We know the rapture is coming...
any day, right?
If I get the urge to view porn, I just imagine that trumpet blowing while I'm in the middle of watching that and doing my thing...And you KNOW, one of the biggest questions every believer is going to be asked when we meet each other in heaven will be "What were you doing when the trumpet blew?"
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I really like how they are going to be judge on what they were doing at the moment the rapture takes place--not say, 2 weeks before when they were beating their wife, or speeding, or any number of sins.
This is just too hilarious.
"What were you doing when the trumpet blew?"
Probably holding my breath as the girl is being jizzed on.
"Any day now...seriously...any day...could happen right...no-*flinches*...no, no sorry....that was a bird...but IT COULD HAVE BEEN!"
Seriously people. If the world is gonna end, why not try living your life, if it truly is God's greatest blessing? Do you really think God will like it if you come to heaven having spent your entire time here on Earth waiting for the recall?
Well, when viewing porn, something was certainly blowing!
Borborygmus wrote:Probably thinking "God, what an awful trumpeter!"
Might inspire a new group: GWAT!
Actually, are you so superficial to think there will be "trumpets" or what?. Besides, think about this too. Supposedly, just not being Christian is enough not to be raptured, plus, all the Christians who misbehave will not be raptured either. Honestly, just four or six guys who were at the right moment doing the right thing is not worth so much crap.
If I get the urge to view porn, I just imagine that trumpet blowing while I'm in the middle of watching that and doing my thing...
yes ...
Oh, yes, it's a big trumpet isn't it? Ooh, just look at that hot, sexy trumpet, just waiting for the player to put those pouting lips up to that ... hot ... mouthpiece ... mouthpiece ... oh, God, blow, blow, yes, yes, yes, yes, YES! YES! YES! BLOW! OH, GOD, BLOW! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OHHHHHHHH!!!!!
hawt!
I think that would actually be an awesome story.
Or if that's what you were doing on 9/11....
"So, what were you doing when the towers were hit?"
"Whacking off"
"So, what were you doing when you were Raptured?"
"Whacking off"
"... When Steve Irwin died?"
"Whacking off"
Just be clear that that's what you were doing when it happened, not when you saw it on the news... That's awkward.
RAPTURE LOGISTICS ISSUE #117:
Taking into account the fact that the earth is actually round, some people will be asleep when the Rapture occurs.
So, if you're in Eastern time... You'll be raptured... before the people in Central Time...
Some people will be waiting almost a day.
Like that scene in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," and the joke that followed that embarrassing interruption: "Doesn't anybody knock?"
wait, i thought that jerking to porn was a sin to these guys? so wouldn't it be "so how'd you end up in hell?" "eh, i was touching myself when the rapture occured. you?" " i boiled a goat in his mother's milk."
"We know the rapture is coming...
any day, right?
If I get the urge to view porn, I just imagine that trumpet blowing while I'm in the middle of watching that and doing my thing...And you KNOW, one of the biggest questions every believer is going to be asked when we meet each other in heaven will be "What were you doing when the trumpet blew?"
Cool story, bro. And that's all the (C)Rapture'll be:
A story.
Dennis Leary has a bit where he says, “You know what a non-smoker says when he has a heart attack anyway? (grabs chest) ‘AAARGH! I could have smoked!’”
If i end up in the magic cloud place and tney ask, “What were you doing when you died?” the answer will be ‘Masturbating.’ I don’t care if i spent my last breath trying to save one more orphan from the fire, that’s my answer. Then stare at them.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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