["The Hebrews crossed the 'sea of reeds'. Most Jews agree on this. After all, the first 5 books are theirs."]
The first five books are theirs? Um, no. Moses was a Christian. Sorry.
221 comments
Wait, that would mean that he knew Jesus' teaching before Jesus ever taught them, which would mean that they were actually Moses' teachings! Jesus is a plagiarist!
Well, we already knew that, but still, this time it's by your admission!
He isn't a Poe, he's a loony. He's one of these obnoxious bastards that believes that modern Jews aren't descended from the Hebrews of the OT. Only True Christians follow the True Faith as described in the OT, so Moses wasn't a Jew but a Christian, QED.
He has two websites, and sells self-published books containing his, ah, wisdom at $10 a go. I think he may prove to be a great new source of teh lulz.
He isn't a Poe, he's a loony. He's one of these obnoxious bastards that believes that modern Jews aren't descended from the Hebrews of the OT. Only True Christians follow the True Faith as described in the OT, so Moses wasn't a Jew but a Christian, QED.
He has two websites, and sells self-published books containing his, ah, wisdom at $10 a go. I think he may prove to be a great new source of teh lulz.
"Um, no. Moses was a Christian. Sorry. "
Um, no. The entire Old Testament is Jewish.
Jesus was also Jewish.
And ProperousIndividual is a retard.
Moses was a myth, drawn from other cultures. He can be whatever ethnicity you want. His action figure is available in white, tan, black, and striped.
And Jewish seems to me to be a description of religion not ethnicity. Obviously there are semites that are not Jews at this point. I haven't seen any oriental heritage Jews but I imagine they exist.
I keep hearing this reed sea/Red Sea claim.
OK, the words look similar in English, but the Pentateuch wasn't written in English. Does it work in any ancient middle Eastern language?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
image
Don't you just love fundamentalists?
Where else could I get my daily dose of idiotic, gratuitous, ridiculous, self-defeating, completely moronic admissions of utter stupidity?
Thank you, prosperousindividual, for cheering up a day that started dim indeed. Please keep up the good work. I'll be reading new pearls of wisdom from you soon, I hope...
Moses couldn't have been a Christian, Christ himself hadn't even been made up yet!!
Ugh, I hate this whole "the guys we like are ours, the guys we hate aren't" thing.
prosperousindividual is a great thinker and font of wisdom, or so he thinks and is how his site presents him. In truth, he is an inconsequential twerp and a source of much humour, eg he lists cannibalism as part of the faith structure of atheism.
I forget... wasn't Moses before Jesus by like... a lot?
And wasn't Jesus the Christ? You know, the guy that Christianity was founded four hundred years later to worship?
So um... explain how Moses was a Christian, please?
Isn't the "Um, no, sorry" argument a little... second grade?
He uses it TWICE in that link.
Adam was a Christian, too. Eve, on the other hand, was a pagan.
Those mixed marriages never work.
NO, no, no.
WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!
You know how I know this isn't a poe? You just can't make up this level of stupidity. If you're a poe, that means you're smart enough to see the humor in this sort of writing--which means you're too smart to be able to think like this. It's a sort of Incompleteness Theorem of Stupidity--no matter how stupid you manage to make your poe-ing, someone will always manage to come up with something even stupider.
Moses was a Christian.
... but Jesus was a Jew.
For this argument to even vaguely work you would have to prove that Moses was looking forward to the coming of the Messiah.
Otherwise, this just hurts my brain.
Sure, and Ghandi was a christianist as well.
Yeah, that's the ticket. Like my wife, Morgan Fairchild, who I've seen NAKED!
And according to the bible, Moses spoke english.
I hope prosperousindividual can feel this, because I'm facepalming as hard as I can.
It never ceases to amaze me just how little most christian fundies seem to know about their own religion. One would almost think that they haven't even read their own bibl.... Oh they haven't, well then, that explains so much.
