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Evolution doesn't work that way.
But I've got a good friend in Zambia who needs to get a lot of money out of the country in a hurry, and if you send $200 to help set up the accounts, you can have a tenth of it... that should be enough for a Corvette, no?
Pray for it. Your god loves you so much he'll give you something maybe a Corvette, or a DKW, maybe cancer, or a slow mind . . . oops, too late!
God...if you can hear me, and you really want to prove yourself to the world, please...please, I beg of you...kill the morons for us...
We know that you can do it!
-Lovingly yours,
Edit: His response to the Best Answer he chose is just hilarious.
Also: THIS. IS. SPAAAAARRRRTTTTAAAA!!
You need more than a can of oil, son...
- Iron ore
"I want a Corvette so I emptied out my garage and put a bottle of Valvoline motor oil in the middle of the garage and waited for it to evolve into a corvette. Nothing has happened yet."
Good god! You mean you had the audacity to test evolution? And you found it to fail that test!? Well now, we can't have that. Please remain where you are while the E.A.C. dispatches a sweeper team to your location.
"What's up, where is evolution ?"
Is your bottle of Valvoline an imperfect replicator? No, didn't think so.
"I need the Corvette by the first 1st of the next month, I don't have millions of years."
Even if you did, oh so clever one, you still wouldn't have your Corvette.
Now, go smile smugly to yourself thinking you've bested 150 years of scientific research with poorly thought out piffle. Careful you don't injure your shoulder while you're patting yourself on the back.
...I emptied out my garage and put a bottle of Valvoline motor oil in the middle of the garage and waited for it to evolve into a corvette.
If you had spent the time you were waiting for your Corvette working you might have had more success. Alternately, you could have prayed to Jehovah to get Him to spontaneously create one from a handful of metal shavings.
I think you're doing it wrong. First of all, evolution occurs over millions of years, whether you want it to or not. Second of all, motor oil and corvettes are man-made, not natural. Man-made objects do not evolve. Glad to help!
Poe/Troll.
The name is a character from 300, and imagery from that movie is used by internet nerds to help them posture themselves as "badasses".
I know because of my learnings.
As any good evolution scientists knows, and if Hollywood has taught us anything, it's this. If you want to accelerate the natural process of evolution you need large quantities of uranium.
You can pick this up from your local nuclear power station, or if you want to shop around for a bargain you can contact your local terrorist cell.
Plutonium works almost as well, but will have a nasty fake cherry aftertaste.
First you need to get the bottle of Valvoline to procreate, and make sure that the procreation process introduces small changes in each successive generation.
I'm curious, Leonidas...
Do you think motor oil can reproduce?
Do you think the terms atheism and evolution are interchangeable?
Do you think for yourself at all?
Dear Leonidas,
Sorry, but natural evolution will take millions of years to turn your valvoline into a Corvette. Clearly, a can of motor oil, weighing considerably less than a car, is insufficient in itself to grow into one, so a considerable amount of foraging must first take place. Also, motor oil actually flows quite slowly until it warms up, significantly delaying the foraging process.
So what is limiting the development of you Corvette is a major shortage of both raw materials and energy in the form of heat. Instead of one can, try cramming in a hundred, then heat them as much as possible with a couple of blow torches to speed up their metamorphosis. You can save yet more time if you arrange the cans into the rough shape of a car and sit among them before you begin. That way the oil cans will rapidly transform themselves around you.
You're doing it all wrong. You have to get lots of Honda Civics to mate, and only keep the fastest offspring. This is basic biology, except Civics (and bottles of motor oil) aren't alive and therefore not relevant to biology.
This has to be a joke. Right? Please?
I mean even if it wasn't a joke I love the last line, I don't have a million years. HA. In evolutionary terms a million years is a blink of the eye.
These morons don't seem to understand that evolution requires 3 things: 1. a mechanism to produce very small changes 2. accumulate them 3. have enormous lengths of time.
Evolution at its most basic description.
Also, you are a fucking idiot.
So you're ignoring science (And I'm even suspending the fact that the core, central, integral part of evolution is reproduction, which cars are...brace yourself for this...incapable of, for you. Ain't I sweet?) and shooting for a miracle. And then snarking at us that it doesn't work like your little strawman model?
Christians, your help please?
FIXED.
Congratulations! You've proven you're a complete dumbass that hasn't the faintest clue as to how evolution works.
Here's your dildo, please shove it in your mouth
Answer: because your mother wanted it to turn into a better son, and your wishes cancelled each other out, so evolution didn't happen! Shucks! Maybe if you try to cast your magic on something that you and your mother could both enjoy, it might be better. Hope to evolve yourself better lawn furniture, or a bigger penis, and I'm sure you'll get your wish. Evolution is at your service, good sir!
“Athiests, your help please?”
“I want a Corvette”
“so I emptied out my garage and put a bottle of Valvoline motor oil in the middle of the garage and waited for it to evolve into a corvette.”
"Nothing has happened yet. What's up, where is evolution ?”
“I need the Corvette by the first 1st of the next month, I don't have millions of years.”
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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