GakuesiDon #fundie

GakuesiDon #fundie tektonics.org

There is a LONG list of "You Might Be A Fundy Atheist If...", I give you a meager sampling.

3. # You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God wouldn't want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.

10. You consistently deny the existence of God because you personally have never seen him but you reject out of hand personal testimony from theists who claim to have experienced God as a reality in their lives.

23. You blame God for the starvation, sickness, pain and suffering in the world...when, indeed, it is MAN's greed, politics, selfishness and apathy that not only causes, but also ignores the sick and the starving masses. We aren't our brothers' keepers....but we should be.

24. You believe that planes, computers, calculators, compasses, etc, were "all obviously designed," yet the human body, being intricately more complex was "obviously a product of biological evolution." It seems the more complex the apparatus, the more obvious the "fact" that it was not designed.

49. You won't bet $10 on the football game because a 50/50 chance isn't good enough, but you have no problem gambling with your life on the nearly impossible odds of a cell randomly generating from nothing.

And it just goes on and on, and much worse...

http://www.tektonics.org/parody/fundyath.html

42 comments

old comment by WWWWolf

> 24. You believe that planes, computers, calculators, compasses, etc, were "all obviously designed," yet the human body, being intricately more complex was "obviously a product of biological evolution." It seems the more complex the apparatus, the more obvious the "fact" that it was not designed.

Yeah, the designs for my Athlon XP 3000+ just sprang into existence one dark day in 1943 in the British branch of AMD labs, thanks to the tireless efforts of Alan Turing, and every computer ever since has and will be the exact same thing.

So don't go building those effing multithreaded games, there is zero chance that they will ever work because the computers that run them won't ever exist, dammit! Our grandfathers didn't fight in the war for multicores and this "64-bit" nonsense! Turing made the Holy Trinity of Gigahertzes and that's all you need, ever!

old comment by Anna Ghislaine

How can there be such a thing as a fundamentalist atheist? Atheism is lack of belief in a god or gods -- you either are an atheist or you're not. There's no spectrum of atheism.

3. If your ice cream is drippy it's because you're not eating it quickly enough.

10. Anecdotal evidence is dismissable.

22. Atheists don't blame God for anything. Why would we blame something we don't believe exists? We may, however, blame the followers of religion for some things.

24. We can see machines being designed and built if we so choose. The inventors of a lot of machines are within living memory or in very recent history too (Alan Turing, Ada Lovelace, the Wright brothers, etc.).
The human body contains many flaws that a human designer wouldn't have included. George C Williams' book Plan and Purpose in Nature has a chapter outlining some of these.

49. No-one says that happened. Even if it did - we're alive right now; having a different belief in my origins isn't going to make me spontaneously combust or something. Do you think it's our sheer force of will that keeps our cells from falling apart?

old comment by Rallymodeller

Awright! History, my specialty!

You contend that no war in history has ever been created by non-belief. Yet, when you are told that 176 million people lost their lives in wars during the last century, created by non-believers like Stalin, Lenin, Mao and Hitler, to name only a few, you reply that those wars fought were fought in the name of ideology and not 'atheism' as atheists "don't fly planes into buildings or start wars
Nice strawman you have there. The men you mentioned were most certainly believers; they said it themselves.

71: You think Bolshevik Revolution leader Leon Trotsky was a far better person than Mother Theresa.
Trotsky was a right bastard, it is true. But at least he was honest about it. Mother Theresa was a sadist and masochist who was later canonized for it. If you;re ever in Calcutta, take a look at the living conditions her order placed dying people in -- on purpose. In any decent society it would be considered cruel and unusual punishment. BTW: Lenin was the leader of the Bolsheviks. Trotsky was one of his lieutenants. Google him sometime.

81: You desperately wish that Stalin and Mao hadn't been atheists.
They weren't Stalin attended Eastern Orthodox seminary, and Mao was a Taoist. I majored in Cold War history in university, with an emphasis on post-WWII Communism. Did you?

85: You think that religious wars have killed more people than any other kind of war, even though the largest wars of the last 200 years (World War I and II, Civil War, etc.) had no discernable religious causes
Actually, most wars start for economic reasons, but the powers that be fleece the masses with religion. It's a non-debatable fact: all wars have a religious aspect, some more than others.

87: You bring up the alleged 'horrors' of the Spanish Inquisition to show how evil the church is. When shown that the SI was not the horror that it was painted to be, you switch gears and ask if the believer notes this because they think people are justified to feel moral revulsion with the Spanish Inquisition as it is commonly understood.
Yep. Wiping out entire villages down to the last infant isn't that horrible. Breaking on the wheel? A walk in the park. Trial by fire or ordeal? No porblem. Jerk.