Seriously, If your going to buy into something as implausible as religion then shouldn't you at least read the damn owner's manual/instructions/prospectus.
Sadly, I have seen this level of utterly stupidly ingornant fucktardedness before from fundies. They think that characters from the Old Testament, who lived hundreds of years before Jesus, are Christian.
Religion and history fail. You are sentenced to go back to preschool and start over, from the beginning. And yes, a public school, where the teach science.
prosperousinduvuduals's brain apears to have been raptured before him.
As a Jew, I'm offended. If the old testement is Christian, what is Judaism?
the name CHRISTian didn't wasnt even a term untill after CHRIST,and moses was, well, to put it as simply as possible,
WAY FUCKIN BEFORE CHRIST!!!!
at least according to YOUR bible
The Amazing Liarbird
And according to the bible, Moses spoke english.
Not in my bible; he spoke swedish of course!
raindrops Said:
Brain, you have one. Use it.
I have to add, for the love of your imaginary god, please use your brain, I hurt from laughing too much.
It turns out that Internet Pastors premise (that the heroes of the OT were in fact good Christians) is expounded on in the Epistle of Barnabus. The essence of the book is that the patriarchs and the prophets (including Moses) knew what the covenant was really all about (i.e. praising Christ), but that the rest of the Jews had, in fact, misunderstood the covenant and had never held god's favor. It was a very popular book in the early days of the church because it supported what the early Christians wanted to believe.
The Epistle of Barnabus was, however, not included in the canon. It's teachings were rejected as false. So, Internet Preacher, how does it feel to know that you are promoting heresy?
Of course, it all makes SENSE now! Moses was a Time Lord, and he used his Tardis to become a member of a religion that wouldn't exist for generations, then worshipped by being an extremely devout JEW! Brilliant!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh god make it stop, please ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...........
I also believe in a person that doesn't, and will not, exist until hundreds of years after I die.
I like to call them Jorje Fre'kian.
Moses is a myth for idiots. And since the myth predates the other myth, jeeeebus, Moses couldn't have been a xtian anyway, moron.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
> Um, no. Moses was a Christian. Sorry.
So was Cain, and look what he did.
Here you go Zues Almighty... just for you. *winks* LMFAOROFL XD
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what is this i don't even
Seriously, I grew up in a fundamentalist church but they never ever EVER even approached this level of stupid.
""The Hebrews crossed the 'sea of reeds'. Most Jews agree on this. After all, the first 5 books are theirs.""
Why the hell should it matter if it's "their books"?
(Ian C.)
"Jesus and Moses were Jews. Please have your heart attack now."
In the immortal words of Eddie Valiant, "You need a heart before you can have an attack."
WARNING: SOMETHING STUPID THIS WAY COMES...
RUNNING SCAN FOR VERIFICATION...
*scanning*
................
................
SEVERE RETARDATION AND IGNORANCE OF HISTORY DETECTED. INDIVIDUAL SUFFERED A TRANS-ORBITAL LOBOTOMY.
RECOMMENDATION: AGREE WITH EVERYTHING HE SAYS, HE CLEARLY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE IS SAYING...
I guess this is proof that most, if not all, fundamentalist Christians haven't even read their own holy book.
Also, laughing. Very hard.
The Weirdo Sez: "The first five books are theirs? Um, no. Moses was a Christian. Sorry."
"...The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Japan...Cows are fish...Dinosaurs invented "Liquid Paper"..."Salo" was a wholesome G-rated family comedy...Barglenawdlezouss is a real word...and I'm a normal human being with a brain."
Yup, I'd say "preposterousindividual" is delusional...and likely an (Un)Christian Idenity dingleberry.
LMFAO! I cannot believe somebody is this ignorant. I almost spewed ginger ale on the screen and keyboard but it went up my nose as I was choking and laughing.
I have a cousin that is a priest and teaches at the 2nd oldest college in the USA. I am going to e-mail this to him. I can hear that deep laugh now.
