Honey Good #fundie

Honey Good #fundie huffingtonpost.com

Why do some adult children cut off their mother? Why can other children with similar struggles stay connected through thick and thin?”

There are two schools of thought...

This is my belief on the subject: I believe that no matter what happens, your mother is your mother. The Ten Commandments state to honor thy father and thy mother. As a daughter, I had many stormy days with my mom, but I would never think to cut her off completely. I would fight, but I would never take flight! And, right or wrong, I was the one who apologized, not my mother. Period.

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old comment by K

Um, you SAY: "There are two schools of thought..."

Then you list your own experience. Not really a school of thought. And you don't explore any other school of thought?

I mean, unless you're dividing human experience into obeying God and Not...

But, anyway, there are some pretty horrible people out there in the world. You say 'through thick and thin,' but just how thin are you considering? Did your mother ever whore you out for drug money? Did your mommy take your husband's side in the divorce? Or the rapist's side in the court case? That one would be biblical, by the way, taking the rapist to court, not to punish him, but to get virgin price for you.

I can certainly imagine things my parents could do or have done, that would drive me to sever all ties. I fear you have a limit of imagination.

old comment by Some Christian Anon

While it would be *ideal* to be willing to forgive your parents, acknowledge when you were wrong, and keep the family together, sometimes the only choices are either sever all ties with your parents or let them ruin your entire life for their benefit (or even just amusement). Sometimes you have to establish boundaries. Sometimes you have to call out your parents garbage. And sometimes, you have to cut them off so they can't hurt you anymore.

And that last sentence is especially telling about how you think about this issue. You are probably one of those people who believe that they should do everything in their power to cover for an abusive family member, and I can say right now, that attitude has led to many children being hurt many times, because mom and dad are horrible people, and the ones who could put a stop to it just cover the parents worthless asses because they don't want to hurt the parents. That just prolongs the abuse, because the parent will never see any consequences, and the kid will just learn to let everyone do whatever they want to them, because the kids health and well-being doesn't matter, now does it?

old comment by DarkPhoenix

I just did some quick research on the writer of this. The problem here is that she was strongly involved in her children and grandchildren's lives, they don't resent her and she never did anything dark enough to drive them away, and so she can only see the mother-child relationship through the lens of "perfection" that she personally experienced. She's making a very incorrect assumption; that mothers ALWAYS have the best interests of their children in mind. As the links I posted above show, this is not always the case. This ends with her assessment, but here's how she describes the "other school":

The other school of thought I discovered from learned psychologists and psychiatrists: Adult children take flight because they feel a sense of relief. Why? They lack the ability to address and resolve problems and conflict with their mother; it is too much for them to handle. Isn’t that awful?
I question if they really take flight because I don’t believe they can. They have resolved nothing and have to be feeling stressed. They want to feel disconnected, but will never be free of their mother.

Notice that both schools she mentions here assume that the CHILD is the one who is screwed up and can't see how much the mother loves him/her, and thus the mother needs to change nothing to fix any issues. Once again, this is predicated on the assumption that the mother is never in the wrong, and is always looking out for her children.

old comment by K'Zad Bhat

Well, just as an example, I have 3 cousins who last year finally cut off their mother completely because she put everyone through a big rigmarole about her health, how bad her back and eyesight were, and needed help, and couldn't get what she needed living with her daughter, so she went to a nursing home, where within months, she's stopped physical therapy and hasn't yet seen the doctor about her cataract surgery, just suddenly decide to leave the nursing home and rent a trailer . . . whereupon she can no longer get the financial aid she needs for treatment, because Medicaid was paying as long as she was in the nursing home, and her kids couldn't afford it. One of her sons had even put his financial state at risk to get her into the nursing home, because if Medicaid wouldn't pay anything, he was bound to it, and had already paid hundreds of dollars he didn't really have for the first month, hoping that Medicaid approved her.

This is after her daughter did half the job of raising her little brothers herself, because my aunt wouldn't do much of anything, except sometimes run off with the last of the money and leaving her husband and 4 kids with no means to pay rent or feed themselves. Please don't ask why I said 3 to start, and 4 she raised, but at least that difference isn't her fault. And this is a very cut down description of just how their childhood, and adulthood, with this woman have gone. Rest assured . . . there are reasons a mother gets cut off by her adult kids. And I don't doubt out of those links posted earlier are even worse stories than this one.

So yeah, maybe there's a missing Commandment, perhaps one on the tablet that Moses dropped, instructing Mothers and Fathers to actually care for their Children . . . maybe this bitch should bear that in mind.

Also, if you apologize, every time, even when you know you're right . . . your mother is still abusive, just possibly not quite the worst. God, is this bitch incapable of understanding her view of the world is not the only possible one?

old comment by DarkPhoenix

And I don't doubt out of those links posted earlier are even worse stories than this one.

Oh, yeah. Generally if one or both of your parents exhibits Narcissistic Personal Disorder, you can expect them to make the assumption that they should be running your life, or at least be the centerpiece of it. And that's not even getting into the ones with Jocasta Complexes...

Hey, Honey, since you claim that no child should ever cut their parents off, I'd love to hear your opinion on Jocasta mothers. Do you think it's wrong for a son to cut off his mother if she thinks she should be able to SLEEP WITH HIM? Or is constantly making sexual passes at him?

Honey Good #fundie huffingtonpost.com

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