I don't think you're going to have that bold of an attitude while you're standing in a puddle of your own urine [at the final judgement].
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Don't worry; I've been standing in a puddle of my own urine for three hours every morning as practice. Now, when He shows up I can just be calm, pretend I didn't piss myself, extend a firm hand to him and say: "Hiya, Jesus, ya old sonofabitch, how ya doing. I'm Emperor here on Earth...Say why don't I go change pants really quick and we'll score us some hookers and do a little blow".
But bwaha! I shall not! Because according to MY insane religion the giant black galactic tiger of doom rules the cosmos. It is SUPERomnipotent, and as this is better then regular omnipotence it DEVOURED all the lesser gods, including yours! And paying obeisance to the giant black galactic tiger of doom will allow me to devour all the souls of unbelievers in its superomnipotent majesty, like it devoured their unworthy merely normally omnipotent gods!
(Dear fundies, if this little bit sounded ridiculous to you. Then you know why you sound ridiculous to me!)
“I don't think you're going to have that bold of an attitude while you're standing in a puddle of your own urine [at the final judgement].”
Why wouldn’t I be?
Your god is supposedly omniscient, right?
He already knows my every reason for the choices I’ve made. He also knows exactly what i think of the god described in the Old Testament. He’s GOING TO KNOW what i really want to say to him.
AND he already knows exactly what he’s going to do with my soul. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, reincarnate as a worm, send back as a telemarketer, send back to join the Marines, oblivion, Bayonne New Jersey… Why in the FUCK would I be anything Except honest?
I mean, If i try to suck up to him, he’s just going to have the chance to say, “Didn’t you once call me a twat-waffle? Oh, a sexist, misogynistic, self-important twat waffle?”
Or I can own that comment. Hopefully My memory will be as clear as his so we can discuss what drove that comment. What else can I do, talk him out of the sins he saw me commit?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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