HoJuSimpson

Child abuse in 3, 2, 1...

12/12/2008 10:04:48 PM

blah

if the answer to more than one or two of these is “yes,” your child is a teenager.

12/12/2008 10:14:18 PM

GreenEyedLilo

Shorter: If your teenager's acting like a teenager, keep them housebound and force them to listen to only hand-selected hymns.

Worked for Katy Perry's parents!

12/12/2008 10:14:19 PM

anonymous

Ding
Ding, and my heart is in my chest cavity, where most people's hearts are.
I disdain things that are 'wholesome' because that adjective is really annoying and 'wholesome' things are generally stupid and boring. Now, killing people. That's fun.
No, I have an e-mail address, speech recognition, a command-line, and I can also read. You can use any of these interfaces to ask me favors or anything else.
Pop culture? Fuck that.
Well, I listen to "Angel of Death", "Antichrist", and "Hell Awaits" by Slayer almost daily. They're iffy.
High culture is boring. If I'm going to demand entertainment, I'm going to demand entertaining entertainment.
No, but I do look for innuendo everywhere. Heh. Deeper and deeper.
I dunno. Are all the cool kids wearing this?
Not if they're stupid. Or guys.

My heart has been drawn into the world.
... Nope, it's still in my chest cavity. Your quiz needs improvement.

12/12/2008 10:15:20 PM

In other words if they're surly, won't listen to worship music any more, read Twilight, lock their bedroom door and don't think that church picnics are the greatest thing since crunchy peanut butter, you should kill them. Now. With fire.

12/12/2008 10:15:32 PM

ArmandT

God help me!!! My teenage child has begun to think for him/herself!!!

12/12/2008 10:32:45 PM

Katsuro

WTF? This list is just a discription of teenagers. I bet you're a fun parent. Jesus Christ!

12/12/2008 10:34:29 PM

Headache

Here is a picture of your son when I asked him what he thinks of you:

12/12/2008 10:45:08 PM

Marc

if the answer to more than one or two of these is “yes,” the teenager is normal

Fixed

12/12/2008 10:47:47 PM

Eden

Poor kids who grow up in these fundamentalist families and just want to be "normal" like all the other kids in their class

12/12/2008 10:48:22 PM

Cthulhuigi

I'm not sure about sex, but it actually is a pretty bad idea for children to have a casual attitude about the evils of Christianity and violence.

12/12/2008 10:52:59 PM

interrobang

O noes, my teenager is normal!

12/12/2008 10:53:28 PM

kingoftheheavies

I hope your teen kills you.

12/12/2008 10:53:57 PM

History Teacher

The level to which teens are immersed in pop culture today is beyond what most of us grew up with. You have to consider that they never have to "turn it off" as all of us did. They constantly have access to music, internet etc...via cell phones that seem to be surgically attached to their hands.

Teen culture has become more and more based on consumerism and materialism as well and parents have some right to be concerned. My students have great difficulty with the idea that there is something they could research and write or speak about for communications class besides a brand name or corporation. One kid wanted to do an entire speech on "Nike Athletic Shorts" last year. That example is the norm not the exception.

This poster is a bit outside the norm in wanting her kids to be only concerned with "high culture" and spiritual things, but for a normal parent to want his or her teens to grow beyond pop culture and consumerism is not something we should be mocking. It's something we should probably be encouraging.

12/12/2008 10:56:21 PM

The Lazy One

I'm a teenager, let me answer this.

1. Yes, yes, and a resounding YES.
2. Yes, probably. Does discussing the Internet count?
3. It depends on what you consider wholesome. I hate going outside (health issues) and I fail at physical activity. However, I do like to read and program, and I also knit and I like photography.
4. No. Well, my writing is a way for me to communicate but I've never said "My music speaks to me".
5. NO.
6. Ok, ok, you got me there. But it's religion in general.
7. No, I love art, especially mosaics and photography. I'm very interested in photography.
8. No. I'm not really in to pop culture... I'm content to lurk around a lot and do my own thing. I can't stand most pop music. I guess I'm part of a cultural subset of lurkers, if that's possible.
9. Well, I have been known to use Internet terms before...
10. Define this.

