It’s a hostage situation. I know this for sure now.
According to my adult son, “The Ally,” returning home for visits felt like he was walking on eggshells. He hated that he could no longer discuss politics, now that his mother had left the left—sparked by his sister’s “transition.” I could not and would not ever affirm her as a gay man.
(Pitter talks about becoming a transphobe and refusing to accept her son.)
But my son returned one fateful night when I was in a foul mood. I snapped at his “gay brother,” about her lazy habits, never really pulling her weight, now that she was twenty and home from college for the summer.
The Ally defended her, criticized me and finally declared, “We need family therapy.”
And so it was.
(She talks about vetting a therapist to find one who will support her bigotry.)
So invested in her precious modality was our young, eager therapist, that none of us had a chance. The actual, hurtful words tumbling from my children’s bitter, confident mouths slipped past all potential pushback, like virus particles through a performative mask. And my rage, when I finally spoke out, was hastily categorized as invalid, for I was not following The Rules.
During an early session, for example, The Ally argued that infertile people are just as valuable as fertile people. He mistook my terror at my daughter potentially sterilizing herself to mean I simply devalued anyone incapable of breeding. This is obviously insane.
I asked him, “Do you think the solution here is for me to affirm your sister?”
He thought for a moment and then said, “I think it’s the only way.”
To her credit the therapist said, “If you think you can change anyone’s mind, you’re out of luck.”
Not to spoil the ending, but this was the high point.
In the following session my daughter offered the ultimatum I feared would come one day. Bolstered by Our Kind Leader, she said, “If you can’t see me as a man, you won’t be invited to my wedding, if I ever get married. And if I marry another trans man, and you see us as lesbians, you can’t come. And you won’t be allowed in my life.”
