(I'm typing this up in a rush right before work, so pardon any errors. I'll fix them when I get time. Holla @ me if you notice anything wrong.)
Big thanks to Pharaoh and pyro for getting me off my ass to finish doing the awards even though the original setup I had for partially automating it was lost. And another big, big thanks to pyro for finishing up counting the votes! Also thanks to everyone who nominated and voted!
A couple other things before I get to the winners:
First, I took some liberty with the conspiracy theorist of the year category and chose Alex Jones. He was already neck-and-neck with the quote that was voted to represent the Anonymous Cowards at GLP, and that quote technically isn't a conspiracy, anyway. Plus, the Anonymous Coward hivemind were last year's winners. (And you know deep down in your heart that Alex Jones' quote is funnier.)
Second, one of the winning quotes (#106783) wasn't from 2016, but I technically never said that nominations for the 2016 FSTDT Awards had to be from 2016; it was just taken for granted. ;] Plus it slipped by us unnoticed entirely too long to disqualify it.
Now, without further ado I present to you the winners of the 2016 Fundie Awards!!
Fundies of the Year
Religious fundie of the year:
"Now they claim they can use this hadron collider to bring forth the Devil and all his fallen ones." – kingjameswriter1965
Right-wing fundie of the year:
"Punish Trump haters with your cock: Besides the punitive element of withholding your cock from a Trump hater, we can also look at it from a time-saving perspective. If you are masculine, you simply won’t connect naturally with a feminist who hates Trump." – Roosh V
Left-wing fundie of the year:
"They believe that [...] you are able to send lightning to strike someone. So, can you explain that scientifically" [Response: "It's not true."] "What you're trying to do is collapse the space and make it antagonizing, which we will not allow. This is a progressive space for people to say their opinions." – University of Capetown Students
Conspiracy theorist of the year:
"I’m pro-human so I say, black people, especially, stop killing your kids and get them in church, whatever, take them away from Beyoncé, who wants to eat their brain with the CIA, literally." – Alex Jones
Sexist of the year:
"If the definition of rape is stretched so far to include women who have not given consent, then I am absolutely a serial rapist. So, too, is every man I know." – Vox Day
Racist of the year:
"The jews say Adolf Hitler ordered a 'Final Solution' of extermination of the jews. But Hitler, a humanitarian, a vegetarian, an artist, did no such thing — although, again, he should have." – James Laffrey"
Single-issue wonk of the year:
"This perverted screenshot of Miss Swift to the right only appears in this 3:54 minute video for ONE SECOND TOTAL!!!" – David J Stewart (Taylor Swift obsession)
Vulture of the year:
"Someone may ask 'Why are you using this tragedy to promote your ebook?' The simple answer is because it saves lives! Hate to say I told you so, but had those who were partying read my ebook, they most likely would not have been there in the first place [at the Oakland warehouse fire]" – Mack Major
Batshit-insane person of the year:
"His sword cuts through what NEEDS to be TRANSMUTED by Lord Zadkiel of The Violet Ray which is the Ray OF TRANSMUTATION AND MERCY AND ALCHEMY. Lord Michael comes along FIRST and TRANSFORMS IT (IN EASIER TERMS ,CHOPS IT ALL UP (NOT RIGHT TERM) AND LORD ZADKIEL LAUGHED WHEN HE SAID LORD MICHAEL LEAVES HIM THE "MESS TO CLEAN UP WITH THE SWORD OF VIOLET FLAME HE WIELDS OF TRANSMUTATION.WE ARE IN THE VIOLET RAY AGE RIGHT NOW. THE AQUARIAN ONE. IT'S THE 7TH RAY." – my man Joe Eigo
Quotes of the Year
"We will use your leaning tower of pizza to throw off homosexual" – Abu Abdullah Britani
"Recent discourse on child pornography falsely portrays it, like child sex in general, as a disaster for the child. [...] Yet there are many children seen in child pornography whose words, facial expressions, body language, and orgasms show that they thoroughly enjoy the sexual activity, sometimes enjoying it immensely." – BoyWiki
"Beware the beast Hildabeast Clinton and her Vagenda of Manocide" – Gulf of Maine Gunsmithing
"Of course, [FSTDT commenters] are all socks of Valri, so the logistics are not too difficult. :-)" – WorldGoneCrazy
"The pussy of females can be used even 2 days after their death. Their sexual resources get wasted with the current system and people often die because there aren't enough organ donors." – Saint Elliot
• Commenter of the year: Hasan Prishtina
• Board of the year: /r/Incel
• Troll of the year: TimeToTurn
• Conspiracy theory: PizzaGate
...aaand that's all, folks!