Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 7955

Remember how Adam was lonely and wanted a mate? So God marched all the animals in front of Adam for him to name them and choose one. But none satisfied him so God made him Eve.

Now Soloman said in the book of Ecclesiates that nothing is new under the sun. Therefore Adam's lonileness was NOT new and was a reflection of what God felt. God was alone and needed fellowship. He made angels, but they probably dont have souls and do not love, therefore He made man to have free choice and love Him. Is not the church Christ's bride? Is a wife a pee-on? Maybe to some men, but that is not the proper response.

Doma, Bibleforums.org 22 Comments [9/23/2005 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 6
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1
ooh_child

Reading the first paragraph, did anyone else get a funny mental picture of Adam determining if the animals \"satisfied\" him?

Yeah, I know, I'm twisted.

9/23/2005 10:33:07 PM

Darth Wang

Actually, I thought that too.

9/23/2005 11:14:29 PM

QED

\"Is a wife a pee-on? Maybe to some men\" Wow, someone's into some kinky shit.

9/23/2005 11:41:56 PM

xMinionX

So the moral of the story is: Biblical animals suck bad in the sack.

Good to know.

And what the hell is a pee-on? Damn, the bible is gross...

9/23/2005 11:47:42 PM

Jesse Custer

I peed on a girl once. She liked it.

9/24/2005 2:53:56 AM

a non-e mouse.

So to sum up: Adam was pleasured sexually by the animals of Eden and then urinated all over Eve.

9/24/2005 5:24:45 AM

NonHomogenized

Hmm. If Angels don't have souls, does that mean they're just corporeal beings? So, why don't we see them?
While we're at it, if Adam's loneliness was a reflection of god's desire for \"fellowship\", does that mean god just wants to fuck us?

10/8/2005 9:42:29 AM

Napoleon the Clown

The word you're looking for is \"peon,\" not \"pee-on.\"

7/12/2006 4:20:27 AM

Mondriani

Golden showers: not for everybody

6/8/2008 11:30:16 PM

Zankou

Reading the first paragraph, did anyone else get a funny mental picture of Adam determining if the animals \"satisfied\" him?

Yeah, I know, I'm twisted


I did, too.

6/9/2008 1:57:10 AM

Anon

Wait, did he just say that eve came into being because Jenny the horse was a bad screw?!

2/4/2011 1:56:28 PM

Dr. Shrinker

How does an omnipotent and omniscient being feel loneliness? Loneliness is characterized by the feeling of something missing. God, by definition, cannot be missing anything.

2/4/2011 3:02:54 PM

Philbert McAdamia

I know some fellas who grew up on farms in Idaho, and I mean waaaay outside of town. March some animals past them on a Saturday afternoon and there'd be no problem pickin' out a few for the dance.


And the hayride after.


If ya know what I mean.

2/4/2011 6:05:33 PM

Justanotheratheist

Adam wasn't satisfied with the animals because none of them knew how to make apple pie.

2/5/2011 12:52:24 AM



So Adam had sex with all the animals of the Garden of Eden and gave Eve a golden shower then? Never saw that in my children's Bible.

10/31/2012 9:55:14 AM

Anon-e-moose

"Soloman said in the book of Ecclesiates that nothing is new under the sun. Therefore Adam's lonileness was NOT new"

Oh look:



That's new. Nope. Not seeing anywhere in the Bible about the invention of the internet, WWW & browsers, image macro generating sites, image hosting sites, & boards ripping the piss out of fundie bullshitters, so therefore there ARE some things that are new under the Sun.

[/hyper-smartarse] X3

Oh, and in Soviet Russia...:



('Say what you see!' [/Roy Walker])

That's new II.

[/hyper-smartarse II] >:D

"God was alone and needed fellowship. He made angels, but they probably dont have souls and do not love, therefore He made man to have free choice and love Him. Is not the church Christ's bride? [...] Maybe to some men, but that is not the proper response."

So that's your response, Dumbass? 'It's good, but it's not right!' [hyper-patronising] X3

10/31/2012 11:28:35 AM

Moondog

Bestiality is in the Bible!

10/31/2012 1:33:38 PM

Dr.Shrinker

I see what you're getting at Doma. Frankly, it doesn't make your god any less monstrous for sending all those who question it to eternal damnation. Dress it up any way you want, use whatever verbal and rhetorical gymnastics you can muster up, but it doesn't change the fact that god, as preached by the vast majority of Christian churches, is a monster.

Perhaps that is why Christian fanatics act so monstrously themselves.

10/31/2012 1:44:41 PM

anti-nonsense

Only if you like watersports.

11/21/2012 10:50:48 PM

shykid

"Is a wife a pee-on?"

I guess, if you're both into that kinda thing...

2/6/2013 9:52:58 PM

The Impostor

"Is a wife a pee-on?" Only if your name is R. Kelly

4/12/2013 4:25:34 PM



So there is really nothing new?

Not even the earth he made five or so days before?

4/12/2013 4:48:29 PM
1