[From Biblocality's jokes page. Seriously.]
53 comments
So a neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender slides it over to him, and the particle asks how much it'll cost. The bartender looks at him and says "For you, sir, no charge"
So a neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender slides it over to him, and the particle asks how much it'll cost. The bartender looks at him and says "For you, sir, no charge"
Two atoms walk in a street. One says to the other "I think I just lost an electron." "Are you sure?" asks the other. "yes", replies the first, "I'm positive".
Scurries under the rock to avoid the Churchjerk attack.
He's the only person I know who has been banned from sites with a no ban policy. Severe spamming. But if you go over to his site, your banned because you don't answer his 100 questions to see if your godly enough for him.
Seriously the guy's fucked up.
A Fundamentalist and a delusional psychotic walk into a psychiatrist's office, arguing back and forth.
The Fundamentalist says, "My friend needs help."
The psychiatrist says, "I don't see any friend, I just see you."
The Fundamentalist replies: That's because I'm schizophrenic too.
Ha ha!
Two fundies walk into a church.
Which is weird, because if the first one walked into it, you figure the second would've seen it coming.
amillennialist = a Christian eschatologist who denies a future, thousand-year, physical reign of Jesus Christ on the earth.
post-tribulation premillennialist = someone who believes there will be a future, thousand-year, physical reign of Jesus Christ on the earth, but who also believes that the Rapture will happen after the 7-year tribulation leading up to Christ's return rather than before it.
replacement theologian = someone who believes that the New Testament replaces the Old Testament (i.e. Christianity replaces Israel), and that the laws of the O.T. no longer matter.
And who says fundies have no sense of humor?
Well, just about everyone, actually.
This reminds me somewhat of the classic Jaffa joke that Teal'c once told the guys on Stargate SG-1.
A Serpent guard, a Horus guard, and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's nose drips.
Just as much connection to Earth. Or humor.
How many members of a demographic group are required to perform a specified action?
A finite number. One to perform the action and the remainder to behave in a fashion stereotypical of the demographic group.
Two necrophiliacs walk down the street. When they pass a morgue, one says to the other, "So, wanna go in for a cold one?"
Huh?
I fail to understand why this is meant to be funny?
So a hydrogen ion walks into a bar, upset, and the bartender says "what's wrong?" and the hydrogen ion says "I've lost an electron", "are you sure?" "I'm positive!"
I actually understand the joke, having been a Christian once...
And it's still not funny.
Thus is the reason why "Monty Python's Life Of Brian" is acknowledged as the funniest film ever made. And why fundies didn't.
To add my 20p's worth to this thread:
God and Troy Brooks are standing at the LHC, and the scientists create a big bang.
God looks down to Troy and says, "See? That's how you do that."
A: None. Troy Brooks lives in the Dark Ages.
A Klingon, a Vulcan, and a Ferengi are trying to decide how to divide a pitcher of Romulan ale among them,...
[riotous laughter ensues]
@Nate!-- I actually find that hilarious. I worry for me.
Oh, crap. I'll go with the oldest one in the book.
Little Timmy is reading a bible and finds a leaf in it. "Look mom, I found Adam's underwear!" he says enthusiastically.
@A Help for Troy-boy The LIAR
Jokes usually are punchy, and direct, to get in the humourous impact immediately. Intellectual humour is fine too, but for some it takes a little longer to get them. Having to explain a joke (as in the case of Troy's example of one) is like dissecting a frog. You eventually figure out how it works, but in the process you kill it.
And thus is why you'll never see a Christian comedian*. It's an oxymoron, you see, like 'Christian Rock'. One Word: Stryper.
QED.
Seems that the Devil doesn't only have the best tunes...!
*- To be a comedian, you need a sense of irony, and cynicism - two qualities that are dangerous to 'Faith' & 'Belief'.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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