If we are here by the end of the year, I will indeed be very surprised! We are that close! The signs for the start of the Tribulation are screaming at us!
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Well you are in for one heck of a surprise, CarpeDiem. You are a pathetic, gullible moron
Here's the best way to test such a person's faith.
MK
Carp, I dare say you are probably surprised by looking down and finding the floor. As for the screaming, that may just be the people you meet who are frustrated with your obtuse mutton-headedness.
It's all a load of bollocks, to be perfectly honest. Jesus said he'd return during his disciples lifetimes, and here we are, still waiting, still listening to stupid people talking about how Judgement Day is almost upon us. It is this level of gullibility which makes me think that Christianity is just a crappy cult with a really big following.
"From another direction he felt the sensation of being a sheep startled by a flying saucer, but it was virtually indistinguishable from the feeling of being a sheep startled by anything else it ever encountered, for they were creatures who learned very little on their journey through life, and would be startled to see the sun rising in the morning, and astonished by all the green stuff in the fields.
A Note for Those Who Have Been Left Behind:real God is a Walking Ravioli Demon. He's got a really nice Heaven up here, with a beer volcano and free strippers. He says that I should enjoy having the place to myself for now, but he's considering a second Rapture to bring up the Flying Spaghetti Monster followers; they were wrong, but only barely; at least they had the right idea. Of course, that won't help the Rapture Ready folks. I'm guessing they'll just continue to worship their god through the whole Tribulation, and continue to predict that the Rapture will be any day.
During the Tribulation, the antipasta will come to Earth. After you've finished your antipasta, pasta, main course, and dessert, there will be a Beast, who will refuse to let you buy food unless you put sauce on it. He will also try to mark you, but bleach will take the mark out of your clothes. (Both the stain and the stench!) There might also be a few wars or something.
After the Tribulation, people who have come to believe will be brought to Heaven. Everyone else is still permitted into Heaven if they can accept on faith alone that lobster ravioli is the best food in the world. If they can't, they go to Hell, where they will be forced to eat cold manicotti for breakfast every day.
I hope you come to Heaven with me. If you do, keep in mind: I was here first, so I get dibs on the big beer volcano.
I'm not a religious person but the thot of this possibly being the true END TIMES is kinda cool. I mean, my life is boring. I just sit around waiting, finding things to do while waiting to die. So, if the end is really gonna be spectacular for mankind then, shit yeah, BRING IT ON!
Thanks for all of the ignorant comments and the original exagerated story. Jesus gives you 3 choices; he was crazy, he was lying, he was the Son of God. Can you say out loud any of the first two. I hope you can take the blinders off and have a personal relationship with him. I was were you were before, now I cannot believe what I used to think folks. I will pray for you.
<<< Jesus gives you 3 choices; he was crazy, he was lying, he was the Son of God. >>>
>2006
The 'Tribulation lasts for seven years, does it not...?!
Plenty of time between 2006, and just over a decade later, eh? The first African-American president: twice elected, and someone who you lot at Ruptured Retards would consider a heretic for date-setting: getting it wrong: twice .
So how's it going for you lot: here in 2017 ? Enjoy your Great Disappointment tonight. And tomorrow night. And the day/week/month/year/decade /etc, etc...?!
Don't blame me, when you're on your deathbed, about to breathe your last, and you hear me whispering in your ear 'Where is your 'God' now ...?!' >:D
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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