lisaann #fundie

lisaann #fundie rr-bb.com

[Do the fundies look forward to death? The whole thread is great.]

Death can be painful and awful. I don't want to leave my children behind to be raised without me. Plus, death is so......ordinary. It has happened to countless people since the beginning of time.

The rapture on the other hand most likely won't hurt and will probably be the most awsome sensation we have ever known. Also, I can take my children with me and only a select few in the whole history of the earth will experiance it. I want to be a part of that.

41 comments

old comment by Jezebel's Evil Sister

A painless rapture? You sure about that?

Remember, it's supposed to be your physical body - the exact same one you have now - that zooms up through the sky to meet God, Jr. and the Holy Farter in Heaven. I would think bursting through the roof of a building, or a car, or whatever you're in at the time could be a real bitch.

Plus, it's going to hurt like hell, for at least a couple of seconds, when you burst into flames, which would absolutely happen to a physical body propelled at the speed necessary to escape Earth's atmosphere.

No thank you; I'd rather be left behind to watch the fireworks. And, I hope the rapture occurs when it's night-time wherever I am; that way, the aerial incendiaries (aka, flaming fundies) will be more visible and hence more entertaining.

old comment by Illuminatalie

If your children are not raptured and you are, I would think that you will watch in ecstasy as they are swept screaming into the Lake of Fire, to be pitchforked by demons forever and ever. After, you can sit on a sofa, and if you wish, watch their eternal torment, or else watch tv and eat specialty potato chip dip.

Hmmm. I think I've heard somewhere that if you don't believe that Judgement Day and Rapture are the same thing, you will have to watch in ecstasy as your unraptured children endure fascist microchipping-type oppression under Satan, who rules the earth for 1,000 years or something like that... I'm not sure, maybe someone can clarify this? What happens after the rapture? How long till judgement day?

old comment by Cannedhaggis

One of these days, someone is going to convince that entire forum to commit a mass suicide. It will be glorious.

It may look something like this:

(Posted by: Rapturemegodohgodohjaysusyesssssssssss)
"Hey everyone! I just came home from a long shift at Wal-Mart and I had a vision: Jesus came to me and said that the rapture is happening RIGHT NOW! *insert goofy dancing emote* But he says that because of all the sin in the world, we have to help him out! *insert another stupid emote* He also said that everyone on this forum is saved, and nobody else! You can bring your kids too, I guess. *insert stupid smiley face*

So at 12:00 midnight tonight, climb up the highest building you can find, and jump off! Don't worry, Jesus won't let you fall. It is a test of faith! Then, we will all get chocolate cake and mansions and TVs that let us watch people burning in hell. It's rapturtastic! *Insert another goddamn dancing emote*"

old comment by Cannedhaggis

One of these days, someone is going to convince that entire forum to commit a mass suicide. It will be glorious.

It may look something like this:

old comment by Michael

Umour Ritual Forum

Join the ritual! visit http://www.umour.org
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Mistaken Rapture Kills Arkansas Woman
ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene.
"I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. "She thought the rapture was happening and was
convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky!" he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him. "I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied, "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

posted by Umour Ritual Specialist at 11:11 AM
1 Comments:

Blogger Umour Ritual Specialist said...

This fictional story was written by Elroy Willis who has a web page he calls "Religion in the News"
http://www.elroysemporium.com/news/rapturetalk.html
7:16 PM

lisaann #fundie rr-bb.com

41 comments

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