Allah's blessing upon you. Welcome to our show, which will deal with wife beating. I am aware that this issue is a thorny one, which contains many hazards, but Allah willing we will cross this bridge safely.

I believe that the problem arises when husbands do not understand how to deal with disobedience. Some women disobey their husbands and make mistakes with them, and their husbands think this is due to inadequate discipline. Allah said "As for those on whose part you fear disobedience - advise them." This is the first step in disciplining one's wife.

First, remind her of your rights and her duties, according to Allah.

Then comes the second stage - forsaking her. Here, too, some husbands make mistakes, which might exacerbate the problem even further. For example, if the husband leaves his bed and goes to another house, everybody knows that there is a problem. The point of forsaking her in bed is to discipline the wife, and now to wear your dirty laundry in public. Allah said "Forsake them in bed," which means you should stay in bed with her, but turn your back to her, or else sleep in a separate bed in the same room. By the way, as a woman once told me, this is the most ingenious way to discipline a wife. If the husband leaves the room, it is easier for her than if he remains with her but if he turns his back, or he sleeps on the floor while she sleeps in the bed, or vice versa.

Then comes the third stage - the issue of beating. We have to understand that the aim is to discipline, not to vent one's anger. The necessary Islamic conditions for beating must be met. The beating must not be performed with a rod such as this one [3' x 1" stick]. Nor should it be with a headband, which some husbands use, or with a sharp object, which, I'm sad to say, some husbands use. It should be done with something like the sewak tooth-cleaning twig. Ibn Abbas said that she should be beaten with a sewak like this one or with a hankerchief, because the goal is merely to make the wife feel that she was wrong in the way she treated her husband.