12/12/2008 11:00:20 PM

Siberia

Yay, I wanna try this.

* Does my teenager regard spiritual exercises (reading the Word, going to church) as dull and boring?
Yup.
* Does my teen talk more about movies and music than spiritual things? Where is his/her heart?
Yup. In my chest.
* Does my teen disdain wholesome, simple fun as beneath him/her?
Define wholesome, simple fun. I doubt we'll have the same definition. I consider playing with Photoshop, reading and making clay sculptures as simple fun. Does it count?
* Does he/she feel that he/she can only be communicated with through certain forms? (E.g., “This is my music. This is what speaks to me.”)
Er. You kid doesn't mean it that way, but w/e. Possibly?
* Does my teen feel that popularity in a crowd that exalts pop culture is a must-have?
Nah. Popularity is overrated.
* Does the music my teen listens to exhibit irreverence or a casual attitude toward Christianity (not to mention sex or violence)?
... obviously. It's a lot cooler that way.
* Does my teen disdain high culture in any way?
Define high culture. I do so love classical music, as much as my Gothic & death metal bands. I love museums, though opera isn't my thing - unless it's like Carmina Burana :)
* Does my teen constantly push the boundaries, trying to go deeper and deeper into pop culture?
Again, define pop culture. I do love pushing boundaries, though.
* Does pop culture significantly shape the way my teen dresses, acts, and talks?
Talk yes, the rest, nah.
* Does my teenager find rough, coarse, or rebellious people attractive?
Depends... usually yes for rebellious. Unless they're stupid posers or whiny bitches, then no.

Ohnoes, my heart needs purifying! *gasp*

12/12/2008 11:07:55 PM

aaa

Kid, welcome to fucking united states of america.

12/12/2008 11:09:56 PM

Illuminatalie

What if your teen drops acid, gets tattoos, wears a black leather jacket, and steals hubcaps? Is that a bad thing?

12/12/2008 11:22:37 PM

Reverend Jeremiah

Look, just face it, Christianity has ZERO entertainment factor..nor is it considered "cool".

The majority of its followers are rightly called; "party poopers, hypocrites, and bible thumpers". Nobody wants to be around these types, and when I was in school most of the christian kids were bullies or pushy.

My daughter is having a hard time learning biology because the Christians keep standing up and preaching during class trying to disrupt it.

Besides, anyone who uses the word "prayerfully" really should have no business downing pop-culture.

12/12/2008 11:29:56 PM

Why not just buy a muzzle for your kid while you're at it?

12/12/2008 11:54:12 PM

Plargf

DON'T LET YOUR CHILDREN GO INTO THE WORLD! THE ATHEISTS WILL TURN YOUR CHILDREN INTO HOMOSEXUAL, DRUG USING, BABY KILLING, VAMPIRIC, EVOLUTION CULT MEMBERS!! SHUT THEM OUT FROM THE WORLD WHILE THEY'RE STILL SUGGESTIBLE!! <~ That's pretty much fundie mentality.

12/13/2008 12:35:17 AM

WMDKitty

That's what we call "Normal Teenage Behavior" here in the real world.

12/13/2008 12:46:37 AM

rw23

I like personality tests. It's a failing of my personality that I always want to respond to them, regardless of circumstance.

* Does my teenager regard spiritual exercises (reading the Word, going to church) as dull and boring?

Fuck yeah. I grew out of that when I was eleven. I went and did better things instead (and except for the lack of the prayer and grovelling aspect, I'm sure most Christians would agree that the community work I chose to do on a Sunday was better than sitting around for an hour getting bored).

* Does my teen talk more about movies and music than spiritual things? Where is his/her heart?

My heart is definitely not in spiritual things. Movies and music have their place, but they're not the be all and end all.

* Does my teen disdain wholesome, simple fun as beneath him/her?

