SO starting with the rapture, after we sit down and have our meal with the KING! Ohhh that sounds so cool doesn't it???
Do you think we get the key to our mansions then or later?
So advance now to after Jesus wins!
And on your day off, (during the 1000 year's) What do you want to do with your time?
Me? I think I am going to spend every minute surfing the perfect waves that I know my Lord will provide. But then again, I would bet I would want to just sit at His feet. I don't think I will be able to get enough of Jesus!!! Maybe He will go catch a wave with me! How cool would that be???!!!!
96 comments
Jax - You'd need keys because in heaven, it's like an exclusive country club. Everyone wants in, especially all those filthy poor people. If you didn't have locks, all manner of riff-raff might be able to come in to your home whenever they wanted to!
How is this any different than the Muslim paradise wit the specified number of nubile virgins? Surfing the perfect wave, banquets, a flying Corvette that uses no gas. What is this the ten year old's version of heaven? Ya forgot infinite amounts of goddam ice cream.
"Do you think we get the key to our mansions then or later?"want a mansion? Can I sell it? Can I sell it for an outrageous price, ripping off some poor fool? Will Jesus provide fools for me to rip off? What if on my day off I want to beat the crap out of some Fundie, surfer idiots? Will Jesus provide Fundie, surfer idiots for me?
"And on your day off, (during the 1000 year's) What do you want to do with your time?"
So, one is going to have to go to work in heaven?
Mansions, perfect waves, flying corvettes, campfire sing alongs with angels, working on one's golf game, slumber parties, waterfront property, the list is hialrious.
Papabear, not only do you have to work, but you only get one damn day off in that 1,000 years. What kind of vacation program is that??
Let's go surfin' now,
I'm Jesus' little bitch! "But then again, I would bet I would want to just sit at His feet."
Just what he needs, a pile of drool on the floor and maybe having his leg humped when the pope calls round for tea.
@JadedRevenge
ever , because this is sincerely the greatest thing they could possibly imagine.
Wow! I'll have what he's smoking!
"Your showcase contains everything that a biblegod's lapdog could want! How about a new surfboard and a trip to Malibu! That's right, you and a guest will relax in the sun on sandy beaches! And, when it gets cold at night, you and your 'guest' can snuggle in comfort when we give you the keys, to, YOUR NEW MANSION! This hundred acre mansion will be the setting for, YOUR DINNER WITH THE KING! That's right, it's 'body and blood of christ night' and appetizers are half off! And watch the 'fools' in hell, burning for eternity, on this BIG SCREEN TV! All of this, plus smokin' a 'J' with BIG J! This showcase could be yours, if the PRICE is right!"
Oh man that thread is funny, but at the same time very, very sad. I thought someone would say something to the effect of "hold on, even if there is a heaven, we don't know what to expect". However, someone suggests making a book out of the fundies wishlists.
This guy's entire thread is disturbing:"I told everyone that I know, that I will be having a BBQ on the sun." - abkn
"I want to have a talk with Eve
And then meet Abraham and Noah and Moses and Daniel and Deborah and Paul" - Morgan
"After completing my house, I would like to have a "job" so to speak. Maybe it will be to watch over the mountain valley My Savior has given me to build my house in--and visit others throughout the kingdom." - Justsomeguy
"Well, the city is going to be huge. So I will have a 1953 Vette with a propulsion system that uses no gas. oil, water, or grease. It will levitate 1 foot off of the ground when sitting. No tires and it will be able to fly. It will be red/white." - gene194955
"I'm first gong to have Jesus over for coffee." - bghtnpd4
"Our pastor once said that everywhere Jesus went it seemed like food was a part of the event. And as we look forward to the great supper with Him, I think that is true. Jesus certainly likes food - just like everyone. So I am looking forward to scrumptious food and NO CALORIES!!!!!!! " - Morgan
"I want a panda garden, with lots of palm trees and big beautiful flowers and plants I'm no longer allergic too. With a little creek and a waterfall. With rainbows." - Charity4Ever
This is further evidence to my theory that fundies require that God bribe them to be good people.
O...kay...not of the world " thing.
This sounds more like the modern verison of Egyptian afterlife.
This is so stupid, I wonder if it's sincere.
This is some fucked up shit. I mean, seriously, people, everyone fantasizes, and everyone has some dream of what their ideal place would be like, but come on, first of all, that is fantasy, not reality. Secondly, let's just suppose, for a moment, that heaven is real. If heaven is just like earth, only better, than what's the point of earth, anyhow?
what part of your stupid life gave you the impression that Heaven is a place of physical materials? "keys" "mansions" "waves" are you that big of an idiot?
Since so many of you asked, here is the reference:
Chris, 'John' (at least 60 years after Christ's alleged death) also wrote that crap about 'New Jerusalem' descending out of the clouds with streets paved with gold!mone promounced mon-ay' and it means dwelling or abode.
http://www.studylight.org/desk/view.cgi?number=3438
"BBQ on the sun"?
Nah, you've got it wrong. The sun's too hot for proper BBQ -- the Bible Belt may be wrong on a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure they at least know barbecue.
You want indirect heat. Have your pigpickin' on Mercury instead -- it'll come out a lot better.
I don't think God is really into the "pathetic, naked greed" thing. Doesn't seem his style. (Well, unless you're a Muslim. Muslim heaven is all about hedonism, just like atheist Hell.)
"Aaaaaand, if you call now, you'll get dinner with Elvis! But wait, there's more! The key to a huge mansion, a vacation at a high-quality surfing resort, and some 'fun time' with Jesus await you in Heaven! All you have to do is purchase a King James Bible and tune in every day to Rapture Ready to see if you're a winner!"
They just went from cult to radio contest.
Funny how their ideas of Heaven are so materially-oriented, like a little kid's.
I need to make a comment about Muslim heaven and those umpteen number of virgins for every guy: So that's where Muslim men go when they deserve Heaven, and where Muslim women get assigned if they deserve Hell...
And on your day off, (during the 1000 year's) What do you want to do with your time?
This is "heaven" to these numbnuts, one day off (from what?) in 1,000 years?
Maybe you should just go catch a wave instead of waiting to die first.
Swell's happening right now, brah.
Fantasy, hmm, it makes you lose the plot if it's concerned with the death cult for jeebus, apparently...
How anybody over the age of eight can believe such crap is beyond understanding. I don't know if I should be laughing or crying.
Okay, laughing. Come on - keys to the mansion? Perfect waves? Grow up, idiot.
Once again a ruptured retard daydreaming. Well, it's good to have something to wait for, i think. Not that it matters if it ain't gonna happen, though. As long as you're happy...
Meanwhile:
"SO I just got this eMail from Nigeria, a rich businessman must get 60 million dollars out of the country, and he promised me 15% if he can use my bank account for the transaction! Ohhh that sounds so cool doesn't it???
Do you think I will buy the big mansion I always wanted then or later?
What a happy life I will have after this transaction is done!
And no more work forever. What do I want to do with my time?"
Looks like "yellowbo" will be quite disappointed ... as disappointed as the gullible person who fell for the old Nigerian scam; and as disappointed as the people who trusted Harold Camping.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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