90: You desperately confer with other skeptics to try and refute the evidence that Hitler's Holocaust was evolution-inspired, because, darn it, you just GOTTA prove that Hitler was a Christian.
Look, just read Mein Kampf and listen to some of his speeches, okay? Then we'll discuss his religion or lack thereof.

101: You continually argue that Hitler was a "real Christian" even when he and his fellow Nazis were slaughtering millions of people (and you "conveniently" ignore the very obvious distinction between someone claiming to be a Christian and someone actually living as a Christian, and the fact that the Nuremberg prosecutors denounced Nazism as fanatically ANTI-Christian!), but you deny that the scientists who rejected Galileo's work were real scientists.
This again? Okay, here we go. Most of the rank and file of the National Socialist party (also called NSDAP, commonly shortened to Nazi) as well as the majority of their leadership, were devout Catholics -- Hitler included. The main exception to this was Heinrich Himmler, who was an occultist and attempted to return the Nordic gods. The Vatican was well aware of what was going on in Germany, but kept quiet. The Italian Fascist party, in fact, was "blessed" by the Pope. Mainly they were covering their own cowardly asses.
As to the Nuremburg trials, of course the Allies had to say that the Nazis were anti-christian. It was demanded by the amount of "god is on our side" propaganda the Allies used.

old comment by szaleniec

"49. You won't bet $10 on the football game because a 50/50 chance isn't good enough, but you have no problem gambling with your life on the nearly impossible odds of a cell randomly generating from nothing."

You fail statistics, biology, chemistry and analogies forever.

@anevilmeme: clearly, they're confusing it with misotheism.

Edit: I couldn't let this one go.

"90: You desperately confer with other skeptics to try and refute the evidence that Hitler's Holocaust was evolution-inspired, because, darn it, you just GOTTA prove that Hitler was a Christian."

Evolution = natural selection
Holocaust = ideologically-inspired unnatural selection
List writer = purveyor of epic fail

old comment by FMG

30. You descended from apes.(Think about it.)

Don't know about you but I am still an ape. We have not "descended or ascended" anywhere.

58. You claim that the 'God' mentioned by Albert Einstein and Steven Hawkings is nature and that they were atheists, then claim that you have no religion, which is defined by the dictionary as "Belief in and reverence for a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe."

Albert Einstein straight up condemned the Jewish concept of being God's chosen children. He believed in Spinoza's God. The god of mechanics, not a god of entity.

71: You think Bolshevik Revolution leader Leon Trotsky was a far better person than Mother Theresa.

One of the inalienable rights of man which is education to children and our weekends is due to the "Bolshevik Revolution" which showed the rich that power cannot be kept by oppressing the masses. So YES. He is better than Mother Theresa.

76. You evidently think that slaughtering 6,000,000 Jews is no different from using sugar in your porridge,since whenever someone points out that Hitler's actions show him to VERY UN-Christian,you exclaim "No true Scotsman uses sugar in his porridge!"

Then Mao and Stalin who you claim to be atheists do not represent atheism.

89. You believe that Christians burned down the Great Library of Alexandria. When you learn that this was impossible, you assert that it is obvious that Christians did burn a lot of ancient books. When you are shown that this too is false, you wait a while, then make the same claim again, hoping that the person who corrected you with the facts won't notice.

However christians burnt a fuck tonne of books as WRITTEN IN THE BIBLE (Acts 19;19) Not to mention the arianism writings BY THE COUNCIL OF NICEA who wrote your bible. Other fun "famous" works lost include the Sybilline books, coptic works that were not in line with the council of Nicea, Priscillian's writings, The library of Alexandria, the entire works of the Cathars (who were genocided), the entire collection of Talmuds in Paris, Torquemada's destruction of the libraries of Valencia and Andalucia which were rumoured to exceed the libraries of Baghdad, Cairo, Delhi and the Forbidden City in volume and value of books, the entire works of the Mayans, the Serb burnings of literature, Abkhazia, Grande Cache Canada, Harry Potter, The BADHDAD LIBRARY (it's the second time invaders destroyed it, the first claimed the Tigris and Euphrates wept black with the ink from the number of books thrown into them).

112. Missionaries who give up their personal comfort to aid starving, impoverished and persecuted third-world people are actually "corrupting ancient tribal cultures with western religious dogma", while you sit at home and complain about the price of KFC.

My culture is dying because of missionaries. The Tripura Baptist Church (terrorists) have seen to that.

202. You decry Christian missionaries for denying cultural relativism; denouncing their efforts to reform cannibalism, slavery and fear of animist spirits as judgmental intolerance. But your attacks on the Bible merely comprise anguished cries of "how barbaric" rather than reasoned arguments; and ignore all considerations of ritual cleanness, the evils of the Canaanites and the fact that ancient society was always one step from anarchy.

