Quote# 94522

[Doug TenNapel (yes, the creator of Earthworm Jim) gives his thoughts on why republicans are more likely to be marries than Democrats]

A new Gallup poll shows that married people are more likely to be Republicans than Democrats. The propensity for marriage among Republicans was the same regardless of race or age groups. So this is my formal call to all single Democrats who want to get married; it's time to change your party affiliation or you'll go through life alone, or worse, with some flaky narcissist with commitment issues.

We all pretty much know that most Democrats can't be trusted and that's reflected in this marriage poll. It's not that Democrat women are ugly, because we've seen too many cute ones out there. The men aren't hideous either, unless you think a soft, effeminate man hen-pecked his whole life by his domineering mother is hideous. The main reason people don't get married is out of a fear of divorce-- a fear of a breaking of vows. And Democrats talk with their feet when it comes to making commitments with those who philosophically have no grounding to keep any commitment. Did Obama shut down Gitmo? Will he get health reform finished before August recess? Is he going to cut taxes for most Americans?

I go to dinner with a bunch of Hollywood Republicans every month or so and I'll tell you one thing, the women are easy on the eyes, none more conservative or good looking than my Beloved. Republican women are happy, they don't mope around like victims or screech about how terrible men are for being men. The men at these get-togethers are happier and generally sport less hair product. Married men are polled to have more sex and more satisfying sex than singles so Republican men have another great quality over their unmarried Democrat counterparts.

Marriage works better for Republicans because how long can a relationship last when victimhood and class struggle are the stock and trade of the household? Every married couple will champion the virtues of personal responsibility which is alien to the donkey platform.

Finally, what Democrat needs a spouse when the government is the head of the house? The federal open wallet makes for a provider of food, housing, education and PBS without all that pesky back hair.

Doug TenNapel, Breitbart.com 66 Comments [5/27/2013 6:01:46 AM]
Fundie Index: 42
Submitted By: afs189

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Filin De Blanc

"Did Obama shut down Gitmo?"

Um, every time he mentions doing that Republicans keep insisting that he can't because then all the terrorists would escape or some such nonsense.

5/27/2013 6:05:44 AM

Dr. Shrinker

"...some flaky narcissist with commitment issues."

- Newt Gingrich is one of yours Doug

5/27/2013 6:17:47 AM


what a dick.

5/27/2013 6:18:16 AM


I know I'm persuaded. Back hair, eww!

5/27/2013 6:21:40 AM


I feel violated so much right now because of this quote.

5/27/2013 6:36:13 AM


Maybe if Republicans would just let gay people get married there wouldn't be such a disparity...

5/27/2013 6:41:20 AM


And - like the GOP - Douggie here demonstrates one of the Repubicans' finer virtues: How to Lose friends and Alienate people.

He's a kind of anti-Dale Carnegie. Doug, I dunno if he'd read it during his time in prison, but I wouldn't be surprised if Nelson Mandela had read the latter book by Carnegie. I mean, look at him, post-prison release: universally loved, and considered the 'Ambassador of the World'.

There's a lot of gamers going to be disposing of a certain game they once bought, Douggie. Kiss any future sales goodbye.

5/27/2013 6:43:42 AM

Arctic Knight

Rush Limbaugh: three divorces, four marriages
Newt Gingrich: two divorces, three marriages

Barack Obama: zero divorces, one marriage
Me: zero divorces, one marriage for 25 years (so far)

I'll stick with being a happy husband with a happy wife rather than living in marriages that don't work.

5/27/2013 6:47:02 AM

The Crimson Ghost

We all pretty much know that you're full of shit Doug, about everything you just stated. Democrat women don't screech about how horrible men are for being men-we screech about how horrible republican men are-for attempting to hold us back & make themselves rich in the process, & dragging down the rest of the country with them.

You can kiss my democratic ass.

I never liked Earthworm Jim.

5/27/2013 6:56:07 AM

Don't make promises you can't keep

So you guys know for sure nobody does that, huh? I think I've heard something like that before, when you said nobody wants polygamy and incest to be legal.

5/27/2013 6:59:06 AM


43 years this past April and still no signs of turning into a retard Republican

5/27/2013 7:01:07 AM

Some decades down the lines, communications experts will talk about how the GOP managed to create an entirely self-contained reality within reality.

5/27/2013 7:26:14 AM


LOL! Interesting analysis. However I suspect the answer is closer to Republicans care more about "tradition" than Democrats do.

Besides, I wouldn't do Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin even with someone else's dick.

Oh yeah, one marriage 41 years this May.

5/27/2013 7:31:25 AM


I'd rather be alone than evil, so I think I'll stay a Democrat.

I kinda wish I could sell my Earthworm Jim games now, but they're digital copies.

5/27/2013 7:35:15 AM


Hollywood Republicans? Oh, yeah, typical hard-working ordinary Americans, I'm sure.

5/27/2013 7:49:13 AM

Thinking Allowed

Republicans tend to like divorce too for some reason.

5/27/2013 7:53:44 AM


Now I don't know much about Republicans, being a Canuck and all, but it seems to me that if there's a significantly higher ratio of married couples among them, it's -PROBABLY- because (from my observation) repubs are typically conservative and religious and they pressure/force their kids to marry early and stay married even if they're unhappy in the relationship. That's freedom, folks!

5/27/2013 8:08:47 AM


Unmarried does not mean there is no long term commitment, you dickwad.

"Republican women are happy"
There's that old saying "ignorance is bliss".

5/27/2013 8:33:19 AM

Not very guh-roovy, Doug. Go back to New Junk City.

5/27/2013 8:44:22 AM


But my studies show Republicans are more likely to be greedy, deaf to the environment, rights-violating a$$holes.

5/27/2013 8:58:06 AM


Utter nonsense.

5/27/2013 9:05:01 AM

So what he's saying is that republican marriages only work because conservative women have been taught to shut up about their oppression?

5/27/2013 9:22:17 AM

ahad ha-am

Unfortunately for your argument, political values do not equal someone's entire life.

Also, citation defintely needed here.

5/27/2013 10:03:30 AM


I can definitely say that the reason I'm not married is because I'm picky. If I decide to get married to somebody one day, it will be because she's a person who I enjoy spending time with. Fortunately, I don't have to be in a hurry because I don't have any qualms about having sex, unlike those walking hormones who will marry the first person to come along so that they can "legally" have sex. Why would I want to become a Republican so that I can marry a person who, essentially, disagrees with everything that I feel strongly about? If that's marital bliss, I'll stick with being single.

5/27/2013 10:28:18 AM

Really silly stereotypes.
"The main reason people don't get married is out of a fear of divorce". I don't think that is the main reason. The main reason is just that there's no reason to.
"Republican women are happy". Stupid people are sometimes happier.
"How long can a relationship last when... class struggle (is) the stock and trade of the household?" Karl Marx was married for about 40 years, till his wife died.
"Every married couple will champion the virtues of personal responsibility" Why does that follow? Surely they'll be more likely to arrange things as a couple, have joint bank accounts, provide for children, etc?
Last sentence presupposes that "food, housing, and education" can only come from one's spouse, ie, a man. People are capable of providing these things for themselves. Education provided by the state, while not ideal, is superior to education provided by a Republican-voting dad, especially if he reasons like this.
nb, I had a problem with Earthworm Jim too. It was too hard. There was one level I could never get past.

5/27/2013 10:32:39 AM

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