You have to be an initiated witch to receive a recording contract with the music industry. Every band is initiated into a ceremony. Every major music company has a temple room, where copies are made. 13 witches enter the temple totally naked and conjure a spell to assign a demon to every recording. Albums bring demonic entities into your home if you voluntarily bring them in.
95 comments
Nah, those 13 naked women weren't witches, Dave, even if they DID knock you back.
This is batshit even for David.
Either he's gone totally off his meds, or he's cynically trying to manipulate on a whole other level.
This is a wonderful quote.
It looks like David here is trying to out crazy Jack Chick.
....
13 witches enter the temple totally naked
Please send more information.
So how does this work with copies of digital media ? Does the demon get cloned or split into little tiny bits ?
What happens to the demonic entities if the album is brought in involuntarily or voluntarily by someone without permission to do so (like a guest) ? Depending on the answers there could be valuable weaponizable potential here.
Clearly more research is needed.
(Or you're out of your mind.)
(Head. Hit. KEYBOARD)
1. No, that is a studio.
2. No, those are called groupies.
3. No. But if that's the case, what if it's a recording of you talking?
And country music has hidden evil messages too. Play it backwards, you get "Got back my wife, got back my dog, got back my pick-up truck".
What about those who have created a fanbase via YouTube and/or Twitter, and sell their product via their own websites, bypassing not only the major record labels, but even iTunes?
...or just jealous that nobody's interested in your irrelevant music - via steel guitar - and not just because it's [i]crap[/i], neither ; can you say 'Gary Glitter ', o Davey-boy?
I know you can.
...and in the case of K-Pop phenomenon PSY, with his viral mega-hit "Gangnam Style", he virtually had his pick of the US record labels; finding the best deal - like the canny businessman he is - and ultimately selecting Universal Republic.
In Soviet South Korea, recording artist initiates you .
Funny, David's fans usually post by now to tell us that he is "a true prophet of gawd" and "you need to hear the truth he brings you."
Can't understand why they aren't rushing to tell us how divinely inspired he is in this case.
Forget Christian rock. David is telling us that every big gospel choir, every major living composer of hymns and choruses, every cathedral choir and organist, every soloist singing in oratorios and other sacred music is an initiate of Satan. Heck, most evangelists have produced records at one time or another.
And it isn't 1895 any more. Most music companies own or contract out work to things called "factories" which actually make the copies. Most countries in the West have had them for about a hundred years or so. It amazes me that these people aren't still scared that they will lose their soul if someone takes their photograph.
As loony as this is it's just one small step beyond your average sermon. It's satirical, but accidentally so, which makes it all the more sweet. Intellectually honest people who live their whole lives believing in various gods and devils read garbage like this and are forced to ask themselves whether they really should believe in any of the nonsense.
So the indie labels, you know, the ones that actually sign bands who would write lyrics praising Satan, don't have to go through this?
Awesome.
I think that Dave seems to have forgotten that Christian music also exists. Or does he believe that they also have to go through the demon recording ritual?
Man, I know that the world of entertainment is crazy, but I think that this might be pushing it just a tad.
I'm a signed recording artist. No, this is not what happens.
On the other hand, if it did I would probably not be allowed to talk about it.
Apparently, now it's not only rock'n'roll that's the devil's music, all records are of TEH DEBBIL... but than it's DJS, what do you expect.
@brownbeard
Oh yes. We get quotes from this guy all the time. In the one before this, he claimed that Justin Bieber was gay because he looks effeminate, due to (if I recall rightly) the Bible claiming sexual orientation to be directly correlated with appearance.
Proof positive of mental instability this time. Does mental illness help cause child molestation? Is he trying to plant the suggestion that insanity drove him to it?
Is he using biblical ideas and, perhaps, other superstitions to justify his vileness? Of course, the inventions and the lies are common to ostensibly sane Christians too. But it does make you wonder.
And in this next blooper reel, we see DJS scale Mount Crazy, perform a small excerpt from 'Swan Lake', blow the audience a few kisses, and then pirouette right off the fucking precipice. Look at him go.
@SpukiKitty
(*sings *):
'You think your Commodore 64 is really neatoA Dorito?! '
-Weird Al Yankovic, "It's All About The Pentiums"
I couldn't help but be reminded of that particular tune. Nice one! b^_^d
And in Davey-boy's case, I'm reminded of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yEwF9v_hL8
'Human. Not Human.
REVOLUTION! '
(And how - as per Japan, with it's own fusion of ancient & hyper-modern - His Moogness brings together a traditional Turkish string orchestra & singer, with his own brand of synthesiser music)
-Jean-Michel Jarre, "Revolution"
(You can catch the full 1990 Bastille Day 'La Defense' Paris gig here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqwc43x02Mc )
OK I have worked in the recording industry, and I can tell you that this is pure drivel.
We haven't forced the witches to be naked ever since the hippies over at UCLA told us that we were "violating the spirit of the law" by doing so, and were "risking a massive lawsuit" And due to recent hiring freezes we can only assign demons to every 12th recording.
Where does he get this garbage?
"13 witches enter the temple totally naked"
Those are called groupies. Also, I'm pretty sure the thirteen naked women while publishing hasn't been a requirement for at least thirty-five years.
Citation needed.
Only women get recording contracts?
We have about a thousand albums, I'd guess, at least several hundreds. Our demonic entities must be sleeping, or something, for 100 years like Sleeping Beauty.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
