Somebody ordered a Spork To Go?
"Here daddy! This is the comma you wanted!"
"No silly, the black chips! These are supposed be the chocolate black chip cookies remember?" <ruffles his son's hair> <is glad he was homeschooled by lunatics who didn't care about the English language>
"These?"
"Perfect, thanks! Sweetie, where's the big pan? Wh- sweetie! What are you DOING in that pan? The toilet's down the hall!"
"Here Ashley, can you hand this to your dad? I could do it myself, but we did have slaves kids for this kinda thing!"
"Daddy, who gets these cookies? I want them, Daddy. I want the fucking cookies. Are these for the neighbors too? Why do we keep making food for them? Can't they feed themselves?"
"Not these, remember the family we took the food to last weekend? That's who these are for! My parents taught me that if a sentence doesn't end with a question mark, it must end with an exclamation EXCITEMENT mark!!"
"I like them, can we take the puppy a treat too? Maybe some cyanide so it can go meet God faster?"
"Sure we...."
<pan slams to ground> <mommy collapses on top of it, clutching her chest>
"Daddy? MOMMY? What was that? What's happening? Oh no, Mommy! Are you okay? Daddy, why are you crying? What's nine-one-one?!"
"You heard it? What about you sweetie? The trumpetish noise? That was Mommy's heart monitor!"
<giggle> "It tickles!"
"Sweetie! Now isn't the time for playing with Elmo!"
"Do you feel the tingling, Sharon? Don't be scared, remember what we've been telling you? It's time! Here, let's hold hands! Don't be scared! Dying is fun and easy, and you'll be with GOD soon!"
"Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!! Bye Mommy!"
"Whoooooooo!!!!! Say 'hi' to Jesus for us!"
"She's gone, kids... Mommy's gone. PRAISE the LOOOOOOOOOOOORD!"
Not my best work, but then I didn't really have much to work with, so I blame the fundies ^^