If you're going to have your HiE tell Celestia all about humanity, take the time to GET IT RIGHT. And not just the abridged whiny disaffected teen version of world history.

A few damn highlights:

1)America was not the only nation to own slaves. It was however the first (and thus far only) nation where the slave-owning class went to war to FREE the slaves. And as far as that goes, the Civil War was a hell of a lot more complicated than just Free vs Slave, too. (almost unknown factoid: while the North was chastising the south for owning slaves, it was whalloping the south with taxes and tariffs on the cotton trade--- most of the government revenue came from taxes on the South, and was spent mostly on the North. The north ALSO conspired to deny them representation, by declaring black people only worth 2/3 a white person in the Census... which decided how many Representatives the south got. LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT.) Muslims and africans, btw, still have slavery.

2)The crusades were not "Christian oppression," they were responses by the Christian nations to a massive, continent wide invasion of conquest by the Muslim nations. The trigger to the first Crusade was pleas for help from Christian cities in the Middle East that were being overrun by Muslim invaders.

3)Blather about "religious wars" should be followed up by a little reminder of what the humanist and atheist regimes got up to in the French Revolution, National Socialist Germany, the Soviet Union and Red China--- where more civilians were killed by their own governments (many of them for the counterrevolutionary crime of being religious) than were killed by all the holy wars in prior human history combined. Oh, and while you're at it--- Don't call religious people stupid for believing in a God, unless you're willing to spend equal time on the fact that its stupid to assume ponies worship Celestia as a goddess when she's had her ass handed to her at least three times already right in front of them.

4)Yes, America has fought in most every major war since its founding. Largely because the rest of you tossers won't leave us the hell alone. Had to fight a revolution just to get the brits to leave us alone. then 1812, we had to fight them again to get them to stop boarding our ships and kidnapping our sailors. then in the early 20th the kaiser started attacking our trade ships. Then in 1941 the japanese bomb our harbor. Then the soviets start trying to swallow up the world, so there we were in Korea and Vietnam, and posting OUR troops to protect everyone ELSE'S country. THAT goes by the wayside and the Arabs start flying planes into our buildings! Yes, we're warlike, because people keep waging WAR on us!

5)And in broader terms--- quit having Celestia act shocked that humans have wars. No ruler keeps a standing army around her castle just because she likes the pretty armor.

6)Setting aside the fact that witch trials aren't going to be really shocking to a species who lives in a world where genuine evil enchantresses exist, Salem was not the only place in the world where witches were tried and executed. For that matter, Christendom was late to the game in that regard--- and witch trials still take place in many pagan corners of the world. Quit getting your history from websites by pouty neopagan goth teenagers who think they're reincarnations of dark faeries from the Burning Times.

Just for once try and remember that for every unjust tyrant, cruel regime, hateful fanatic and evil person there were other people who opposed them, who stood in the light, who sacrificed themselves for other men's life and liberty. Humanity is not "Teh Suck," Okay? At least PRETEND to give your own nation, culture, race and species the benefit of the doubt!

The idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone

every century but this and every culture but his own

Oh I've got a little list, I've got a little list.... The Mikado