We have 2 daughters A, who is 17 & H who is 14, both of whom have been raised in a Christian home & both accepted Jesus at the age of 5. Our 14 year old says that she now considers herself an agnostic. My husband & I are sick about this. We don't quite know what to do. Our oldest daughter says she thinks that her sister is afraid of being made fun of @ school (this is her 1st year in high school) & is only saying she's agnostic so no one knows she's a practicing Christian (she still goes to youth group & listens to Christian music groups like Disciple, Dizmas, Fireflight, Red, Project 86, etc.).
Have any of you dealt with this with your own children, how did you handle it & what was the outcome? I am at a loss... if I try to force feed her, she may completely rebel & turn from God entirely. I know that our ultimate weapon as Christians is prayer & that God promises us in Acts 16:31 that he will save our entire household, but other than prayer, what, if anything should I do???
Blessings!
48 comments
Aboslutely nothing. Your daughter may well only be pretending so she doesn't get teased in high school-nothing wrong with that or she may be growing up and questioning the doctrine she has been fed all her life-nothing wrong with that either. It's her life, her decision, please don't mess with her head any more.
Don't you ever read God's Perfect Word? Apostasy is punishable by death.
I'm going to call bullshit on the teasing thing. I got teased about a lot of things in school, but being a practicing Christian (as I was at the time) was not one of them.
Here's an idea. Treat your daughter as a responsible thinking human. Take her ideas seriously. Discuss with her, her objections to faith. Accept the possibility that you might be wrong. She will respect you for that.
And if that does not work, there is always the Burkha and infibulation.
"Our 14 year old says that she now considers herself an agnostic. "
"what, if anything should I do???"
You should rejoice that there is at least one intelligent person in your family.
In my case, when my parents were faced with the same thing they told me to make my own way. They would not force me to go to church every Sunday.The God Delusion without going into conniptions.
I'm a confirmed atheist, and I still listen to Rachael Lampa, Kathy Troccoli, and Cindy Morgan, and I love both secular and religious Christmas. Christianity informed a great deal of my life, and there are things I still like. I just don't believe.
You know, I have to give her credit. She at least is acknowledging that no good will come of force feeding the girl religion. Now if she can accept the fact that her daughter is still her daughter, she'll be in great shape.
I have a feeling that won't happen, though.
Accepted Jesus at the age of 5?, that would explain a lot of things. At five, you can't scarcely decide what you're going to do in life, let alone what you believe.
Rebellion is in the heart of a child, but the rod of wisdom will drive that from her.
I honestly don't know why so many parents who claim to be Christian don't use Biblically approved methods to discpline their families.
Obviously, this is a woman asking for advice, so the man has already given up his status at head of the household - that's the more obvious problem according to the Bible. Women aren't supposed to be the family spokeperson and its best if they just remain quiet unless they are at home.
The only correct for this woman to do is to submit to the authority of her husband, and then the husband lovingingly spank his daughter until the godlessness is driven out.
"At five, you can't scarcely decide what you're going to do in life, let alone what you believe."
Five year olds can't decide what they're going to do that day let alone life.
Big Chicken Dinner:
Too obvious.
Well, my parents told me I lost my faith all because of my boyfriend, that I was being intellectually dishonest, and that I was going to hell.
I suggest that. Worked like a charm.
I was in high school not very long ago, and what I remember best is that it was stressful and, for the most part, sucked big time. Leave her alone. She has a lot of other things to deal with without having to manage her faith on top of it, especially at her age.
The real reason Shanobeigh's 14-year-old daughter still goes to youth group:
"H": Jesus is so awesome!BOY: Yes, he is! Let's have sex in the back of the youth group van."H": Okay!
How about this, accept and support your daughter for who she is regardless of her beliefs even if that belief is one you don't agree with.
As for the 17 year old saying that her sister is just calling herself an agnostic to avoid being made fun of, that's just denial.
You are right that harassment and abuse will not help, other than not being ethical and possibly illegal. Five years old is also way too young to be able to take an important decision like dedicating one's life to a particular group identity, growing up and learning to assess the world is to be expected. Probably that the best you can do is respect and support her, also show her that your love is not conditional on what the church wants her to be. Showing the good example can be a lesson to everybody and may also be inviting when she needs your help. If it sometimes hurts, it can be expressed respectfully and forgiveness can heal. You may all grow up through it.
Some have expressed doubt about not wanting to be viewed as a fanatic at school. Because I was raised in a high control cult, I was discrete at school about it, hoping that few would know, especially in high-school. But in primary school, I was also ashamed when Jehovah's Witness moms visited classrooms to make sure the kids in their cult couldn't attend movie events or participate in Christmas art. I was glad when I once escaped the mob to avoid being segregated in a boring room, to attend a "Christmas movie". The film wasn't great and there was one short reference to Christmas in it. I was still happy to not be in the boring moralizing sermoning room instead. But when I got home, my mom told me that a "sister" called her to say that she didn't see me. I lied and said that I was in the room with the others. Ultrafundamentalism causes kids to lie. :)
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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