People, listen: when you see a guy who is the ubiquitous non-murdering and harmless version of Elliot Rodger, albeit bitter and disillusioned with the opposite sex’s apparent preference for the kind of guy whom he was bluffed into believing that they didn’t like, don’t lie to yourself and say that his attitude is what causes him to be incel. Almost every single guy who is incel like that entered the life stage of sexual possibility with optimism, and likely maintained his sense of being a gentleman well past the point at which he became completely stalled in sociosexual progress.
Few things are more frustrating than watching everyone else develop into what you have been told are “full-fledged human beings”, entering relationships, marrying and starting families, while you haven’t progressed beyond the level of a 12-year-old in terms of sociosexual milestones—and then being given unsolicited, nebulous advice about confidence, and getting “out there”, and even things like hobbies and common interests— Seriously, the kind of advice people try to give incels reeks of a lot of people simply enjoying listening to themselves talk. One might as well be reading out of a boilerplate pamphlet from a seminar on how to make pamphlets.
An incel of a conspicuous age has already heard all of the pop-positivity he can stand, and he knows that none of it works. He also doesn’t need to get an earful about the virtues of being in a relationship or marriage; after all, it’s not like he has never contemplated all of those things himself, long before you felt the need to remind him of it all. When people go trying to lecture a hardcore incel into success - again, usually unsolicited - they might as well be trying to sell private jets to hobos. That constant reminder of no one really understanding his problems, combined with the inevitable feeling of being left out in one of life’s most important games, is indeed enough to ruin the niceness in even the nicest guys.