The winner of this auction will receive my handwritten journal where I have described in detail the four messages of Jesus Christ who has appeared to me.
Jesus revealed four specific things to me:
#1: The precise location of Heaven
#2. The cure for cancer
#3. The solution for the achievement of world peace.
#4. He revealed the future to me
[The auction has ended at AU $19,750.00]
51 comments
Jesus revealed four specific things to me:
I can imagine, was he with Elvis?
#1: The precise location of Heaven
Let me guess "Up"?
#2. The cure for cancer
A real Christian would share this information for free. However, science has made a few recent breakthroughs in that department. I'll give my trust to medical science - not the ramblings of a fraud and/or lunatic.
#3. The solution for the achievement of world peace.
That's probably "Kill the non believers"
#4. He revealed the future to me
Example - just one to prove your veracity.
[The auction has ended at AU $19,750.00]"
I wonder if I could sell the Sydney Harbour Bridge to these people.
Gosh, he is such a generous benefactor of mankind, making that information available for only 5 years with low monthly payments.
Call now, and he will throw in a free piece of toast, shaped like the left thumbnail of Christ.
My hero.
I bet the journal had only one page, and upon it was written "HAH, YOU IDIOT, YOU PAID MONEY FOR THIS?!"
1. UP
2. Prayer
3. Kill everyone who has differnt views
4. You shall have waffles.
that was easy, send me monies !
Maybe I'm too utilitarian, but if you have the cure for cancer, you have the duty, the obligation, to tell the rest of humankind.
#1: The precise location of Heaven
Up
#2. The cure for cancer
Death,either the Cancers or yours. Better not be that peach pit nonsense again. I expect origionality from my crazy people.
#3. The solution for the achievement of world peace.
No religion to
#4. He revealed the future to me
Tomorrow happens
WTF is this! How can anyone be stupid enough to fall for this?
Jesus revealed four specific things to me:
#1: The precise location of Heaven
So? What good is that? It's not like you could just sneak into it you moron.
#2. The cure for cancer
So Jesus shared the cure for cancer with you, instead of sharing it with someone who's NOT a greedy sonofabitch? Bad call Jesus.
#3. The solution for the achievement of world peace.
So this solution guarantees world peace? Which would mean that God actually WANTS peace in the world? So the omnipotent God who created the entire universe by simply uttering "let there be light", needs to go through this roundabout way to make peace on one tiny little planet, and in the process make his heaven and hell obsolete?
#4. He revealed the future to me
ALL of it? And you're struggling so pitifully to make peanuts off of ebay instead of making millions in lottery?
Arrrrgh...
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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