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Quote# 63261

[If the Rapture happens today...]

Now as for what I would miss. Due to the financial issues I had to forgo a trip to Nashville for the country music Fan Fair, which I attend every year. I am devastated. We have a plan to save up for next year, if it works out. If the Rapture happens then I will not get to go. However, I am confident that there will be country music in Heaven and that annual Fan Fairs will continue into eternity.

My favorite current TV show is iCarly. The show is currently at its peak and it has an upcoming episode that promises to be its best episode ever. If the Rapture happens first, I am sure there will be TV sets to watch it on, as they are already filmed.



rjmamula, RR 111 Comments [6/15/2009 8:39:46 PM]
Fundie Index: 52
Submitted By: Grigori Yefimovich
WTF?! || meh
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Freethink

"If the rapture happens,... I am confident that there will be country music in heaven."? And TV too? head desk, head desk, head desk. *facepalm*

Are these people or cartoons? Unbe-friggin'-lievable!!!

6/16/2009 1:11:12 AM



If the Rapture happens first, I am sure there will be TV sets to watch it on, as they are already filmed.

LOL. Oh why not-- it makes you feel better, which is the entire point of your paranoid delusional Rapture conspiracy theories in the first place.

6/16/2009 1:12:32 AM

Freethink

"If the rapture happens,... I am confident that there will be country music in heaven."? And TV too? head desk, head desk, head desk. *facepalm*

Are these people or cartoons? Unbe-friggin'-lievable!!!

6/16/2009 1:13:07 AM

Freethink

Double post somehow. Sorry...

6/16/2009 1:16:25 AM

rubber chicken

That's it ? The best way of spending eternity that you can think of of sitting in a gold mansion wearing a crown, watching TV and listening to country music. You have the imagination of a housebrick. Your life is vapid and shallow, while this may explain your heartfelt desire for the fulfilment of your 'rapture' faptasies it does not excuse them.
You are wasting your life and then telling people on the internet just how badly you are wasting it.
We are wasting little bits of ours by laughing at you.

6/16/2009 1:49:50 AM

Deep Search

BRB loling 4ever

6/16/2009 2:05:15 AM

Mr Blur

Country music in heaven? That figures. Just as well I won't be going.

6/16/2009 3:14:20 AM

EvoPagan

Yes and I'm sure that Jesus will let me watch season two of True Blood whilst sitting on his lap. Can't fucking wait.

6/16/2009 3:17:02 AM

Gawd

So, the people who died in, say, 1740 and went to Heaven; were they suddenly "rewarded" with country music and the Disney Channel? That must have been quite a shock.


6/16/2009 3:25:12 AM

Atheismo

I have a confession to make...

I like country music.

There! I said it! Man, that's a load off my mind. I've been carryin' that around forever.

6/16/2009 3:34:18 AM

Kristy

Can hardly type. Laughing too much. Tears running down cheeks. WTF??????

6/16/2009 3:49:14 AM

LDM

If all you would miss is some redneck gathering and a mediocre kid's show, no wonder you're desperately hoping your sky daddy will take you away soon.

6/16/2009 4:09:06 AM

Pule Thamex

Yes, it's easy. All you got to do is talk silly and act dumb and you're a permanent fixture on Rapture Ready.

The Rapture Ready Song

Happily gabbling away
Nonsensical every day
Talking a load of shit
Getting high on it
We're like little children here
And none of us are queer
We believe what we are told
About the gibberish we've been sold

So it's up, up and away
We're flying today
Flying to our Lord
Let's all get aboard

So it's up, up and away
We're definitely not gay
Flying to our Lord
Let's all get on board

We're ignorant and dull
All of us a dumb numskull
You can tell by our twee emoticon
That we are way, way too far gone
Reality's a land we'll never know
The truth is our main foe
Halo Guy comes charging on a steed
Only then will we be freed

So it's up, up and away
We're flying today
Flying to our Lord
Let's all get aboard

So it's up, up and away
We're definitely not gay
Flying to our Lord
Let's all get on board

