I was at an arts fair last weekend. I would estimate 43% of the attendees were homosexual. But it's not like I'm counting. CCW, a Murnak FIST holster and Glock 19 means you never have to worry about it.

So this artsy guy with a straw hat and sandals, you know the type, is slowly walking along the booths, pretending to eye the merchandise. Of course, I know what he's really eying. So I position my self among several tents, to maximize my public visibility, and when "he" comes along I engage him, "What exactly are you doing here?"

"I was hoping to find some pictures for my daughter's new apartment", he says. "Well, just keep hoping" I say, letting the bulge under my vest show prominently.

He got the picture. I checked with law enforcement later and they had no complaints of homosexual harassment at the fair that day.