You solved that evil through killing and rape. Nice one!

old comment by Orion

#25: lol, massive scientific theory fail.
#30: No thickhead, humans and the other great apes descended from a common ancestor, we did not descend from apes as we know them today.
#28: We don't waste time blaming god or praying to him when people get cancer, we go out and find a goddamn cure!
#36: because its so fun
#39: duh, when he says things that are true and right then he's enlightened, otherwise he's a nut.
#42: Hey dumbass what part of evolution not being chance do you not understand? There is a change then natural selection roots out bad changes and encourages better traits.
#43: total misunderstanding fail, resistant bacteria are OBSERVABLE EVIDENCE of an organism evolving
#44: Science is open, but always hostile to new theories, your theory seems pretty stupid to us.
#46: that was a really good idea he had, anyone can have one. Helps when you have a nobel prize to back you up.
#48: total, fucking, idiocy
#51: I have never heard of any of these things
#52-3: just because alot of people believe something does not make it true, it just makes it easier to grasp.
#56: I've seen alot of Atheist debaters who know more about the bible than most Christians
#58: indoctrination knows no intellectual bounds
#59: What? Plenty of Atheist historians believe Jesus was real.
#62: The cool thing about science is that we don't all have to agree on anything until it's conclusively proven.
#66: Canada and Australia seem to do okay asshole
#68: The trouble with a lot of Christian history and scholars is that they repressed any opposing or contradictory works so there is no outside corroboration to validate many histories written by religious types.
#70: beacuse millennia old books seem good enough for you
#72: Or, or could we be drawing parallels to the ludicrous things people believed in the Stone Age to what you believe in now?
#73: The cool thing about science is that it can be contradictory because it has no centralised source and is actually made up of hundreds of thousands of disagreeing factions, Religion is based on a single text that is said to be infallible.
#78: That is so stupid, Crucifixion comes from a form of torture the Romans invented which later became the symbol of christianity.
#89: Christians repressed huge amounts of literature and learning for hundreds of years.
#112: Missionaries could be teaching these tribes how to fend for themselves, become smarter, have better lives and about the wider world instead of wasting time teaching them religion, if you're gonna help people; Do it right.
#113: Of course they aren't true atheists if they went back to theism.
#115: Common sense is a pretty objective morality, any good atheist will have some. Sure some people who are Atheists are jerks and monsters, but no phoney belief system will change that
#118: I could never call myself a Christian even if I believed in a god because I wouldn't want to be associated with these nutjobs
#122: Because it's a really mean insult to wish or believe someone is going to hell. It's really offensive.
#126: Well yeah because Jesus never really did that much (unless god turns out to be real) compared to some true heroes who really suffered to save us like the millions of soldiers who fought and died in unbearable agony and indignity in WW1 and 2, ever heard of diphosgene or mustard gas? Way more painful than crucifixion. Jesus knew nothing of pain compared to these great and brave souls!
#128: We believe in the diverse opinions, theories and facts of science which branches into many theories, camps and subgroups of opinions/theories on different scientific questions. A whole lot better than a single tome being expected to be an ultimate authority.
#131: usually the slam dunk is the lack of anyone ever actually establishing that god existed to start with. You can only prove it exists, not that it doesn't
#136: difference between being an idiot and being indoctrinated from a young age so that it's all they can know.
#147: all it takes is a quick Google search retard.
#148-150: What... the... fuck?
#152: Actually most of us stay where we are to agitate for change to make this a better place instead of running and hiding.
#153: It is when the church keeps interfering in these issues!
#155: I thought Atheists thought Christians were to stupid for such massive conspiracy?
#168: damn that movie was painful, what a waste of my money
#169: Marriage yes, Civil Unions (secular version of marriage) no
#179: One is pushing religion while the other is letting these muslim kids carry out their freedom to practice religion. I don't personally like it (any religion), but that is your country and not mine.
#191-192: Because it's fun
#194: Google is the smartest entity on earth and makes a way better deity than yours.
#198: *citation needed*
#221: You mean that minority viewpoint that is incredibly diverse?
#227: Science =/= Godless opinions
Science = factual/well thought out opinions
#231: Because that implies it should stay in the minority and demeans the demographic label you apply to us.
#233: being good to avoid going to hell is a selfish and hollow motive for good deeds, doing it simply to further your race by helping your fellow man is a more noble motive.
#244: never pondered that one because all people put their foot in their mouth from time to time, but I've never heard him doing that.
#245: Never pondered that, I just thought it wasn't a very good book.
#249: Usually the bullshit preface is an indication of the approaching mood of the post.
#251: lol, Fundy Atheist is rather silly because any atheist is technically a fundy atheist because there's only one thing to be fundamental about: "I do not believe there is a god or gods"
#263: Yeah, Paganism was stupid
#267: Ridicule is usually an adequate answer
#271: Not specifically, it evolved to self-perpetuate itself by indoctrinating people (wider public) at a young age.
#276: POD sux, Rage Against The Machine for the win
#277: usually true, most don't care because they don't believe in god anyway. But they would like it better if that nice band was secular.
#278: I haven't liked all the anti-theistic books, some of them are cheap cash ins
Lastly: #281 is a cheap trick so they can go "haha gotya smelly atheist!"

