allowed

Jesus that Garvan sounds more like a redneck, not the savior of the world.

10/21/2008 4:47:35 PM

Doctor Whom


10/21/2008 4:49:18 PM


Would this Jesus rape me in the prison shower?

10/21/2008 4:51:59 PM

Allegory for Jesus

"Jesus is str8 gangsta".

10/21/2008 4:56:38 PM


Either a Poe, or someone who needs to crack his Bible open. "Blessed are the Peacekeepers?"

10/21/2008 4:57:59 PM

Quantum Mechanic

Jesus is a myth, shit-for-brains.

10/21/2008 4:58:54 PM


Jesus and his 12 men - the first gay interest group...

10/21/2008 4:59:19 PM


It's a power fantasy.

10/21/2008 5:07:41 PM


Wow, your jesus sounds more like a school bully than anyone's saviour.

10/21/2008 5:12:25 PM

David D.G.

I'm beginning to get the serious vibe that Garvan Ellison is a poe. This post is just too rife with obvious parody material.

~David D.G.

10/21/2008 5:13:07 PM


Jesus: Top dog in lockup!

10/21/2008 5:14:32 PM

Dog's Best Friend

So, jesus is a gang banger?

10/21/2008 5:16:55 PM

Mister Spak

And from time to time he would go up in the sky and beat up Allah.

10/21/2008 5:17:51 PM


I'm laughing really hard at this. Testosterone Jesus!

10/21/2008 5:17:58 PM

a mind far far away

I think the "Man Show" has a new co-host, Jesus, the man's man! But all that "love they neighbor", and "turn the oher cheek" stuff he talked about. What's actually in the Bible about Jesus, that's the stuff fundy Christians don't want anyone to know about. Anyone else get the feeling that fundy Christianity is reaching cult-like levels?

10/21/2008 5:18:42 PM


Quite an imagination.

10/21/2008 5:20:18 PM

Right, right, I remember all this from the Bible. It's in the book of Jesus the Thug.

10/21/2008 5:25:00 PM


Your right, Jesus was tough. But he would not be a gun toting conservative at all.

10/21/2008 5:25:17 PM

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