The original sin between Adam and Eve was that they consumned each others own sexual fluids. The tree of the knowledge of good and bad was Adam's penis. If you use a digital camera to take a picture of your erect penis on the side you see when looking down at it and put the picture into your computer you can fit an equilateral triangle around the head of it. This is the Christmas tree. Anamita Muscaria mushrooms (magic mushrooms) grow under evergreen trees and are psychoactive. The Christmas tree is the tree of the knowledge of good and bad which is a symbol for Adam's penis ... The original sin altered man's mind and caused man to think in abstract ways and gave them the proclivity and drive to invent and construct things and delve into science that has resulted in all technology we see today. The pursuit of science is destroying the Earth as everything man does is destroying the very planet we live on. This knowledge from Satan the Serpent was a poison knowledge.
The serpent was also Adam's penis. The medical symbol the Caduceus is a pole with a pine cone on top with two serpents wrapped around it. The two serpents are male and female and they are the double helix of DNA and they also represent the Hindu rise of the first (anus) and second (sexual organs) chakras up the spinal column untill they reach the 6th chakra the pineal gland in the center of the brain the seat of imagination, spiritual insight and awareness.
139 comments
If I'm understanding this guy, he's saying that b/c Eve gave Adam a blowjob, we now have technology. That leads me to a great new horrible pickup line, "Hey baby, wanna to come back to my place and advance the human race?"
"The original sin between Adam and Eve was that they consumned each others own sexual fluids."
What Bible are you reading?
"The tree of the knowledge of good and bad was Adam's penis."
So, Adam & Eve were walking around the garden and they discovered Adam's penis? If you'll recall, Eve starts eating the fruit without Adam, then, Adam eats the fruit too. Adam eats his own penis?
"If you use a digital camera to take a picture of your erect penis on the side you see when looking down at it and put the picture into your computer you can fit an equilateral triangle around the head of it."
Why were you taking pictures of your penis? You might want to keep stuff like that to yourself.
"This is the Christmas tree."
Your penis is not a Christmas tree, no matter how many ornaments you hang on it.
"Anamita Muscaria mushrooms (magic mushrooms) grow under evergreen trees and are psychoactive."
I don't believe those pschoactive mushrooms grow under evergreen trees. However, I do believe that you have been ingesting such mushrooms. Why else would you think your penis is a Christmas tree.
"The Christmas tree is the tree of the knowledge of good and bad which is a symbol for Adam's penis ..."
No, it's not.
"The original sin altered man's mind and caused man to think in abstract ways and gave them the proclivity and drive to invent and construct things and delve into science that has resulted in all technology we see today."
No, original sin is a stupid product of your Christian delusion. Science and technology, on the other hand, are very real and quite useful.
"The pursuit of science is destroying the Earth as everything man does is destroying the very planet we live on."
No, misuse of technology has caused some damage, but proper use of science and technologies have made our lives immeasurably better.
"This knowledge from Satan the Serpent was a poison knowledge."
Fisrt, you can't show that Satan exists. Second, you can't show that the serpent referred to in Genesis is Satan. Third, you can't show that any part of the Genesis stories are true. Fourth, please explain what "poison knowledge" would be.
"The serpent was also Adam's penis."
Do you think everything is Adam's penis?
"The medical symbol the Caduceus is a pole with a pine cone on top with two serpents wrapped around it."
Finally, a statement that isn't wholly delusional.
"The two serpents are male and female and they are the double helix of DNA"
No, that symbol predates the discovery of DNA by many hundreds of years.
"and they also represent the Hindu rise of the first (anus) and second (sexual organs) chakras"
No. Please remove your head from your 1st chakra.
"up the spinal column untill they reach the 6th chakra the pineal gland in the center of the brain the seat of imagination, spiritual insight and awareness."
No, the pineal gland is a GLAND. It is not thinking tissue. It is not "the seat" of any thoughts, imagination, spirituality nor awareness.
You are an idiot.
"If you use a digital camera to take a picture of your erect penis on the side you see when looking down at it and put the picture into your computer"
As you do.
"you can fit an equilateral triangle around the head of it.
It wont match the shape - there are no 60 degree sharp corners in the human penis, for very obvious evolutiory reasons. It'll "fit", but leave gaps.
"This is the Christmas tree."
Neither Christmas, nor the Christmas Tree, were known concepts when Genesis was written.
"Anamita Muscaria mushrooms (magic mushrooms) grow under evergreen trees and are psychoactive."
Quite specialised knowledge there, buddy, not that I'm implying anything.
"The original sin altered man's mind and caused man to think in abstract ways and gave them the proclivity and drive to invent and construct things and delve into science that has resulted in all technology we see today."