So, if Moses was born over 1,000 years before Christ, how could he worship someone who wasn't born yet?
Oh, right, that was right after the pigs flew out of Nebuchadnezzar's butt and freed the Oompa-Loompas.
Moses is a myth that predates the Jesus, also a myth.
prosperousindividual is an idiot, sorry
Lol "Sorry". Believe me...I'm much more sorry that you call yourself a Christian without even knowing Moses was like the super-Jew, writing the whole Torah, saving the Israelites, parting entire seas. If you haven't even read Exodus...just diaf please. (full disclosure: atheist who thinks people should try to study the Bible, just so they're more well equipped about Christianity than the person who claims to believe in it)
By your action, the gods smite thee, and you are permanently deducted -2 charisma, -2 wisdom, and -2 intelligence. Lose 100xp and 5 hp.
All in all, no change.
...what?
Seriously, WHAT?!
Contradictions, Contradictions,
Spewing out ASAP!
Will you ever, be a bit clever,
and laugh at God here with me?
:D
adam, nuh, ibraheem, musa, eisa and all thw othr prophetes were muslims.!?,..
Right, 'cause he led the Christians out of Egypt, right?
I'm calling Time Warp for Jesus on this one.
<Head desk>
How can he be Christian if Christ hadn't even been born yet?
Incidentally, I was told in Sunday School that because Moses never had the chance to accept Christ as his savior, he went to Hell after he died. Isn't that a lovely thing to tell a kid?
I don't really see the issue here. Obviously it doesn't make sense to us if we view this through an atheistic lens, but theologically speaking it seems the idea is that Moses, etc. were basically on God's right track (so to speak) whereas Judaism (as an entity separate from Christianity and this track) developed more as an aberration due to the denial of Jesus as Christ. Thus the good guys continued on recognizing that Christ is the savior whereas the Jews were stubborn and refused, progressing from that point on into a faith the prophets, had they still lived, would have opposed as God would presumably have instructed them to do since the same God that was said to inform them was the same God who gave the world baby Jesus.
Of course this can also produce anti-semitic undertones.
It's worth noting that according to Islam every single Prophet (including Adam, considered the first) were Muslims. They use a similar line of reasoning as this Christian guy apparently does.
I mean I could be wrong and maybe this guy actually does think that Moses was around in Jesus' time or came after or something, but I'm pretty sure he adheres to what I just said.
@ Ismail
In the early days of Christianity, there was a text called the Epistle of Barnabas. The main thrust of this text was trying to prove that the major figures of the Old Testament were Christians, and that the rank and file folks who called themselves "Jews" were heretics who failed to understand the Christian message. The logic used to make this argument was laughably strained, which probably explains why the Epistle of Barnabas was excluded form the Christian canon.
Apparently though, the ludicrous notion that here was Christianity before the sacrifice of Christ is alive and well among particularly ignorant Christian fundamentlaists.
you're religious. i am an atheist, but i know the bible very well.
and LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF THE BOOK WAS THAT JESUS WASNT AROUND TILL THE SECOND HALF
MOSES DIED BEFORE JESUS WAS EVEN PRESENT
HOW THE HELL COULD HE BE A CHRISTIAN??? WAS JESUS A TIME TRAVELER OR SOMETHING????? </sarcasm>
When Moses was around, Christ didn't exist yet, you boob.
Did you even READ your precious Bible?
Moses led the Jews out of Egypt ~3000 years before Jesus was born out of divine wedlock and founded Christianity.
In other words: Um, no. Moses was a Jew. Sorry.
Besides, Jews and Christians share the first five, anyways.
And an exceedingly pious Christian indeed. His devotion to God apparently transcends temporal boundaries; enabling him to worship The Lord via a religion that predates his own life-span by many centuries. Of course, Moses would probably view Christianity as a blasphemous heresy and suppress it through capital punishment to keep the people under YHWH's theocratic authority if it was contemporaneous with him. Maybe that's why a certain someone got crucified... Hmm.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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