(Just out of curiosity, why do you feel the need to differentiate between lesbians and gold star lesbians? Why does it make you so angry that women who have had sex with men have the same right as a "gold star" like you to identify as a lesbian? Is it a superiority thing? Do you think you're better than those women? I really want to know why you put so much energy into something as trivial as this. )
First of all, it is not a trivial thing. Maybe to you non gold stars but to most gold star lesbians it is not trivial. Gold Star lesbian means a lesbian who has never willingly slept with a man or boy. Where in the definition does it say that gold star lesbians think they are superior to other lesbians? Rape victims can be gold stars lesbians because it implies consensual sex not rape. The term gold star used to be a slur. “Lesbians” who had or are sleeping with men made fun of and insulted lesbians who have never and will never sleep with men willingly by saying something like this, “oh, so you have never slept with a man? So now what do you want? A gold star!?” So these lesbians eventually got sick of it and decided to reclaim the word for themselves thus the gold star lesbian. The “lesbians” and their supporters who made fun of them and future supporters who will hate the term and/or definition of the term or/and the actual gold star lesbians are forever pissed of and will do anything to silence us and make us look bad. I think it was never about the term, it was and is about the definition of the term because they are other offensive terms such as pillow princess and dyke and slut that no one is making a fuss over and even if they do people ignore it. I think these people who are antigold stars just can’t stand and comprehend how a woman has not and will not willingly have sex with men and they are pissed of because they and everyone expect every woman to sleep with a man at least once in her lifetime. I view antigold stars to be mysoginistic and homophobic. I care because it puts a really bad reputation on real lesbians. Gold star lesbians have face the same compulsory heterosexuality just like the “lesbians” who have slept with men. There is only one type of lesbian and it is a biological woman who is sexually, emotionally, romantically, and physically attracted to ONLY other biological women. By that definition lesbians don’t willingly have sex with men. Also, they are many ways to avoid having sex with men when you are faced with expectations to sleep with them unless you live in a country like Afghanistan where who are basically raped and force to do things. The only excuse that I hear of why a “lesbian” slept with a man willingly is because compulsorary heterosexuality but there excuse is not valid because gold star lesbians face the same challenges as they do. Actually they have more of a challenge and are at more of a risk because they have never and will never sleep with men willingly and society expects women to have sex with men. Gold Star lesbians are not “lucky” they are just following their lesbianism. These “lesbians” who have slept and/or are sleeping with men make lesbians a huge joke to the mayority, the straight people. Those “lesbians” reinforce the stereotype that lesbians can have sex with men willingly, it is just a phase, they will end up with men, they can be “turn”, etc. The word lesbian has been changed (not by the dictionary but by what people connote it to) to mean a woman who had sex with men but now has sex with women. I don’t even like to call myself lesbian because people especially the LGBTQ will assume that I have slept with men which is not true. So I call myself gold star lesbian and this clearly states that I have never and will never sleep with men. The term lesbian has been changed to be ambiguous meaning that it can mean anything even the bisexuals claim the word lesbians. The point is to distinguish the “lesbians” who had and/or have sex with men from the lesbians who has never and will never willingly sleep with a man. After all, who do you think a person who wants to learn about lesbians will take more seriously, a “lesbian” who has slept or/and is sleeping with men or a lesbian who has never and will never sleep with men? I care because you antigold star lesbians are silencing us and expect us to be viewed as manfuckers like every other “lesbian”. It is just a term and because antigold stars are making a huge fuss over it I assume you all are homophobic. Plus, why do the “lesbians” who have had sex with men get a voice while lesbians who never slept with men need to shut the fuck up by the antigold star lesbians? It is antigold stars who make a huge fuss about the term and put bullshit lies in our mouths such as we don’t let rape victims be gold stars (most gold stars would agree that they can be gold stars). We gold stars are just defending ourselves from your homophobic bullshit.
(Hi, so there are many issues with your argument:
1) I think it’s funny how you assumed that I am a “non gold star” lesbian just because I have a problem with your perspective. To use your language, I am in fact a “platinum gold star” lesbian. My current girlfriend was my first kiss :)
2) The term “gold star” lesbian is not a slur. The response “oh, so you have never slept with a man? So now what do you want? A gold star!?” probably came after your insufferable and needless bragging about never having been with a “biological male”, which by the way, is transphobic. I’m not surprised that you’re a terf. A sarcastic comeback is not the same as a slur. The term “dyke” is used when I’m being threatened from across the street by a group of men for holding my girlfriend’s hand. No one cares if I’m a gold star or not.