I'm gonna write them a polite letter of protest.
I would so love to see them respond!

old comment by Pule Thamex

Atheists would not be crass enough to conflate ice-cream and God. We leave that sort of stuff to you fundies.

That's correct, anecdotal evidence is not enough. By the way, there seems to be a competitive edge to it all, which religion's testimonies are we suppose to believe, you dolt.

We don't blame God for any of the ills afflicting mankind. How can we blame something that we don't believe exists? However, we do blame hypocritical arseholes like the fundies for bringing nastiness in to the world.

You've obviously read nothing valid about evolution.

Are you a raving simpleton? Why do we need to gamble at all?

Yes, I bet it does go on and on. And yes, I suspect that it does indeed get worse. Who wrote it, God?

old comment by Green

My favorite so far:

34. You think that some guy named "Dr Dino" with no scientific credentials represents mainstream Evangelical thinking and scholarship about evolution and creation, and thus by spending inordinate amounts of time attacking him you are somehow dismantling the arguments of scholarly dissenters from evolution, creationists with earned Ph. D.s in science, and of advocates of intelligent design.

Followed up FOUR POINTS LATER by this:

38. You can claim with as straight face on sites like Talk Origins that "Evolution does not have moral consequences" despite the fact that prominent evolutionary advocates like Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett vehemently assert that evolution does transcend biology in a way that has a profound effects upon ethics.

Hypocrisy in action!

old comment by anonymous

3. The existence of ice cream itself. I have sensitive teeth, and so I haven't had ice cream in a number of years.
However, AIDS is probably more of an issue. Especially when a child gets it from their mother. An innocent child, who has not sinned, gets AIDS just by default.

10. There are lots of ways people can be mistaken about such things. I would prefer video evidence or a personal revelation, without hallucinogens.

23. Man's problems cause pain and suffering for other people.
Is God punishing some starving kid in Africa for my sins?
What kind of system is that?

24. Actually computers have consistently been built on previous technology. It's much easier to do. You could say computers are really evolving, but at a much faster rate, and with "intelligent" help.

49. Rebuttal to Pascal's Wager goes here.

old comment by Headache

And here are hundreds of proofs for agod:

# ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM SACRIFICIAL BLACKMAIL
(1) Jesus died for your sins.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?
(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) The human spirit exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# CALVINIST ARGUMENT, a.k.a. TERTULLIAN'S ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
(2) I rather like that idea.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY
(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION
(1) Barbie dolls were created.
(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM
(1) God is everywhere.
(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION
(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS, a.k.a. FIRST CAUSE ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Ask atheists what caused the Big Bang.
(2) Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
(3) Continue process until the atheist admits he doesn't know the answer to one of your questions.
(4) You win!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY
(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
(1) The Bible is true.
(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION
(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise bodily from your grave.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM BIOGENESIS
(1) Where did Adam come from, dummy?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST FAITH
(1) A lot of really cool people believed in God their entire lives.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [Atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [Atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
(8) [Atheist gives up and goes home.]
(9) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is:
(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
(b) The love of a mother for her child.
(c) That little still voice in your heart.
(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their difficulties.
(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY
(1) We have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that atheists are laughable morons.
(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own insecurities about theism but there's no chance in hell we'll ever admit that.
(2) Therefore, atheists are laughable morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY
(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I am not "special" in a cosmic sense.
(2) But I am superior because I am a Christian.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Find all 573 arguments on the link above.

old comment by JSS

You might be a christian fundy if...

3) You believe anyone with different views on the existence of god is a spoiled brat who uses every situation to complain about theism.

10) You don't believe in leprechauns or the tooth fairy, but you believe every cock and bull revelation story about people who claim to have visions where they saw the Lord without even witnessing it yourself.

23) You think starvation, disease, and other horrific sufferings are the fault of imperfect man who can only do so much to help while an omnipotent god who watches such horrors and does nothing is also omnibenevolent.

24) You believe the theory of evolution states that any creature can just morph into another creature at any time.

49) You believe Pascal's Wager is an effective arguement to convert people to your faith, yet you think that the existence of a god automatically means the existing god is the Christian god.

GakuesiDon #fundie tektonics.org

42 comments

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