Useful argument if you want your girlfriend to swallow - 'Not only is it a source of protein, it makes you smarter and more creative!' There's no actual connection to shrooms in your argument, though - just because they grow under trees which to you look like giant penises doesn't mean semen has the properties of said mushrooms (the world would be a VERY interesting place if it did!)
"The pursuit of science is destroying the Earth as everything man does is destroying the very planet we live on."
Not really. The pursuit of wealth with disregard to what science tells you is bad for the planet is what actually does the damage.
"This knowledge from Satan the Serpent was a poison knowledge. The serpent was also Adam's penis."
Adam's penis was actually the devil? He must have been a freak in the sack!
"The medical symbol the Caduceus is a pole with a pine cone on top with two serpents wrapped around it"
So, based on your descriptions, that's three penises twisted together. Whatever floats your boat...
"The two serpents are male and female"
A male and a female penis now? There's an interesting concept. I assume the pole/penis in the middle is gender neutral.
"The serpent was also Adam's penis. The medical symbol the Caduceus is a pole with a pine cone on top with two serpents wrapped around it. The two serpents are male and female and they are the double helix of DNA and they also represent the Hindu rise of the first (anus) and second (sexual organs) chakras up the spinal column untill they reach the 6th chakra the pineal gland in the center of the brain the seat of imagination, spiritual insight and awareness."
And on that note, we come to the end of this excerpt. Oh, looks like you forgot to actually have a POINT in all of that crap.
o_0
Wow. Now THAT is what I call deeply intense, narrowly focused, creatively attributed symbology -- or, more succinctly, BS!
~David D.G.
Papabear:
So, Adam & Eve were walking around the garden and they discovered Adam's penis? If you'll recall, Eve starts eating the fruit without Adam, then, Adam eats the fruit too. Adam eats his own penis?
Since he had a rib removed, that last part would actually have been possible :-P
"The original sin between Adam and Eve was that they consumned each others own sexual fluids."
Well ooo - k. They went down ... on themselves. They consumed each others own sexual fluids. Now THAT is a neat trick and should be in the kama sutra, page one! If (s)he had meant they'd 69nd, (s)he'd have said they consumed each others sexual fluids but stated this way, they had to consume their own. The mental image I'm getting from this is ... Hilarious! Two child-like adult humans bent and twisting under a pine tree, getting needled in the process, trying to reach their own groins with their mouths. This makes Yeshua_is_king stupid, or adam and eve stupid. What god would come along and punish these two contortionists when he discovered them grappling in Twister-like wiggling and writhing in heroic attempts to reach their own crotches? And what order of cockamamie would the couple have had to be to even come up this idea, let alone act on it? These would be the parents to all people's?? I think not. What I do think is that Yeshua_is_king has been practicing abstinence and is almost completely insane from wanting, but not daring, to touch him/herself. Stop fixating on the subject, Yeshua, and go have sex or alone time before you start seeing penis' everywhere!
Oh. Too late.
Oh my god. I don't even think I can comment on this for the moment. Too much laughter, it hurts.
Just in case anyone stupid enough to believe this nutter is reading this: Amanita muscaria (fly agaric) isn't actually the mushroom usually known as the 'magic mushroom' (most often, Psilocybe semilanceata ), but it can produce nasty symptoms (not just hallucinations) and can be fatal in high enough doses.
Oh fuck it. Do what you like.
Fair enough that the Caduceus can be interpreted in many ways... one of which is the joining of the Kundalini (sexual energy from bottom to top, often seen as a snake because it's wavy) with the white shaft of light entering thru your crown chakra. The pineal gland is not in the centre of your brain, it's in the area called the 3rd eye, and it does have something to do with imagination, intuition, second sight and awareness. Usually with enough practice, some yogis are able to create an interaction between their pineal and pituitary gland... when this happens, clairvoyants can see a halo around their head (and some people claim that is how the Jesus healed, and why He had a halo.)
So what's your point, though, buddy? There are scientists who work(ed) for NASA (such as Barbara Ann Brennan) who have studied and verified this stuff scientifically and... oh, forget it. Y'all discount science too.
"If you use a digital camera to take a picture of your erect penis on the side you see when looking down at it and put the picture into your computer you can fit an equilateral triangle around the head of it. This is the Christmas tree."
Gee, thanks for ruining my favorite holiday.
Anyone have good home cures for removing horible mental images?
What is it with this fundie obsession with the human sex act?
If it wasn't for the our imperative to mate the human race would be extinct!
Whether you want to believe we were created this way, or we evolved, it doesn't matter. The sex act is pleasurable and is a normal urge for most healthy humans, heterosexual and homosexual alike.
