[Talking about upcoming marriage and how if marriage is not between a man and woman and a contract with God he will be doing it wrong and sinning against both his fiance and himself]

If marriage is what Stan Mitchell now says it is, then no matter how fun our honeymoon is or how few arguments we have or how old we grow together, Emily and I will not truly understand what this “profound mystery” really is about. We will be doing marriage wrong, sinning against each other through ignorance of ourselves and of our union. If you believe marriage is sacred at all, whether between men and women or people of the same sex, you also believe that misunderstanding marriage carries unavoidable consequences. It is always serious to misjudge the holy.

It matters for my marriage that I understand correctly what marriage is. That’s why I can scarcely imagine how frustrated I would be to be a member of Gracepointe Church right now. If pastor Mitchell has been convinced from the biblical text that marriage has no transcendent meaning that infuses purpose into the one-flesh union of man and wife, I need to know that. I need to hear the reasons why marriage is not what the church has unanimously through history said it is. I need to know not just for my theological curiosity but for the sake of my own marriage! That’s why it grieves me to hear pastor Mitchell talk about “Selma” and “history” and “memoirs.” That’s not what Emily and I need. We don’t need reasons history books will love us if we affirm same-sex marriage. We need to know what marriage is so we can do it.

Pastor Mitchell’s evasiveness reminds me of a popular riposte from same-sex marriage advocates: “Same-sex marriage doesn’t affect you; if you don’t like gay marriage, don’t get married to a man!” From a secular worldview, this objection misses the point but there’s nothing really wrong with its basic assumptions. For the Christian, however, sentiments like that betray the belief that marriage–whether heterosexual, homosexual or otherwise–is really just common, base, and no more relevant to your life than your choice of soda or ice cream. That’s not an option for those who believe marriage is from God.