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Quote# 91409

TIME TRAVELERS OF THE BIBLE: HOW HEBREW PROPHETS SHATTERED THE BARRIERS OF TIME-SPACE
Gary Stearman | Defender, 2011

In the late 1960s, while piloting a routine flight from Dallas to Lubbock, Texas, Gary Stearman encountered a UFO, which “probed” him with “waves of energy” and “opened [his] mind to the absolute reality of beings who have what appears to be a technology that’s eons ahead of ours.”

In Time Travelers of the Bible, Stearman reveals that the beings he mistook for aliens were, in fact, divine in origin – angels or demons (he’s not sure which) who became momentarily visible through a transdimensional portal that must have opened just as he was flying by.

Such entities have traveled between dimensions for millennia, Stearman says. Intent on destroying God’s plan, demonic “Sons of God” have for millennia attempted to “tilt the minds of human leaders toward the cause of Satan,” at times even taking human brides to produce half-demonic offspring, including the Greek gods Zeus and Apollo. The Flood wiped out the first generation of their spawn, Stearman says, but now — as prophesied by time travelers like Adam, Moses, Jesus and John — they’re back and gaining strength.

When the Tribulation comes, God’s chosen will be taken to Heaven (which is actually a cube-shaped “mobile city” from a parallel universe, “capable of navigating time-space in the dimensions between heaven and earth”). Those who remain will be ruled by Satan and his minions, who even now wait in Hades, a cavernous realm beneath the earth’s surface which is accessible only to shamans and occultists capable of “popping through” the “dimensional door in time-space” that protects coal miners and others whose work takes them beneath the earth’s surface from accidental encounters with the underworld.

Confused? You won’t be after reading Stearman’s book, which, according to prophecy expert Thomas Horn, “is not just a key, but the key to understanding the elusive scientific and supernatural wisdom surrounding a Grand Universal Theory of Everything that just happens to be located at a pivotal ‘center of the symmetry of time’ at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.”

Gary Stearman, SPLCenter 70 Comments [12/15/2012 5:39:12 AM]
Fundie Index: 96
WTF?! || meh
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KittyKaboom

That is some weapons-grade crazy right there.

12/15/2012 5:42:40 AM

cdcdrr

Hear that? Joshua of Nazareth is the seventh doctor.

12/15/2012 5:44:05 AM

Meishayuri

Rael already came up with this stuff. I wonder if there will be a copyright war...

12/15/2012 5:44:44 AM

Bine

Heaven is cube shaped mobile city? Are there flying cars like in the sf-movies? Also, way to go to mix Satan with Hades. The old Greeks didn't even believe in a hell. (Or in a heaven for that matter.)

Even if I did read the book (which I will not), I have a feeling that I'd still be quite confused about the stupidity in there.

12/15/2012 5:53:37 AM

dpareja



12/15/2012 5:57:51 AM

Clare


[a cube-shaped “mobile city”]

We are the Borg.

12/15/2012 6:09:40 AM

Violet Beauregarde

Even if it WERE true...why is someone evil just because of who their dad is?! Even if someone's father was Hitler, Mao, Stalin, Nero or even Satan himself, it doesn't make him/her automatically evil...what s/he does makes him/her evil or good.

12/15/2012 6:11:25 AM

Tearlich

Damn!!! Where can I get some of the schrooms you have!!!

12/15/2012 6:50:29 AM

D Laurier

Thats some good acid you took Gary.

12/15/2012 6:50:41 AM

Kisare

Sounds like an awesome book plot! I'd read that!

Wait....this guy thinks it actually happened..? ....damn. I actually wanted to buy that for a minute there.

12/15/2012 7:13:57 AM

Power Skunk

They had me at the first line. Good lord, I love a train wreck. *reads* Man, that had a little bit of everything. Aliens, demons, angels, time travel, armageddon prophecies, ancient conspiracies. When's the movie coming out, dammit!

12/15/2012 7:39:16 AM

Firthy2002

Sounds like a bad acid trip that hasn't ended!

12/15/2012 7:49:50 AM

Doubting Thomas

Confused? You won’t be after reading Stearman’s book

Somehow I doubt that.

12/15/2012 7:52:18 AM

Horsefeathers

"When the Tribulation comes, God’s chosen will be taken to Heaven (which is actually a cube-shaped 'mobile city' from a parallel universe, 'capable of navigating time-space in the dimensions between heaven and earth')."

Like this?



So, would that make Patrick Stewart God?


12/15/2012 7:56:25 AM

Jeff Weskamp

Someone needs to list this book on TV Trope's Fantasy Kitchen Sink page.

12/15/2012 8:01:49 AM

Tiny Jeebus

I'm trying really hard to laugh, but this just sounds so fucking AWESOME.

12/15/2012 8:32:20 AM

Joker

You know what...I might actually read some of this stuff just because it sounds so bizarre it might be entertaining.

12/15/2012 8:34:11 AM

Frostythesnowman

I'm fascinated that coal miners are at risk from accidental encounters with the uderworld. Given that Margaret Thatcher prompted the destruction of the UK coal mining industry in the 1980s, in effect she was just making sure that she could get home safely at night without anyone spotting her. So she WAS the antichrist. I knew it!

12/15/2012 8:48:58 AM

Alencon

Can we please lock this guy up for his own good?

Talk about bat-shit crazy.

12/15/2012 8:51:16 AM

Raised by Horses

Too crazy for Conservapedia.

Hell, this might be too crazy for Time Cube.

12/15/2012 8:55:26 AM

Sheridan

This is what happens when you mix DMT, the book of Revelation, and Star Trek.

Not a good mix.



12/15/2012 9:10:15 AM

xyz

What were you smoking and where can I get some?

12/15/2012 9:18:44 AM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

Cool story, Bro.

12/15/2012 9:20:23 AM

OhJohnNo

@Raised by Horses: Don't be silly. NOTHING is crazier than Timecube. Hell, nothing else is even on the same league.

12/15/2012 10:31:16 AM

UHM

*allready writes the screenplay for this*

Mother of Christ if he didn't think this was true he could made a fucking awesome franchise!

12/15/2012 10:41:02 AM
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