Always lying and putting people off
We reside in a dismal trough
A pit of deception and despair
But we won't need any airfare
'Cause we'll be flying for free
Arms outstretched with glee
A we clasp our Saviour's loins
There's a stirring in our groins
I wonder what it can be?
It's a portent of heaven
A portent of heaven
A portent of heaven
Yeah

We're simple, gullible and thick
When it's time we won't be airsick
Jesus is gonna come soon
It'll be just like in a cartoon
Our persecution knows no end
Our paranoia'll never mend
We're right-wing until we die
We'll disparage the other guy

So it's up, up and away
We're flying today
Flying to our Lord
Let's all get aboard

So it's up, up and away
We're definitely not gay
Flying to our Lord
Let's all get on board

So it's up, up and away
We're flying today ... etc, etc

(Continued indefinitely)

6/16/2009 4:34:09 AM

Mudak

I'm not sure why, but I'm getting giggle fits picturing people trying to play "If My Nose Was Full of Nickels I'd Blow It All On You" on a harp.

6/16/2009 4:39:19 AM

David B.

This is why I find the whole concept of a heaven absurd; "rimjamama" is confident that heaven includes country and western music, while I can't imagine one that doesn't include some sort of interactive perpetual torment for Garth Brooks.

6/16/2009 4:46:18 AM

The Jamo

So what you're saying is that if you're in heaven, you'll be listening to country music and watching TV. How is that any different to what you're doing now? Essentially, heaven will be the same thing as Earth for you, and yet you get so freakin' excited.

6/16/2009 5:10:19 AM

Porky Pine

Why does it not surprise me that you are a country music fan?

6/16/2009 5:11:05 AM

Xotan

Sorry. If you get whooshed there will be in heaven

No Nashville

No country music - only hymns, forever!

No Fan Fairs (what are these???)

No films/TV, only Jesus and God to worship endlessly - It'll be like being in church all the time.

There will be lots of Angel feathers to dust and hoover all the time, though.

6/16/2009 5:13:22 AM

David B.

@Xotan: "There will be lots of Angel feathers to dust and hoover all the time, though."

They have "angel dust" in heaven? Well, I guess it would explain God's mood swings!

6/16/2009 5:32:15 AM

Eden

You won´t have any time for country music or TV after rapture.
God wants you to praise him every minute of his time and to be always ready to fulfill any wishes he has
;)

6/16/2009 5:32:27 AM

Tindalos

Well, I happen to like C&W music - not all of us are Raptards.

@SwedishPagan:
No friends or family she'll miss? Birdsong? The wind in the willows? Children's laughter? Her work helping the poor, easing the life of those less fortunate?

No, she'll miss a music festival and a TV show. Could you be more shallow?


I was wondering the same damn thing

6/16/2009 5:47:11 AM

Mister Spak

Does heaven have cable or satellite?

6/16/2009 5:49:12 AM

MDB

I'll grant that this beats the fundie near-orgasmic idea that "I'm gonna be married to Jesus!" stuff you see occasionally on RR.

This guy just has a rather juvenile idea of paradise. The marriage stuff is... disturbing.

6/16/2009 5:50:20 AM

Shann


6/16/2009 6:25:36 AM



"Due to the financial issues I had to forgo a trip to Nashville for the country music Fan Fair, which I attend every year. I am devastated."

As far as I'm concerned, country music starts & finishes with Johnny Cash. Everything else is crap. Which reminds me of that 'challenge' in that edition of BBC's "Top Gear" (the Florida-Louisiana road trip), and messrs Clarkson, May & Hammond daub each other's vehicles with... 'inappropriate' slogans: 'Man-Love Rules OK', a 'Y' at the end of 'Dodge', 'I'm Bi', 'Hillary for President', 'NASCAR Sucks' - and above all, 'Country Music is Rubbish'. The inbred rednecks they encountered & their reactions to such certainly proved the stereotype that most Americans have no concept of irony. That devastates me.

http://www.autoblog.com/2007/02/12/top-gear-crew-visits-u-s-a-will-never-return-again/


"We have a plan to save up for next year, if it works out. If the Rapture happens then I will not get to go."

I think the slogan on the side of this vehicle is very appropriate to you, rjmamula:


6/16/2009 6:48:20 AM
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