What, like sex?

* Does he/she feel that he/she can only be communicated with through certain forms? (E.g., “This is my music. This is what speaks to me.”)

Shallow, perhaps, but better music than religion.

* Does my teen feel that popularity in a crowd that exalts pop culture is a must-have?

Yeah, if s/he's a mindless drone. Count me out.

* Does the music my teen listens to exhibit irreverence or a casual attitude toward Christianity (not to mention sex or violence)?

Motorhead, AC/DC, Threshold, Black Sabbath....

* Does my teen disdain high culture in any way?

Opera and ballet tends to be dull, in my experience at least. The theatre is magic. Books are eye-opening wonders on human thought and experience and imagination. Any of you cunts who want to cut back on library funding should be shot and left to die in a gutter; if you are lucky starving pigs will hasten your painful demise.

* Does my teen constantly push the boundaries, trying to go deeper and deeper into pop culture?

I draw the line at X-Factor. Long before X-Factor, actually.

* Does pop culture significantly shape the way my teen dresses, acts, and talks?

Black t-shirt, black jeans....

* Does my teenager find rough, coarse, or rebellious people attractive?

So you're saying I'm narcissistic?

12/13/2008 12:56:28 AM

Old Viking

Does my teen have a pulse?

12/13/2008 1:13:07 AM

Allegory for Jesus

"Does my teenager regard spiritual exercises (reading the Word, going to church) as dull and boring?"

Those are not "spiritual exercises". That's humdrum routine, and is deemed to be more than that because Jesus is involved. But you are even to drain anything remotely "spiritual" about that into an hour of repeating hymns, listening to someone read from the Bible, and going back home and insisting that you continue to read from the Bible (which, is also not all that spiritual and far more gritty and repetitive).

"Does my teen talk more about movies and music than spiritual things?"

Muisc and movies can contain spiritual things, you know. And, regardless of that, sometimes they are more relatable than what you consider "spiritual", and it allows them to better relate to people who do not agree with what THEY consider spiritual.

"Does my teen disdain wholesome, simple fun as beneath him/her?"

Examples, please. Because sometimes, it is just that that "wholesome, simple fun" is monotonous or underwhelming.

"Does he/she feel that he/she can only be communicated with through certain forms?"

The irony of that complaint coming from someone bitching about their kids not liking listening to their preacher and reading her holy book is probably lost on you.

"Does my teen feel that popularity in a crowd that exalts pop culture is a must-have?"

It doesn't matter what the crowd "exalts", popularity, in some form, IS a must-have, in the sense that we need at least some people who think that we are mildly important in order to remain sane, functional human beings.

"Does the music my teen listens to exhibit irreverence or a casual attitude toward Christianity (not to mention sex or violence)?"

You know...lyrics don't really matter. Personally, I find that just listening to the rhythm is good enough for me, since I usually can't understand what they are saying anyway! The lyrics could be "go rape a puppy" and I would not notice, nor care, nor agree with the musician.

"Does my teen disdain high culture in any way?"

Why, I do say that I am beginning to think that the good madame is trying to maintain a sense of respect for the aristocracy in her young offspring.

"Does my teen constantly push the boundaries, trying to go deeper and deeper into pop culture?"

How is that vague question 1. possible to ascertain and 2. different from the implications of the other questions?

"Does pop culture significantly shape the way my teen dresses, acts, and talks?"

I hear that pop culture is dictating that children wear a T-shirt and jeans, act casual, and speak English (with a touch of slang). EVERYBODY PANIC!!!

"Does my teenager find rough, coarse, or rebellious people attractive?"

Trying to prevent your daughter from making the same mistakes you did? ;)

"A fast from cultural junk food, along with lots of family discussion that prayerfully and intelligently evaluates art forms, can help purify his heart."

Wow. And you thought that they felt CHURCH was boring! I personally couldn't imagine coming out of such a retarded ordeal with my mind intact.

12/13/2008 1:35:55 AM