How Eve Will Destroy the USA

If your significant other, your cuddle-buddy, your orgasm provider is a female, you don't want to take a chance she'll find out you read this article because if she finds out, you might not get laid tonight, or this week, or this year, or maybe never again. That's because this article proves how the unfettered will to power of American women will destroy the United States of America unless they are put in their place immediately if not sooner. If you even give a hint that such blasphemous information as this article contains has accosted your neural synapses, you might as well become a eunuch for the kingdom of heaven's sake because you will be effectively castrati by the overwhelming legions of American women, regardless of the flavor of religion they prefer. In summary, all you have to do to avoid that feeling of lightness below your peeder is flee these words like they are a powerful IED you've just discovered on the side of the road. Or conversely, if your mind simply cannot tolerate the idea that you're a wuss who will ignore information germane to the survival of the USA, read the article, but never, ever, I mean never ever, tell Eve you read it: your orgasm jones depends on it.

[There is a badly-drawn picture titled "Christian Men USA Today," depicting a naked woman leading a man around by a ring around his penis.]