Colonel-Knight-Rider #sexist #fundie deviantart.com

[Highlights from “100 Truths by Colonel Knight Rider”.]

[…]
26. First crush?—My babysitter. But it was an innocent love of her personality, the kind I hope to apply to a real adult relationship.
[…]
28. Any talent?—I may not be a genius in the literal sense of the word, but I am one of the fastest-thinking men alive with a unique set of memory techniques that not even I can fully explain. If I could, I'd be in MENSA.
[…]
38. Drink?—Milk, the signature, calcium-enriched drink of Colonel Knight Rider. *In Sean Connery's voice,* Fat-free, not whole.
[…]
45. Fallen in love with someone?—Yes, but it's never been reciprocated because this is a post-feminist world. The problem with girls in my generation is that, as another former babysitter of mine told my mother, there are too many of them whose mothers have told them that they "don't need guys" to live long and fulfilling lives.
46. Celebrated Halloween?—Formerly. Now I just make Deviations about it.
47. Had your heart broken?—I guess I just answered that one.
[…]
52. Deleted an entire paper?—No, but I've heavily revised a few to the point where it feels like deleting and starting over again.
53. Did something you regret?—Yes, but it brought me to DeviantArt, proving that all things work together for those who love God…and those who choose not to listen but work hard to be good people anyway.
[…]
59. Left the country?—Not yet, but hopefully some day on vacation! Or I could leave when America becomes so politically divided that I'm the last man in my church, at which point I'd go into self-imposed exile Yoda-style.
[…]
66. Stayed single for two years since the first time you had a date?—For nearly 26 years, yes.
[…]
71. Plans for today?—Struggle to find a decent job, play superhero on the Internet, repeat. So, the usual.
72. Waiting for?—A girl who's sweet, innocent, thoughtful, deep, listens well, gives good hugs, is not a feminist, and wants to date me.
73. Want kids?—Naturally!
74. Want to get married?—So much that I admit to unintentionally sounding like a girl when I talk about it.
[…]
81. Hook-up or relationship?—Relationship. Have you ever met a true knight who does casual hook-ups?
[…]
85. Held a gun or knife in defense?—Only in a dream where I killed a childhood nightmare with one bullet. It was a few months before my 18th birthday, so I like to think of it as my own personal rite of passage into adulthood. =P Today, whenever I think of the dream, which ended when I woke up seconds after the kill, I imagine it continuing with the sun rising out my bedroom window at the time as I hear that guy from the first shot of The Lion King shout his famous Zulu lyrics: "NAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS' INGONYAAAAAAAAAAAAAMA BAGITHI BABAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" signifying the dawn of a new, prosperous era free of childhood nightmares.
[…]
86. Killed somebody?—There are three types of folks who could answer this question affirmatively: psychopaths, law enforcement officers, and people in the Armed Services. In truth, I'm none of the three.
[…]
97. Is there one person you really want to be with right now?—My wife, whom God has already chosen but I haven't yet seen.

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Confused?

So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

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