3) You assume IMMENSE amounts of privilege when talking about being a gold star lesbian. I come from a country where there was absolutely NO LGBT representation. On top of that, my family was very religious and conservative. Heterosexual sex wasn’t even discussed or represented without religious warnings and limitations, i.e. only when you’re married, etc. I have had feelings for women for as long as I could remember, but due to my young inability to comprehend what I was feeling, I continued to identify as straight. After all, I had no point of reference, so how could I identify as something I didn’t even know was an option? You don’t have to be in Afghanistan being murdered or raped to deal with compulsory heterosexuality. If I had remained in my country, I would have probably ended up in a casually arranged marriage courtesy of my parents, distant relatives, and family friends. I know for a fact that I would also have just accepted and went along with the marriage, as I would have wanted to please my family. It would have probably been a close childhood friend of mine and we could just continue to be best friends after the marriage, just with occasional sex thrown in. Would I have been enthusiastic about the sex? Maybe not, but since I would have had no point of reference, chances are that I would have just went along with it to please my husband. No big deal, right? Except that in this scenario, I’m gay and I just don’t know it.
P.S. this situation isn’t completely hypothetical, I know a few of my parents’ friends that had me lined up as an option for their sons.
What I’m trying to show you is that there is nuance to being a lesbian. Nothing is just black and white. A lesbian is a woman (cis or trans) that is attracted solely to women. Therefore, I am a lesbian, just as much as my girlfriend, @tinylesbian, who has been involved with men for means of safety and survival.
4) The differentiation of platinum/gold star lesbians vs lesbians who have been involved with men in the past creates a hierarchy and is not helpful nor conducive to a supportive lesbian community. Bragging about never having been with a “biological male” (still transphobic) should not be a point of pride as it insinuates that you are somehow more of a lesbian than women who have and honestly, it’s just unnecessary information. We don’t care. No one does.)
There are gold stars and platinum lesbians who disagree with the label and I know that but most of them that complain about the label are the ones who sleep or have slept with men. Personally, I don’t like the term because it implies something better but no one including the haters have tried to come up with a new neutral term. Transexuals can’t be lesbians because I follow science. I suppose I am a TERF but I don’t call myself that because I find it offensive. The term may not have been a slur but it obviously was used to offend the gold star lesbians. I do agree that Afghanistan is not the only place that you can get raped and murdered for being LGBTQ. Unfortunately, even the U.S. has problems with murder and rape. However, as a society you can get help if you are raped and the rapist will get punished if he or she is reported but unfortunately some countries don’t have that. I in fact am a platinum lesbian. Despite that I had tried to be straight and tried to like boys in my teenaged years but it didn’t work and never got a boyfriend or any fuckboys coming after me (probably because of my social issues). Plus, I just couldn’t bring myself to have sex with males because to me it felt like I was going to sleep with an animal. It just wasn’t for me and my extincts just said no. I also tried commiting suicide a couple of times. But just because I am a platinum lesbian doesnt means that I had an easy life and that I and other gold star and platinum lesbians should be ignored and silenced. Most of us gold star and platinum lesbians have not had an easy life and we didn’t go have sex with men to make it easier and plus it is not in our nature. I totally disagree that lesbianism is nuanced. If lesbianism is nuanced, what about straight people are they nuanced and not black and white? The lesbian community is a huge joke (at least the ones I have been to) and it is not because of gold star and platinum lesbians. It is because of “lesbians” and bisexuals who can’t shut the hell up about men whether how it was good or bad having sex with them, how to unlearn liking men, divorces, marriages, children with men, etc. I expected a community of lesbians who talked only about women and not a thing about men (relating to sexual or romantic). Plus, the hate and bullying towards and silencing of lesbians who have never slept with men by the antigold stars and antiplatinums is unbelievable. Sometimes they even ban you from the place if you have never slept with men. I don’t involve myself in the lesbian community or LGBTQ community anymore and only seek other gold star or platinum lesbians to date. You and only people with your mentality may not care about the term but why the hell do you and others think you have the right to tell us what we can and cannot call ourselves and judge us when they are many bisexuals who mislabel themselves as lesbians and make a joke out of us? One of the reasons why we are loud and vocal is because people like you want to silence us and most people don’t want to be silenced. Also, we want to be role models to young lesbians to show them that they don’t have to sleep with a men to make sure they are lesbians or to be proper lesbians. I will respect your opinions despite that I disagree with them and I hope you respect mine despite you disagreeing with me. And then we call it quits.