I find your thesis fantastic, SINCE THERE WAS NEVER A PICTURAL DESING OF THE SITUATION UNTIL THE RENAISSANCE AND, OF COURSE, IT WAS THE WORK OF AN ARTIST WHO WAS JUST MAKING HIS JOB. Please, stop.
This guy really has some terribly phallacious reasoning. Or should that be fellatious reasoning?
And, yeah, the "Make Love To Me, Sigmund Freud" Award sounds good, even if we do have another Freudian award already given out this month.
~David D.G.
Everybody sing along!
If it's longer than it's wide, then it's phallic!
If it's longer than it's wide, then it's phallic!
If it's shorter than it's wide,
Then you tip it on its side,
Now it's longer than it's wide, and it's phallic!
--GF
joey444: Yeah, I can just imagine the rest of the exchange:
Doc: "You really seem to be quite obsessed with penis imagery."
Yeshua: "ME?!? You're the one with the pornographic inkblot collection!"
Doc: "No, really, I want you to think long and hard about this...."
Yeshua: "Okay, that's it! Get away from me, you sick pervert!"
~David D.G.
Adam Penis Envy Award Thirded.
So Adams penis, told Eve to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil which was also Adams penis...
You know if my husbands penis started talking to me during foreplay or whatever, I sure as hell wouldn't put the thing in my mouth.
Also, explain the verse in Genesis that says "I will create enmity between her seed and your seed, he will crush your head and you shall bruise his heel" or the verse where God condemns the serpent, and its descendants to crawl on their bellies for the rest of time?
Coming from a literal point of view, using your symbolism, I find any explination of those two verses to be very, very, very Fucked Up.
Sexual guilt and repression FTW. Do you ever see anything that doesn't remind you of Adam's penis?
The DNA helix represents redundancy of information. You know, that thing religious historians should have used for informational hygiene, but didn't and now only God knows what the original Bible was supposed to say.
Christmas trees date back to Nordic celebrations. After a successful invasion or raid, they would festoon trees with the entrails of enemy dead as part of the festivities. Again, nothing related to Adam's genitals.
This guy is a dick.
And a prick, dork, schmuck.....
O' Christmas Tree
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree!
How are thy testes so virile!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
How are thy testes so virile!
Not only in the summertime,
But even in winter is thy prime.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
How are thy testes so virile!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Much pleasure doth thou bring me!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Much pleasure doth thou bring me!
For every year the Christmas tree,
Brings to us all both joy and glee.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Much pleasure doth thou bring me!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Thy frosting shoots out abruptly!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Thy frosting shoots out abruptly!
Each breast doth hold its tiny light,
That makes each boob to sparkle bright.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Thy frosting shoots out abruptly!
"The original sin between Adam and Eve was that they consumned each others own sexual fluids."
"The original sin altered man's mind and caused man to think in abstract ways and gave them the proclivity and drive to invent and construct things and delve into science that has resulted in all technology we see today."
Ok... this is what I'm getting from this post; Blowjobs make you smarter! Am I misinterpreting, here? Hell, that works for me!
This deserves an award, so I'll nth the suggestion for the one with the coolest name--The Adam's Penis Envy award.
BTW, Niali, have you read Snow Crash? Your "informational hygene" comment makes it look that way.
Okay, this guy seems to have a thing about oral sex, but apart from that, this is drifting into word salad territory. It's not quite there yet -- most of it makes sense, sort of -- but there's definitely some disordered thinking there. And a thing for teh cawk.
Have you ever seen an Amanita Muscaria in real life? Sure they grow in coniferous woods, but not that often under Christmas trees. Christmas trees are tiny firs, that hardly let any light down to the ground. You need firs and pines that are 60-70 feet tall, at least. They don't look like triangles anymore, when they are that old and that big.
You must have taken many photos of your dick, in order to know every angle of the picture...
Well, apparently there are harmful side affects to smoking mushrooms, sucking on penises, taking pictures of penises and fitting geometric shapes, all while sitting under a Christmas tree.
This guy had a wild night...
Well, I guess he's not taking the bible literally...I'll give him credit for that...I guess...sort of...uh...what?
Tree of knowledge = penis?!
this guy was taking pictures of his erect penis?!
Christmas tree = Adam's penis?!
Snake = Adam's penis!?
DNA = serpent = adams penis!?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Okay, I'm better now.
Wait... It's all about penis until he gets to the caduceus, the it's a pole with a pine cone on it? Er, I think you'll find it's the Christmas trees that have pine cones, and the caduceus that is the penis.
one too many shrooms perhaps ?
aaaaaaaannnnddd he has spoiled christmas this year. I will never look at a christmas tree without seeing a giant erect penis !
I dont think many penis look like christmas trees, maybe with some ticklers on it ?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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