[Wyatt Junker explains evolution.]

The theory of Dumb Design is based on years of retards humping retards and them forming newer retards with cooler retard shit add-ons. And these retards decide 'Hey, I like that last retard's weird extra finger. I'm gonna F me that retard so my kids can have an extra finger to help pop off Lucky Lager bottlecaps with.' Makes sense. Who wouldn't want an easier way to get at beer faster? You see, these retards are smart. The ones with fewer fingers also die off faster because they have less speedy access to more beer. So there's less in the gene pool to go around on that front too, since beer is power, its also prestige.

But what about all the retards who don't like beer? What about the ones who like wine coolers? They have screw offs. No church key required. They can also bogart box wine too, cause they're retards, they can actually just ram a fishing knife into the side of the box and then fall onto their knees and let the nectar just fall right into their open mouths for quick release. No new finger required. So those retards won't need to F the new freak on the block.

So it really just comes down to a war between beer and wine in the end. And who Fs who the fastest wins to create the bigger, meaner faster tard drinking alcoholic.